The choice of BMW's is obvious. The Journotron 9000 software at MCN has been linking the words BMW-reliable together since it assimilated the last real human writer in 1978. There is also cross promotion to consider as I assume celebrity riders will be wanting to follow up some record attempt (first ride to Cleethorpes on a Tuesday by a mono-testicled special friend etc.) with a DVD, book, aftershave, action figure, special burger promotion and so forth. Having a dealership network where a large proportion of owners must attend on a regular basis is obviously useful.

Valve nuts is a matter for ones support team. The celebrity should however make sure that gloop, gunk, slime, Ultrawheel and KY jelly are installed in the tyres. While possibly preventing punctures these products can be advertised by the celebrity.

The question of hard and soft bags remains unresolved. Hard bags offer a good surface for logos and a flat one on which to place a coffee cup while explaining how your bike is capable of leaving right now for the Great Trail of Tears via Didyerbringaalong, if only you didn't have to pop home and fix the dripping tap in the under-nannies out house. Soft bags however show that you are aware of the existance of a second book by Ted Simon, a useful link to the more troublesome know-it-alls at any book signing. I would suggest a mix, two five hundred litre anodized stainless panniers plus triple goretex, whale foreskin lined tank panniers.

Tent design is simple, the smallest lightest easiest to put up. This allows the film crew to tidy up after the camping shoot and get back to the hotel before the bar closes.

Ted, I'm surprised you did not mention helmet types. Open face is of course only for those who don't want to fall off, have their jaw ripped off and cannot afford a third spare GPS in order to avoid having to ask directions from dirty non-purchasing natives. The full face used for riding shots should however be logo'd to make sure stupider viewer can tell the stars action wheelies from the Special Friends comedic ones. This additionally allows a stunt man to play either role.

Andy