Dear Stormtrooper et al
Another point of view...
While at university, I read the social sciences/anthropology and wrote several papers -professional journal articles related to how various cultures manage to get their daughters married off to the right fellows.
After doing extensive research into how affluent U S parents figured out that they could not control the man their daughters fell in love with, but could control who their daughters met - the seven sister colleges were established and daughters were sequestered at these exclusive girls schools - that permitted only ivy league school "good" boys on campus for dates and parties -
Whoa, but what happened when the States provided land grants for higher education and anyone with half a wit could attend classes - much less than half of who ever graduated ... Now God forbid, daughters could meet and fall in love with any boy even boys whose families were not wealthy or well established.
So social clubs were invented - sororities for the girls and fraternities for boys - and peer pressure was applied so that the sorority girls would only meet and date the fraternity boys - who had been vetted ... at least this is the way it was. There was also created a "pinning ceramony" that led to engagement, marriage 2.5 children and a divorce.
So, in lieu of isolating their daughters from the bad boys, I may well be one,
parents tried to teach their young daughters what to look for in a man.
Parents were not very good at figuring that out or teaching it to their daughters as evidenced by the more than 50% divorce rate.
My further research indicated that if a woman or a man were to measure potential mates against these five simple, yet until now, mostly unpublished ideas, both men and women would greatly increase their abilities to find a mate.
So for the bad and good men and women of the HU Bar:
1. Each of us has a rhythm of communication, I call it speed of particle flow, that is how quickly or slowly a person inflows and outflows information/communication. Look for a mate with a similar speed of particle flow. Fast or slow processing of information/communication is not indicative of intelligence, ability or morality, it is just that the rhythm of communication and is important that mates have a similar rhythm of communication.
2. Each of us also has a chronic emotion that is an emotion we hang out in more often than any other emotion. For example, the cowboys of Arizona are antagonistic angry types but when they find a cowgirl with the same or similar chronic emotion, the relationship lasts forever.
An enthusiastic person won't last long with a person chronically in grief or fear. So, measure your own chronic emotion and then seek a mate with a similar chronic emotion and your chances of having a long term "happy" relationship will improve dramatically. Take note Markharf - which always makes me think of f...arf.
3. Big souls/spirits and little souls/spirits. I CALL THIS COMPARABLE MAGNITUDE ...This is so simple yet so overlooked. A big soul/spirit is one who believes " I am going to survive and you are going to survive even if I have to help you along the way" A little soul/spirit believes your survival is a threat to me and I will do anything I can to make sure you do not survive - including stabbing you in the back.
If you are a big soul/spirit do not team up with a little soul/spirit. You will regret it. I promise.
4. Mind and body. Find a mate with similar life experiences/ education/ travel / beliefs etc. You know what the divorce attorneys say opposites attract - Xfiltrate says opposites attract divorce. Just read what Milesofsmiles contributed to this threat to see the importance of similarities.
Thanks Milesofsmiles thanks.
And, of course chose a mate who turns you on physically! One who you want.
5. The last is a bit more complicated but just as important as the first 4.
Find a mate who can make and keep agreements. Relationships consist of agreements - spoken and unspoken.
For example if I agree to advise Elisa that I will not leave Buenos Aires before I advise her of my plans, and I take the Buquebus to Uruguay for, well for whatever reason, knowing I can return to Buenos Aires before she even knows I am gone, I as a decent human being must find some justification of why I broke an agreement with her. So, I look for reasons. Maybe she leaves the rifer door ajar, or the cap off the toothpaste or leaves too many light on...or what ever, I am trying to justify my breaking of an agreement and not telling her.
Elisa - being much smarter than I am - sits me down, whenever I start being critical of her and asks me - what have you done that you have not told me about . I confess and we both feel much better - so find a mate who can make and keep agreements relationships consist of agreements.
I hope this helps
Last edited by xfiltrate; 6 Oct 2012 at 17:48.