The Achievable Dream 5-part series - the definitive guide on DVD for planning your motorcycle adventure. Get Ready! covers planning, paperwork, medical and many other topics! "Inspirational and Awesome!" See the trailer here!
Gear Up! is a 2-DVD set, 6 hours! Which bike is right for me? How do I prepare the bike? What stuff do I need - riding gear, clothing, camping gear, first aid kit, tires, maps and GPS? What don't I need? How do I pack it all in? Lots of opinions from over 150 travellers! "This DVD will save you a fortune!"See the trailer here!
So you've done it - got inspired, planned your trip, packed your stuff and you're on the road! This section is about staying healthy, happy and secure on your motorcycle adventure. And crossing borders, war zones or oceans!
On the Road! is 5.5 hours of the tips and advice you need to cross borders, break down language barriers, overcome culture shock, ship the bike and deal with breakdowns and emergencies."Just makes me want to pack up and go!" See the trailer here!
Tire Changing!Grant demystifies the black art of Tire Changing and Repair to help you STAY on the road! "Very informative and practical." See the trailer here!
Ladies on the Loose! For the first time ever, a motorcycle travel DVD made for women, by women! These intrepid women share their tips to help you plan your own motorcycle adventure. They also answer the women-only questions, and entertain you with amazing tales from the road! Presented by Lois Pryce, veteran solo traveller through South America and Africa and author of 'Lois on the Loose', and 'Red Tape and White Knuckles.'
"It has me all fired up to go out on my own adventure!" See the trailer here!
We're not a big multi-national company, just two people who love motorcycle travel and have grown a hobby into a full time job and a labour of love.
When you decide to become a Member, it helps directly support the site. You get additional privileges on the HUBB, access to the Members Private Store, and more to come as we roll out new systems. Of course, you get our sincere thanks, good karma and knowing you're helping to keep the motorcycle travel dream alive. :-)
Travel BooksMotorcycle and travel books to inspire and inform you!
DVDs - Watch and Learn!
Horizons Unlimited presents!
Achievable Dream The definitive guide to planning your motorcycle adventure! This insanely ambitious 2-year project has produced an informative and entertaining 5-part, 18 hour DVD series. "The ultimate round the world rider's how-to DVD!" MCN UK.
Collectors Box SetAll 5 DVDs with a custom printed slip case. "The series is 'free' because the tips and advice will save much more than you spend on buying the DVD's."
Advertisers- Horizons Unlimited is well-established as the first source of reliable, unbiased information on all aspects of motorcycle travel.
We reach a dedicated, worldwide group of real travellers, and are the only website focusing exclusively on long distance motorcycle travellers.
If you sell motorcycles or motorcycle accessories, riding gear, camping equipment and clothing, transport motorcycles, organize motorcycle tours, or have motorcycles to rent, you should be advertising with us!
& still I am pissing beer every 20 minutes so you can have another short joke
A LESSON IN LIFEIn 1923 these menwere consideredsome of the worlds most successfulof their days.Now, many years later,the history book asks us,if we knowwhat ultimately became of them.1. The president of the largest steel company.Charles Schwab,died a pauper.2. The president of the largest gas company,Edward Hopson,went insane.3. The president of the NYSE,Richard Whitney,was released from prisonto die at home.4. The greatest wheat speculator,Arthur Cooger,died abroad, penniless.5. The presidentofthe Bank of International Settlement,shot himself.6. The Great Bear of Wall Street,Cosabee Livermore,also committed suicide.However:in that same year,the PGA Champion andthe winner of themost important golf tournament,the US Open was Gene Sarazen.What became of him?He played golf until he was 92,died in 1999 at the age of 95.He was financially secureat the time of his death.The Moral:Screw work.Play golf.
We have the standard 6ft.. fence in the backyard, and a few months ago, I
heard about burglaries increasing dramatically in the entire city. To make
sure this never happened to me, I got an electric fence and ran a single
wire along the top of the fence. Actually, I got the biggest Cattle charger
Tractor Supply had, made for 26 miles of fence.
I then used an 8 ft. long ground rod, drove 7.5 feet into the ground. The
ground rod is the key, with the more you have in the ground, the better the
One day I'm mowing the back yard with my cheapo Walmart 6hp bigwheel
pushmower. The hot wire is broken and laying out in the yard. I knew for a
fact that I unplugged the charger. I pushed the mower around the wire and
reached down to grab it, to throw it out of the way. It seems as though I
hadn't remembered to unplug it after all.
Now I'm standing there, I've got the running lawnmower in my right hand and
the 1.7 gigavolt fencewire in the other hand. Keep in mind the charger is
about the size of a marine battery and has a picture of an upside down cow
on fire on the cover.
Time stood still. The first thing I notice is my balls trying to climb up
the front side of my body. My ears curled downwards and I could feel the
lawnmower ignition firing in the backside of my brain. Every time that
Briggs & Stratton rolled over, I could feel the spark in my head. I was
literally at one with the engine. It seems as though the fence charger and
the POS lawnmower were fighting over who would control my electrical
Science says one cannot crap, pee, and get a nut at the same time. I beg to
differ. Not only did I do all three at once, but my bowels emptied 3
different times in less than half of a second. It was a Matrix kind of bowel
movement, where time is creeping along and you're all leaned back and BAM
BAM BAM you just crap your pants 3 times. It seemed like there were minutes
in between but in reality it was so close together it was like exhaust
pulses from a big block Chevy turning 8 grand.
At this point I'm about 30 minutes (maybe 2 seconds) into holding onto the
fence wire. My hand is wrapped around the wire palm down so I cant let go.
I grew up on a farm so I know all about electric fences... but Dad always
had those POS chargers made by International or whoever that were like 9
volts and just kinda tickled. This I could not let go of. The 8 foot long
ground rod is now accepting signals from me through the permadamp Ark-La-Tex
river bottom soil. At this point I'm thinking I'm going to have to just man
up and take it, until the lawnmower runs out of gas.
'Damn!,' I think, as I remember I just filled the tank! Now the lawnmower is
starting to run rough. It has settled into a loping run pattern as if it
had some kind of big lawnmower race cam in it. Covered in poop, pee, jizz,
and with my balls on my chest I think 'Oh God please die... pleeeeze die'.
But nooooo, it settles into the rough lumpy cam idle nicely and remains
there, like a big bore roller cam EFI motor waiting for the go command from
its owner's right foot.
So here I am in the middle of July, 104 degrees, 80% humidity, standing in
my own backyard, begging God to kill me. God did not take me that day...he
left me there covered in my own fluids to writhe in the misery my own
stupidity had created.
I honestly don't know how I got loose from the wire... I woke up laying on
the ground hours later. The lawnmower was beside me, out of gas. It was
later on in the day and I was sunburned. There were two large dead grass
spots where I had been standing, and then another long skinny dead spot were
the wire had layed while I was on the ground still holding on to it.
I assume I finally had a seizure and in the resulting thrashing had somehow
let go of the wire. Upon waking from my electrically induced sleep I
realized a few things.
1- Three of my teeth seem to have melted.
2- I now have cramps in the bottoms of my feet and my right butt cheek (not
the left, just the right).
3- Poop, pee, and semen when all mixed together, do not smell as bad a you
might first think.
4- My left eye will not open.
5- My right eye will not close.
6- The lawnmower runs like a sumbitch now. Seriously! I think our little
session cleared out some carbon fouling or something, because it was better
than new after that.
7- My balls are still smaller than average yet they are almost a foot long.
8- I can turn on the TV in the gameroom by farting while thinking of the
number 4 (still dont understand this?)
That day changed my life. I now have a newfound respect for things. I
appreciate the little things more, and now I always triple check to make
sure the fence is unplugged before I mow.
The good news, is that if a burglar does try to come over the fence, I can
clearly visualize what my security system will do to him, and THAT gives me
a warm and fuzzy feeling all over, which also reminds me to triple check
before I mow.
An Englishman, an Aussie and a South African are in a bar one night, having a . All of a sudden the South African downs his , throws his glass in the air, pulls out a gun and shoots the glass to pieces
"In Sarth Efrika our glasses are so cheap that we don't need to drink from the same one twice."
The Aussie, obviously impressed by this, drinks his , throws his glass into the air, pulls out his gun and shoots the glass to pieces and says:
"Well mate, in 'Straaaaailia we have so much sand to make the glasses that we don't need to drink out of the same glass twice either."
The Englishman, cool as a cucumber, picks up his and drinks it, throws his glass into the air, pulls out his gun and shoots the South African and the Australian and then says:
"Yes, in London we have so many bladdy South Africans and Australians that we don't need to drink with the same ones twice!
One day, an elderly Irish man lay on his death bed, bravely suffering the agonies of impending death, when he suddenly smelled the aroma of his favorite chocolate chip cookies, wafting up the stairs.
As he knew he didn’t have long to go, he gathered his remaining strength, and lifted himself from the bed.
Leaning on the wall, he slowly made his way out of the bedroom and with even greater effort, gripping the railing with both hands, he crawled and stumbled his way downstairs.
With laboured breath, he leaned against the door-frame, gazing into the
kitchen. Were it not for death's agony, he would have thought himself already in heaven, for there, lovingly spread out upon waxed paper, the kitchen table was literally covered with his all time favourite; home made chocolate chip cookies.
Was it heaven? or a final act of love from his devoted Catholic wife of sixty years, seeing to it that he left this world the happy and fulfilled man that he had always been?
Mustering one great final effort, he threw himself towards the table, painfully landing on his knees in a crumpled position. His aged and withered hand trembled towards a tempting cookie at the edge of the table, when it was suddenly rapped hard by his wife with a large wooden spoon, who viciously snapped………………………..
Voluntary Muscular Contractions
A professor at the University of Sydney was giving a lecture on 'Involuntary Muscular Contractions' to his first year medical students. Realizing this was not the most riveting subject, the professor decided to lighten the mood.
He pointed to a young woman in the front row and asked
'Do you know what your arsehole is doing while you're having an orgasm?'
She replied 'Probably drinking with his mates.'
It took 15 minutes to restore order in the classroom...............
If the global crisis continues at the present rate of greed, by the end of this year only two banks will be left operational ... the Blood Bank and the Sperm Bank!
When these two banks merge it would be run by ' bloody wankers '
Did you hear about the fat, alcoholic transvestite - All he wanted to do was eat, drink and be Mary
Got an e-mail today from a bored local housewife,43, who was looking for some hot action! So I sent her my ironing. That'll keep the lazy woman busy.
I got invited to a party and was told to dress to kill. Apparently a turban, beard and a backpack wasn't what they had in mind.
After a night of drink, drugs and wild sex Bill woke up to find himself next to a really ugly woman. That's when he realised he had made it home safely.
Paddy says to Mick, "Christmas is on Friday this year". Mick said, "Let's hope it's not the 13th then."
My mate just hired an Eastern European cleaner, took her 5 hours to Hoover the house. Turns out she was a Slovak
Since the snow came all the wife has done is look through the window. If it gets any worse,I'll have to let her in.
Came home today to find all my doors and windows smashed in and everything gone.What sort of sick person does that to someone's Advent calendar.
I've been charged with murder for killing a man with sandpaper. To be honest I only intended to rough him up a bit.
After years of research, scientists have discovered what makes women happy.Nothing.
A lad comes home from school and excitedly tells his dad that he had a part in the school play and he was playing a man who had been married for 25 years. The dad says, "Never mind son, maybe next year you'll get a speaking part."
Just had my water bill of £175 drop on my mat. That's a lot. Oxfam can supply a whole African village for just £2 a month: time to change supplier I think.
2 women called at my door and asked what bread I ate, when I said white they gave me a lecture on the benefits of brown bread for 30 minutes.. I think they were Hovis Witnesses.
So, it was another hot day in the city, and Penguin decided to take his little rag-top out for a spin. Tooling around town, he passed a garage that had a sign out - "Diagnosis in one hour or your money back !" .... well Penguin pulled right over - as his car had been using oil lately, quite a bit to be sure, and he, being a Penguin, was not at all mechanically inclined and really had no clue as to why it used so much oil....and popped out of the car.
Into the garage he goes, and to the first mechanic he sees, he says "I have a problem with my car, it is using a lot of oil recently and I'm a Penguin, I'm not a mechanic, I have no clue as to why. Do you have time to look at it ?"
Well the mechanic looks down at his watch, and replies "Sure, you've come at a good time - I can have a look at it - seems like a pretty new car so shouldn't be hard to diagnose your problem."
"That's just great " replies Penguin, hands the keys to the mechanic, and says as he's going out the door "So' I'll be back in an hour then ?"
"Sure thing, see ya then"....
Off goes Penguin towards town for a little walkie...looking at the sights, smelling flowers, watching stupid pigeons begging for crumbs in the park, window shopping, etc...when he starts to fell a little 'peckish' - something for the tummy maybe would be a good thing - and so he strolls over to a sandwich shop and orders a tuna sandwich (remember he's a penguin)... to go .
After paying the nice lady, he walks outside, turns right, down to the pier he goes(did I mention he was at the sea shore ?) and scrapes the tuna off the bread, and eats it ...mmm, yummy...and breaks up the bread - tossing it to the seagulls yapping around his head.
Looking down at his watch he realises the hour is nearly up, so he turns around and heads on down to the garage....on the way passing an ice cream shop...hmmm...ice..."I'm a penguin" he muses to himself - so he walks in to have a look.
The girl behind the counter asks what he'd like, he replies :You got any snow cones ?"
... to which she replies, "Yes. what flavor would you like"
"I don't know....how about strawberry ?" he asks....
"Sure thing" she replies, and in a moment he's happily walking to the garage, pecking away at his snow cone.
As he rounds the corner, and steps out of the sunlight into the darkened garage, he spies the mechanic, who walks up to him - wiping his hands on a rag (don't all mechanics do this same thing) ; and the mechanic pipes up..
"I think I found your problem !"
"Oh ! Good" replies the Penguin, going back to his snowcone...slurping loudly.
"Looks like to me you blew a seal" says the mechanic...
...the Penguin looks up, spluttering "No, no..it's a strawberry snow cone"...
Now that summer is here, get On the Road! Take 30% off the Achievable Dream - On the Road! 2-DVD set until August 31 only.
Our veteran travellers share their tips (and great stories) for staying healthy, happy and secure on your motorcycle adventure.
"A fantastic, informative and inspirational DVD."
"It's brilliant - thank you very much!"
Check it out at the HU Store! Remember to use Coupon Code 'ONTHEROAD' on your order when you checkout.
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Horizons Unlimited is not a big multi-national company, just two people who love motorcycle travel and have grown what started as a hobby in 1997 into a full time job (usually 8-10 hours per day and 7 days a week) and a labour of love. To keep it going and a roof over our heads, we run events (22 this year!); we sell inspirational and informative DVDs; we have a few selected advertisers; and we make a small amount from memberships.
You don't have to be a Member to come to an HU meeting, access the website, the HUBB or
to receive the e-zine. What you get for your membership contribution is our sincere gratitude, good karma and
knowing that you're helping to keep the motorcycle travel dream alive. Contributing Members and Gold Members do get additional features on the HUBB. Here's a list of all the Member benefits on the HUBB.