drivel drivel drilel...

The following questions were set in last year's GCSE examinations

Q. Name the four seasons
A. Salt, pepper, mustard and vinegar

Q. Explain one of the processes by which water can be made safe to drink A. Flirtation makes water safe to drink because it removes large pollutants like grit, sand, dead sheep and canoeists

Q. How is dew formed
A. The sun shines down on the leaves and makes them perspire

Q. What causes the tides in the oceans
A. The tides are a fight between the earth and the moon. All water tends to flow towards the moon, because there is no water on the moon, and nature abhors a vacuum. I forget where the sun joins the fight

Q. What guarantees may a mortgage company insist on A. If you are buying a house they will insist that you are well endowed

Q. In a democratic society, how important are elections A. Very important. Sex can only happen when a male gets an election

Q. What are steroids
A. Things for keeping carpets still on the stairs (Shoot yourself now , there is little hope)

Q. What happens to your body as you age
A. When you get old, so do your bowels and you get intercontinental

Q. What happens to a boy when he reaches puberty A. He says goodbye to his boyhood and looks forward to his adultery
(So true)

Q Name a major disease associated with cigarettes A. Premature death

Q. What is artificial insemination
A. When the farmer does it to the bull instead of the cow

Q. How can you delay milk turning sour
A. Keep it in the cow (Simple, but brilliant)

Q. How are the main 20 parts of the body categorised (e.g. The abdomen) A. The body is consisted into 3 parts - the brainium, the borax and the abdominal cavity. The brainium contains the brain, the borax contains the heart and lungs and the abdominal cavity contains the five bowels: A, E, I, O and U (What the
*!!*???)

Q. What is the fibula?
A. A small lie

Q. What does 'varicose' mean?
A. Nearby

Q. What is the most common form of birth control A. Most people prevent contraception by wearing a condominium (That would work)

Q. Give the meaning of the term 'Caesarean section'
A. The caesarean section is a district in Rome

Q. What is a seizure?
A. A Roman Emperor. (Julius Seizure, I came, I saw, I had a fit)

Q. What is a terminal illness
A. When you are sick at the airport. (Irrefutable)

Q. Give an example of a fungus. What is a characteristic feature?
A. Mushrooms. They always grow in damp places and they look like umbrellas

Q. Use the word 'judicious' in a sentence to show you understand its meaning A. Hands that judicious can be soft as your face.
(OMG)

Q. What does the word 'benign' mean?
A. Benign is what you will be after you be eight

Q. What is a turbine?
A. Something an Arab or Shreik wears on his head

LOL.... mmm, muffins....


I've been on HUBB for almost -gasp- 18 years, and I don't recall it ever being much different. Heck, if anything there's more useful info here now than in past years simply due to the increase in the sheer number of posting - you just have to learn to use the search tool to shift through the chaff.

__________________
Bruce Clarke - 2020 Yamaha XV250

Mere drivel leaves me somewhat perplexed .
But , and I say this in all sincerity , complete twaddle is infuriating .

__________________
Blessed are the cracked, for they let in the light. - Spike Milligan
"When you come to a fork in the road ,take it ! When you come to a spoon in the road ,take that also ."

To further putting salt in the wounds of the original OP.....

BONES your post has cracked me up, a grown man crying, laughing and choking out loud "IN PUBLIC" has done me a world of good and may have put a chuckle on the faces of people walking by.

So thanks from me and the passing crowd

PS. i'm partial to a good muffin too.

--'------ I believe that Muffin the Mule is no longer an indictable offence .

__________________
Blessed are the cracked, for they let in the light. - Spike Milligan
"When you come to a fork in the road ,take it ! When you come to a spoon in the road ,take that also ."