I was mugged today and had my wallet stolen. The bloke hit me from behind, I went down and didn't even see him, just caught the back of him as he ran off.

I told the police that all I knew about him was that he was a vegan. "How did you know that if you didn't even get a look at him?", asked the copper.

I replied, "He told me as he ran off".

I don't think this is actually that far off from happening lol

GCSE: Cross-curricular studies for teenagers

Time allowed: 1 hour 45 minutes

Please show your workings.

Mathematics

1. Three people live in a house. All of those people are over the age of 14. Please explain, with the aid of diagrams, why only one of mum or dad can take the rubbish out.

2. Josh has started an apprenticeship earning £140 per week. His mobile phone bill this month was £385. How much pay will he have left over?
a) All of it, WTF should he pay his own bill?
b) None of it, he has spent it all on a tattoo

3. Jane wears a clean shirt to school every day. Jane has six shirts. Explain using Bayes Theorem and taking into account microbiological cross-contamination how likely it is that any given shirt on the floor on Thursday morning will be clean enough to wear to school.

English language and creative writing

4. “I was like going to the shopping mall and met like Lucy, Dan and like two other people from like school. We went to like Hollisters to get some like T-shirts for Dan and then went to like Primark cos Becky like needs a bikini for her holiday in like Benidorm. We were like starving so we went to like McDonald's to get like some food and met up with like more people from school. We all had like burgers and like chips and some of us had like a drink but some of us didn't have like enough money."

Explain the exact meaning and usage of the word 'like' in the above passage.

Combined Science

5. Explain, using the periodic table, why WKD will make you puke.

6. Explain the physics behind the phrase "It's just gone". You may use any of the following objects to illustrate your theory: an outdoor coat, one rugby boot, school tie, art coursework.

Technology and Computer Science

7. Explain how you will circumvent the broadband security your moderately techy parents have set up. Use diagrams if necessary.

8. You have been invited to sleep over at Harvey's house. Your parents wish to communicate with Harvey's parents about this.
(i) Explore and explain the circumstances under which the following items of modern technology would be simultaneously broken in order to prevent this communication from taking place:
a) the telephone - you should include reference to both landline and mobile.
b) email or any other internet-based communication system.
c) carrier pigeon.
(ii) Calculate the probability that, in a relatively small village, your parents already know that Harvey's parents have gone away for the weekend.

Critical Thinking

9. Explain what happens when you use the last of the toilet roll.
a) I put another full roll on the holder.
b) I stuff the full roll behind the back of the holder.
c) I'm going to Nando’s with Becky

Economics

10. You are in a house alone during the day. How many lights should be switched on and remain on?
a) Those in the room you're in.
b) Those in the room you are about to enter.
c) All of the lights including the fridge light as, though you are able to remove plaster when you slam your bedroom door shut, you can't quite shut the fridge door properly.

Philosophy

11. It's soooo unfair - discuss.

Bit sad people are letting off fireworks in the middle of October...Its that bad, my cat just ran and hid under the Christmas tree.