Go Back   Horizons Unlimited - The HUBB > Chat Forum > The HUBB PUB
A joke to cheer up flagging drinkers/Previous Jokes Also A joke to cheer up flagging drinkers/Previous Jokes Also
Register FAQ Calendar Today's Posts
The HUBB PUB Chat forum - no useful content required!

BUT the basic rules of polite and civil conduct which everyone agreed to when signing up for the HUBB, will still apply, though moderation will be a LITTLE looser than elsewhere on the HUBB.
Photo by George Guille, It's going to be a long 300km... Bolivian Amazon

I haven't been everywhere...
but it's on my list!


Photo by George Guille
It's going to be a long 300km...
Bolivian Amazon



Like Tree60Likes

Reply
Page 27 of 33 « First 1314151617181920212223242526 27 282930313233
 
LinkBack Thread Tools Display Modes
  #391  
Old 23 Jul 2019
Contributing Member
Veteran HUBBer
  
Join Date: Sep 2018
Location: Belper, uk, EUROPE
Posts: 539
I paid this carpenter in advance to make me a double bed; but now he's done a bunk.
Reply With Quote
  #392  
Old 23 Jul 2019
Contributing Member
Veteran HUBBer
  
Join Date: Sep 2018
Location: Belper, uk, EUROPE
Posts: 539
A farmer and his wife are preparing for their 50th wedding anniversary dinner.

"Albert, should I go out in the yard and kill a chicken?"

"Oh, come on, Phyllis. We can hardly blame a chicken for something that happened fifty years ago."
Reply With Quote
  #393  
Old 23 Jul 2019
Contributing Member
Veteran HUBBer
  
Join Date: Sep 2018
Location: Belper, uk, EUROPE
Posts: 539
A horse walks into a bar. The barman says: "Are you an alcoholic? You walk into a lot of bars."

The horse replies: "I don't think I am", and vanishes in a puff of smoke.

This was, of course, an example of putting Descartes before the horse.
Reply With Quote
  #394  
Old 14 Aug 2019
Contributing Member
Veteran HUBBer
  
Join Date: Sep 2018
Location: Belper, uk, EUROPE
Posts: 539
Went to the worst pub ever today called The Fiddle.

What a vile inn!!
Reply With Quote
  #395  
Old 19 Aug 2019
Contributing Member
Veteran HUBBer
  
Join Date: Sep 2018
Location: Belper, uk, EUROPE
Posts: 539
A plumber was called to a law office to unblock a toilet. After several attempts to unblock it with conventional tools, he searched outside until a found a long stick which did the trick. Apparently, he found a legal loo pole.
Reply With Quote
  #396  
Old 22 Aug 2019
Contributing Member
Veteran HUBBer
  
Join Date: Sep 2018
Location: Belper, uk, EUROPE
Posts: 539
A little girl walks in to the lounge one Sunday morning while her Dad is reading the paper.”Where does poo come from?” she asks.

The father feeling a little perturbed that his 5 year old daughter is already asking difficult questions thinks for a moment and says: “Well you know we just ate breakfast?” “Yes,” answers the girl.

“Well the food goes into our tummies and our bodies take out all the good stuff, and then whatever is left over comes out of our bums when we go to the toilet, and that is poo.”

The little girl looks perplexed, and stares at him in stunned silence for a few seconds and asks: “And Tigger?”
Reply With Quote
  #397  
Old 22 Aug 2019
Contributing Member
Veteran HUBBer
  
Join Date: Sep 2018
Location: Belper, uk, EUROPE
Posts: 539
I keep randomly shouting out 'broccoli' and 'cauliflower' - I think I might have florets.

Copyright - Olaf Falafel at Edinburgh Fringe Festival 2019
Reply With Quote
  #398  
Old 7 Sep 2019
Contributing Member
Veteran HUBBer
  
Join Date: Sep 2018
Location: Belper, uk, EUROPE
Posts: 539
My teacher said to me "Name something beginning with N that you’re not very good at."

I said" Spelling."
Reply With Quote
  #399  
Old 7 Sep 2019
Contributing Member
Veteran HUBBer
  
Join Date: Sep 2018
Location: Belper, uk, EUROPE
Posts: 539
I was recently thinking of selling my John Lennon memorabilia through Ebay. Imagine all the paypal !
Reply With Quote
  #400  
Old 7 Sep 2019
Contributing Member
Veteran HUBBer
  
Join Date: Sep 2018
Location: Belper, uk, EUROPE
Posts: 539
"I am not saying my wife's cakes are heavy, but our oven is bow-legged. We threw some out for the birds and they threw them back."
Reply With Quote
  #401  
Old 29 Sep 2019
Contributing Member
Veteran HUBBer
  
Join Date: Sep 2018
Location: Belper, uk, EUROPE
Posts: 539
Gravity is one of the most fundamental forces in the universe and if you remove it you get gravy.
Reply With Quote
  #402  
Old 7 Oct 2019
Contributing Member
Veteran HUBBer
  
Join Date: Sep 2018
Location: Belper, uk, EUROPE
Posts: 539
An old man living by a forest started to lose his hair, he called his children to a meeting.

He said "Look my hair is gone, it can't be saved, but sooner or later this forest will be as bald as my head, and what I want you to do is when a tree is cut down or dies, is plant a new one in my memory, and get your descendants to do the same".

They did that, and the forest remained just because of one man and his re-seeding heirline.
Reply With Quote
  #403  
Old 8 Oct 2019
Registered Users
HUBB regular
  
Join Date: Sep 2017
Location: Esperance, Western Australia
Posts: 92
Why is it that dyslexia is such a hard word to spell?
And is it a coincidence that DNA is the abbreviation for the National Dyslexia Association?
__________________
Hear the challenge, learn the lesson, pay the cost.
Reply With Quote
  #404  
Old 8 Oct 2019
Contributing Member
Veteran HUBBer
  
Join Date: Sep 2018
Location: Belper, uk, EUROPE
Posts: 539
Have you noticed how many F1 drivers have names linked to Scottish towns?

Stirling Moss, Lewis Hamilton, Eddie Irvine.......Ayr Town Centre...
Reply With Quote
  #405  
Old 8 Oct 2019
Contributing Member
Veteran HUBBer
  
Join Date: Sep 2018
Location: Belper, uk, EUROPE
Posts: 539
I was mugged today and had my wallet stolen. The bloke hit me from behind, I went down and didn't even see him, just caught the back of him as he ran off.

I told the police that all I knew about him was that he was a vegan. "How did you know that if you didn't even get a look at him?", asked the copper.

I replied, "He told me as he ran off".
Reply With Quote
Reply
Page 27 of 33 « First 1314151617181920212223242526 27 282930313233

« Previous Thread | Next Thread »

Currently Active Users Viewing This Thread: 1 (0 Registered Users and/or Members and 1 guests)
 

Posting Rules
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts
BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is Off
Trackbacks are On
Pingbacks are On
Refbacks are On

Similar Threads
Thread Thread Starter Forum Replies Last Post
This is not a joke!! (X-posted on S'hara) treeofthorns sub-Saharan Africa 5 29 May 2008 20:26
This is not a joke!! treeofthorns sub-Saharan Africa 1 29 Apr 2007 14:18
Biker related Joke silverwolf Travellers' questions that don't fit anywhere else 1 22 Aug 2006 00:15
LC8 this is joke? Shelton KTM Tech 0 24 Mar 2003 18:07

 
 

Announcements

Thinking about traveling? Not sure about the whole thing? Watch the HU Achievable Dream Video Trailers and then get ALL the information you need to get inspired and learn how to travel anywhere in the world!

Have YOU ever wondered who has ridden around the world? We did too - and now here's the list of Circumnavigators!
Check it out now, and add your information if we didn't find you.

Next HU Eventscalendar

HU Event and other updates on the HUBB Forum "Traveller's Advisories" thread.
ALL Dates subject to change.

2024:

Add yourself to the Updates List for each event!

Questions about an event? Ask here

HUBBUK: info

See all event details

 
World's most listened to Adventure Motorbike Show!
Check the RAW segments; Grant, your HU host is on every month!
Episodes below to listen to while you, err, pretend to do something or other...

2020 Edition of Chris Scott's Adventure Motorcycling Handbook.

2020 Edition of Chris Scott's Adventure Motorcycling Handbook.

"Ultimate global guide for red-blooded bikers planning overseas exploration. Covers choice & preparation of best bike, shipping overseas, baggage design, riding techniques, travel health, visas, documentation, safety and useful addresses." Recommended. (Grant)



Ripcord Rescue Travel Insurance.

Ripcord Rescue Travel Insurance™ combines into a single integrated program the best evacuation and rescue with the premier travel insurance coverages designed for adventurers.

Led by special operations veterans, Stanford Medicine affiliated physicians, paramedics and other travel experts, Ripcord is perfect for adventure seekers, climbers, skiers, sports enthusiasts, hunters, international travelers, humanitarian efforts, expeditions and more.

Ripcord travel protection is now available for ALL nationalities, and travel is covered on motorcycles of all sizes!


 

What others say about HU...

"This site is the BIBLE for international bike travelers." Greg, Australia

"Thank you! The web site, The travels, The insight, The inspiration, Everything, just thanks." Colin, UK

"My friend and I are planning a trip from Singapore to England... We found (the HU) site invaluable as an aid to planning and have based a lot of our purchases (bikes, riding gear, etc.) on what we have learned from this site." Phil, Australia

"I for one always had an adventurous spirit, but you and Susan lit the fire for my trip and I'll be forever grateful for what you two do to inspire others to just do it." Brent, USA

"Your website is a mecca of valuable information and the (video) series is informative, entertaining, and inspiring!" Jennifer, Canada

"Your worldwide organisation and events are the Go To places to for all serious touring and aspiring touring bikers." Trevor, South Africa

"This is the answer to all my questions." Haydn, Australia

"Keep going the excellent work you are doing for Horizons Unlimited - I love it!" Thomas, Germany

Lots more comments here!



Five books by Graham Field!

Diaries of a compulsive traveller
by Graham Field
Book, eBook, Audiobook

"A compelling, honest, inspiring and entertaining writing style with a built-in feel-good factor" Get them NOW from the authors' website and Amazon.com, Amazon.ca, Amazon.co.uk.



Back Road Map Books and Backroad GPS Maps for all of Canada - a must have!

Your ad could be here, on EVERY page of the HUBB, or the whole website, or as many as you like!

New to Horizons Unlimited?

New to motorcycle travelling? New to the HU site? Confused? Too many options? It's really very simple - just 4 easy steps!

Horizons Unlimited was founded in 1997 by Grant and Susan Johnson following their journey around the world on a BMW R80G/S.

Susan and Grant Johnson Read more about Grant & Susan's story

Membership - help keep us going!

Horizons Unlimited is not a big multi-national company, just two people who love motorcycle travel and have grown what started as a hobby in 1997 into a full time job (usually 8-10 hours per day and 7 days a week) and a labour of love. To keep it going and a roof over our heads, we run events all over the world with the help of volunteers; we sell inspirational and informative DVDs; we have a few selected advertisers; and we make a small amount from memberships.

You don't have to be a Member to come to an HU meeting, access the website, or ask questions on the HUBB. What you get for your membership contribution is our sincere gratitude, good karma and knowing that you're helping to keep the motorcycle travel dream alive. Contributing Members and Gold Members do get additional features on the HUBB. Here's a list of all the Member benefits on the HUBB.



All times are GMT +1. The time now is 01:28.

Contact Us - Horizons Unlimited Motorcycle Travellers Website - Archive - Privacy Statement - Top