How to fight depression?

[sander.en.marianne]

Since a holiday with my parents to visit family in Botswana (about 25 years ago) I've been dreaming of travelling the world.
But what started as a dream is now slipping through my fingers like the diarrhea I had in Morocco..

Life hadn't been exactly easy for me for the last 9 years.
I had a motorcycle accident in 2004.
Was fired the year after because I needed surgery.
Cheated on my former girlfriend in 2007, because our relationship was missing that extra something.
Turned out she'd been sexually abused by her stepbrother as a 4 year old.
The same year her mother was diagnosed with terminal cancer.
We (or at least I) tried to cling on to a relationship that wasn't working anymore, 3 years after the breakup was inevitable.
It all had a serious impact on my performance at work, so I got fired again.

At that point I decided it was enough and that I was going to do this motorbike world trip thing.
So last year Marianne and I finally took off on what should have been the biggest achievement in my life.

The plan was to circumnavigate the world in about three years, starting with Africa. West side down,
east side up. We got to Jo'burg. Where we found out the bikes weren't good anymore to finish our trip.
So in December we flew back 'home', bought two 'new' bikes (R100GS) prepared them for the rest of the journey.
And since the the 30th of March we are on the road again. And although it always had been my dream to do it on
a R100GS, I'm NOT enjoying!!! In fact I'm not enjoying riding anymore...
In Albania, while offroading Marianne tumbled of her bike pretty hard. So we went back to Germany, to get some new gear.
Since then we have been pretty unlucky with weather conditions. Bad luck with our visas. Everything seems to be falling apart (tent, boots, etc).
The tar roads in Turkey were boring us. So we recently tried some offroading in Georgia. We had to turn back (once again)
because road conditions were pretty bad, and taking a beating at Marianne's stamina. I almost skidded of the road into a river.
Which got me thinking what the HELL am I doing???

Riding a motorbike always had been my way of clearing my mind, let everything pass by. But now I'm only thinking about how
f**kep up my life is. That I haven't accomplished anything. Also life on the road is getting hard on me.
I'm annoyed by pretty much everything. The careless driving of people. Even though I'm depressed, I sure don't
wanna be killed because of their recklessness. Too many people on this planet, f**king it up at a serious pace.
etc. etc. I've never been very social but notice I'm avoiding contact and conversations...

Right now (after just two months of riding) we are taking a break. Staying on Thassos for a short holiday.
Trying to enjoy, the weather, food, etc. And also decide whether we should continue our not.
But frankly I don't see the point.

[Linzi]

Hi, I don't know how to solve depression. It is hellish though.
Years ago I was told by someone to stop when you have a problem or situation that seems disastrous. Ask yourself, "Does this problem threaten my life?"
If the answer to that is no, then it is not a really bad problem and you'll laugh about it in years to come.

Beyond that I'd say take care of a relationship. Problems shared are problems halved. Or take a different perspective or view and maybe they're not problems at all.
Finally, helping other, really poor and deprived people can help change your depressive view.

An old Scottish saying, "Smile, things could be worse. So I smiled and you know what? They GOT worse!" He he, Lindsay.

[othalan]

I understand the feeling. I've been on the road 3 years and have hit low points deeper, darker and more depressing than I ever could have imagined possible. Yet I've always gotten through it, usually with the love and acceptance of a complete stranger. Here are a few random thoughts, perhaps you can pull something out that will help you. If you want some more detail, just let me know.

Traveling with someone is very hard. I've seen travel end many relationships. I have seen only a small handful of people travel together more than 6 months who are still happy with it. A friend of mine once said that a day of travel is as intense as a week of living together or an entire month of dating!

Travel changes a person. A lot. Yet accepting that I have changed is sometimes difficult and it has caused me to give myself a lot of grief over the years. This is part of why travel is so hard on relationships as each person is changing in different ways that are not always compatible.

It was hard to let go of my old dreams and accept new dreams.

Any time I feel depressed, angry or frustrated about travel I now know it is time that something must change.

In my experience, everyone traveling for a long period of time goes through the exact same pattern in adjusting to travel. There specific times when everyone traveling either changes how they travel (or who they are) or stops traveling. Common symptoms include: Depression, homesickness, and/or a temporary loss of interest in travel. Those transitions happen every 3-6 months. It seems to take a minimum of 1.5 years for all of them to complete. Not a lot of people last that long, which is fine! Traveling the world for years at a time isn't something everyone enjoys, even those of us who have dreamed of doing so!

Good luck, whatever happens!

[Mike K.]

Hello,

you can try to get more relaxed making Yoga and meditation.Enjoy the moment.Forget the past and dont worry about the future.And of course an healthy lifestyle with good food without and make sport.If this does not work talk with an doctor.Maybe this can be usefull.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3nwwKbM_vJc

Mike

[anonymous1]

Most people have had hurdles to get over! You are riding, many cant and have far worse issues to deal with! Just think how fortunate you are, look on the bright side of life, take in the surroundings and think again just how fortunate you are to be out there and doing it, harden up and deal with it!

[backofbeyond]

You have my sympathy. I went through a similar experience decades ago, although not on quite such a grand scale as you, and it still affects me now. The one thing I recognised (afterwards, as always) is that you can't ride away from your troubles.

I don't want to come over all pop psychologist with this but I think you need to take some time to take stock. At least you seem to be in a half decent part of the world atm to just kick back and try to think things through. Only you know the totality of your situation - home life, commitments, money etc, but assuming none of those are critical you need to work out what is important to you- and it doesn't need to be the bike trip. Just going through the motions with that while your mind is elsewhere is really not a good idea. As others have said it's stressfull in its own right and forcing yourself to ride and dealing with all the hassle that life on the road involves is just adding fuel to the fire.

I doubt (I couldn't) you'll be able to work out the best way forward on your own without the passage of a considerable period of time (possibly years) so Marianne is going to be a crucial part of trying to work out why you feel the way you do. You need to get some open discussions going between the two of you and be honest with each other.

I know how hard it must have been to come on here and write what you did when everyone else seems to be heading off somewhere in a blaze of enthusiasm and high spirits. Good luck with it all and I hope you come to a decision and a course of action that makes you happy.

[Endurodude]

Originally Posted by backofbeyond

You have my sympathy. The one thing I recognised (afterwards, as always) is that you can't ride away from your troubles.

I would echo this sentiment. I've known several people with whom I've worked (I would possibly include myself here) who have moved jobs trying to find a positive change in their lives, only to transport their 'baggage' from A to B. Deal with your feelings first, if you can, and then carry on; otherwise it's a papering over the cracks situation. When riding, as many have said, there's a lot of time to sit and think. It would be far better to have dealt with any issues, if possible, so that you can get back to enjoying a ride many people can't undertake.

All the best.

[Gallos]

Butt some's times things going well..Why?Because if you come over here, (Athens)you more than welcome to host you, Marianna and the 2 old ladies )

And Sander, enjoy you trip my friend... The problems are endless in our lifes..We need just to havethe courage to solve them.



Someone who spent a lot of summer in Thassos

[pheonix]

Originally Posted by sander.en.marianne

We got to Jo'burg. Where we found out the bikes weren't good anymore to finish our trip.

So in December we flew back 'home', bought two 'new' bikes (R100GS)
And although it always had been my dream to do it on a R100GS, I'm NOT enjoying!!! In fact I'm not enjoying riding anymore...

...we recently tried some offroading in Georgia. We had to turn back (once again) because road conditions were pretty bad, and taking a beating at Marianne's stamina. I almost skidded of the road into a river.

Sounds like this dream has taken over & you've become disappointed in not achieving your plans. You've put a lot of pressure on yourself to do this RTW trip & a few problems have overwhelmed you.

Since you're both on a bike, have you thought about downsizing?
Smaller, lightweight bikes on rough roads are so much easier to handle & you'll ride them to suit the terrain and slow down the pace of life.
They're very underrated and a great pleasure to ride. Don't believe the hype that you need a big bike or a BMW to do this trip

[anaconda moto]

Docktors thought i had a few months to live and told me so last year,
they had it wrong and at this point it looks like i have over come the illnes ,
after a very very hard year.
The fear is still here, because never thought it could happen to me.
No i wake up everyday saying "thanks for living", i really do.

Now it seems so stupid to be negative about relative small things in live.
I feel for you, but get up and slap yourself in the face ,wake up and see
the beauty !
I hope you can understand me

good luck mate!!

[Wheelie]

As I've had a few brews, I'll give it my best Yoda-mojo and set you straight :P


First off... Have you got anything better to do??? (I'm assuming no, or you should go do that).

Now, can you do what you are doing differently? Let's for instance say you tossed out the whole encomplishment idea to the wind... the need to make something out of yourself, to prove something, to accomplish something... I mean, what's the point, right? And, who's to who's benefit if "you make it"? No one really cares one way or the other, I'm sure, right (except for mom... but what does she know)? So if no one cares, and not even you yourself don't care for it, why do it? STOP what you are doing entirely or do it differently!

I'm not much of a philosopher - but let's give it the old Yin-Yang approach... finding balance in life.

My belief is that the greatest pleasure comes in the form of "relief" from overcoming suffering or tension of some sort (there are thousands of types, small and large). So, without hardship, there is no real relief to be had... no joy, no happiness. And, if you don't make a difference to anyone but yourself, there is no sense of purpose either. And, without a sense of purpose, there is never any real sense of "deserving" relief, making any joy short lived before reality catches up to you reminding you that you are a worthless excuse of a human being njust taking up space for everyone else... no reason to celebrate whatever you have endured, overcome or achieved... however small or large, you don't feel that you matter.

There is no free lunch - you have to earn your happiness. Happiness can't be given to you for free... it simply isn't humanly possible. You allways have to trade oppsites... shame for pride, guilt for clear councience, bad luck for good luck, etc... You can't have one without the other... Yin-Yang.

As if this was not enough, the magnitude of the "feeling" is not relative to its absolute effect on the world, but to your personal sacrifice and ammount of hardship. Relief of tension, removed by others, doesn't last as long and strong as what you yourself mustered (let's say you were poor and won the lottery vs being a self made man)... same goes for making hard sacrifices to set things straight with someone (relief of guilt), working hard to help someone (sense of purpose and worth), push yourself to overcome a personal challenge (pride. Give away something which has come easy to you doesn't feel as a sacrifice, even if it makes a much more positive impact than giving away something which costs you dearly, even if the impact is beraly noticable. Not that you should make huge sacrifices with no impact.... it will make you feel like an idiot. It is all about finding a balance... and finding this balance riding a bike only, is very difficult.

I would therefore suggest you slow down your trip to a grinding halt for a while. Go to some appealing place not too far away from where you are right now. Find a no nonsense job or volunteer or do something else where what you do matters to someone, wether it is the guy working next to you or the "client"... after work, wipe off the sweat off you brow, take your GF and your hard earned money and go to the pub with your new friends, and then hit the sack in whatever rat hole you have rented for the indefinate time you intend to stay here for. Then, before you get too attached or things become too blassee or repetetive, move on to the next place and repeat. You will learn something, make new kinships, matter to someone, make sacrifices, and get to travel, all in one go. You are truely free! I'd suggest a relatively small town where it is easy to make aquaintances.

You don't need to spend too many hours on a bike before you run out of things to ponder about... soon there is no more escape to be had, just more biting yourself in the ass. If you can't escape, then you have to "seek". Use the bike not as a means of escape, but as a means to widen your horizon and satisfy a curiosity (not the curiosity you wish had but don't because your head is occupied with everything else and nothing, but the curiosity that comes naturally given enough stimuli). If you stay put in a place for a while, use the bike as the functional piece of metal it is - a tool for getting you from a to b. Every now and then, take it for a spin near by your nest to blow off steam, to clear your mind and escape reality... or to explore your back yard and get to know the workd you live in... After a while, when you've got enough of the place, and you've been tempted by different riders to go to particular places, you say your goodbyes, pack your saddlebags, and ride with exitemenmt to the next adventure... When you get there, find a new routine and make a difference... and keep making a difference wherever you go. Then you will travel with a clear counscience and with a great satisfaction of accomplishment... Sooner or later you might even find that you've done a circumnavigation... maybe it took forty years

There is nothing to prove, only to do and not to do

In short, you need to find purpose... and you won't find it in the saddle, only in people.