Its not that we set out to prove Ewan and Charley are girls with big knickers....

On the CONTRARY - this is an OPEN invitation to the luvvies (and their cute camera guy... Claudine or something?) to join us on the REAL way down to Cape Town from London.

We're two (soft, London) GIRLS on very, very old XTs, which we are preparing OURSELVES, so it shouldn't be tooo hard for them to keep up!

They won't EVEN need ANY of their very expensive (freebie) gear - which is a SHAME maybe, cos that LUSCIOUS red SNAP-ON toolbox is just sooo BIJOUX!

We're kitting OURSELVES out and just about EVERYTHING has been pre-owned or bought from ebay! (God bless ebay!)

(Not our very tiny, lacy black underwear ofcourse...they're STRAIGHT from Anne Summers! A girl HAS to be prepared in case you have an accident and the paramedics have to take your clothes off! Ewan knows ALL about the importance of looking good - that PIMPLE he sported during LWR was soooo EMBARASSING!!)

And ALSO - they DONT have to worry with all those trucks and Chelsea Tractors that are forever following them everywhere - cos we're managing to pack absolutely EVERYTHING WE NEED, including LIPSTICK and MOISTURISER (Body Butter- its gorgeous!), on our bikes!!

Nooo kidding!! We were JUST as surprised about that! Fancy that... we SERIOUSLY thought that we might have to hire a few extra crates like the two boyzzz did - but we managed JUST FINE!


Which is LUCKY - because that gives us loads of space for THEIR fluffy bums, to fit on our PILLION SEATS.

(For when their fancy new machinces break down (or they CRASH into each other) and the RAC can't scramble a private jet with a mechanic to fix it for them. Sigh! Celebrity Platinum Diamond membership can be soooo unreliable sometimes).

As a SPECIAL bonus - because we're ALREADY paying for the whole trip by ourselves (working 9-5 in an office), we will buy them food etc. on the way.
God knows, they obviously need as much help as they can get, what with never having to pay for anything themselves. Poor things, its the LEAST we can do and it will only take a few extra weekends of working overtime.

We'd EVEN allow Charley to pop a few of his daft wheelies - he's sooo silly! We learnt how to do that when we were 16 - so its a bit old by now - but its COMPLETELY understandable that he's got to get rid SOME of that frustration that comes with being in someone's SHADOW all the time. And what with him not finishing the Dakar... Bless him!

We'd HAVE to prepare them a little bit for the trip though. None of that HARD-CORE, MOVIE STUNT MAN anti-terrorism NINJA TURTLE warfare stuff that they got last time! (HONESTLY! We've both LIVED in Africa and NEVER even got in a fistfight! They are soooooo OVER REACTING!)

Nope - They would have to learn, to face Africa's harsh and breathtaking beauty, with only THEMSELVES to rely on!!!!!

And the ABJECT horror of actually INTERACTING on a NON-CELEBRITY level with LOCAL, ORDINARY, AFRICAN people??!

That will scare the LIVING BEJEEZUS out of them...


Oh - heck! ONLY KIDDING boyyyyzzz!

Don't get scared!

WE will be there to help you out if you get stuck!

We're just ORDINARY girls, with NOT a lot of money - but we're PRETTY SURE you will have LOTS of fun with us!

HOWBOUDIT?


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Disclaimer: The above was written in response to everyone else's heated response to the LWR/LWD franchise - which in itself is VASTLY more entertaining than the actual book/dvd. (Not had time or inclination to watch/read all of it).

Its meant to be a p**ss take and does NOT constitute my opinion on the project: Different strokes, for different oakes, as the South Africans say.

In fact - I'm far more interested in watching JOHNY DEPP ... have you seen SWEENY TODD?!

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