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"Some people feel all the rain. Others just get wet." (Bob Dylan)
Cheers from Namibia, Gee |
If you are in the thoughts of others and the love of another you are never really alone, it just sometimes feels that way!
You will come across, random acts of kindness from strangers and be suprised how much they cheer you up, just as others not thinking upsets you! Dwell on the good and not the rest! Best wishes Brendan |
I know how it feels!
Hi man!
I know how it feels to be despressed, really! I had thought about suicide really hard and in 2011 finally decided to break up everything and go on a trip. No idea where, how long or how far, just out of the shit! I felt a bit better down the road (but still not good) so I returned to germany and took on a longer trip in 2012 which took me 9 months and really helped me as I got rid of pills and the bad mood! The biggets experiece was, no more pills => no more bad moods???? Anyway after continuing the travell in 2013 I got a really good job offer back in Germany, which I thought give it a try and guess what happened.:(:(:( 6 months later (now) I am sitting here in germany, quit my job again and feel really really low!!! I could go on another trip, but that means I have to rbreak up with my gf, who meet during the 1st trip and I am not sure if that is what I want? We developed the idea of our own camp/ farm for travellers already during the travell since we liked it so much! It's really hard to give you an advice, since i self struggle so hard right now! If you would have posted half a year ago, my advice would have been. "Do what you feel it's the best and don't care about anything, because everything is better than this ****ing shit!!!!" I wish you (and myself) better days ahead!!! Feel understood! Alex |
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Since you're both on a bike, have you thought about downsizing? Smaller, lightweight bikes on rough roads are so much easier to handle & you'll ride them to suit the terrain and slow down the pace of life. They're very underrated and a great pleasure to ride. Don't believe the hype that you need a big bike or a BMW to do this trip :thumbup1: |
Docktors thought i had a few months to live and told me so last year,
they had it wrong and at this point it looks like i have over come the illnes , after a very very hard year. The fear is still here, because never thought it could happen to me. No i wake up everyday saying "thanks for living", i really do. Now it seems so stupid to be negative about relative small things in live. I feel for you, but get up and slap yourself in the face ,wake up and see the beauty ! I hope you can understand me:thumbup1: good luck mate!! |
As I've had a few brews, I'll give it my best Yoda-mojo and set you straight :P
First off... Have you got anything better to do??? (I'm assuming no, or you should go do that). Now, can you do what you are doing differently? Let's for instance say you tossed out the whole encomplishment idea to the wind... the need to make something out of yourself, to prove something, to accomplish something... I mean, what's the point, right? And, who's to who's benefit if "you make it"? No one really cares one way or the other, I'm sure, right (except for mom... but what does she know)? So if no one cares, and not even you yourself don't care for it, why do it? STOP what you are doing entirely or do it differently! I'm not much of a philosopher - but let's give it the old Yin-Yang approach... finding balance in life. My belief is that the greatest pleasure comes in the form of "relief" from overcoming suffering or tension of some sort (there are thousands of types, small and large). So, without hardship, there is no real relief to be had... no joy, no happiness. And, if you don't make a difference to anyone but yourself, there is no sense of purpose either. And, without a sense of purpose, there is never any real sense of "deserving" relief, making any joy short lived before reality catches up to you reminding you that you are a worthless excuse of a human being njust taking up space for everyone else... no reason to celebrate whatever you have endured, overcome or achieved... however small or large, you don't feel that you matter. There is no free lunch - you have to earn your happiness. Happiness can't be given to you for free... it simply isn't humanly possible. You allways have to trade oppsites... shame for pride, guilt for clear councience, bad luck for good luck, etc... You can't have one without the other... Yin-Yang. As if this was not enough, the magnitude of the "feeling" is not relative to its absolute effect on the world, but to your personal sacrifice and ammount of hardship. Relief of tension, removed by others, doesn't last as long and strong as what you yourself mustered (let's say you were poor and won the lottery vs being a self made man)... same goes for making hard sacrifices to set things straight with someone (relief of guilt), working hard to help someone (sense of purpose and worth), push yourself to overcome a personal challenge (pride. Give away something which has come easy to you doesn't feel as a sacrifice, even if it makes a much more positive impact than giving away something which costs you dearly, even if the impact is beraly noticable. Not that you should make huge sacrifices with no impact.... it will make you feel like an idiot. It is all about finding a balance... and finding this balance riding a bike only, is very difficult. I would therefore suggest you slow down your trip to a grinding halt for a while. Go to some appealing place not too far away from where you are right now. Find a no nonsense job or volunteer or do something else where what you do matters to someone, wether it is the guy working next to you or the "client"... after work, wipe off the sweat off you brow, take your GF and your hard earned money and go to the pub with your new friends, and then hit the sack in whatever rat hole you have rented for the indefinate time you intend to stay here for. Then, before you get too attached or things become too blassee or repetetive, move on to the next place and repeat. You will learn something, make new kinships, matter to someone, make sacrifices, and get to travel, all in one go. You are truely free! I'd suggest a relatively small town where it is easy to make aquaintances. You don't need to spend too many hours on a bike before you run out of things to ponder about... soon there is no more escape to be had, just more biting yourself in the ass. If you can't escape, then you have to "seek". Use the bike not as a means of escape, but as a means to widen your horizon and satisfy a curiosity (not the curiosity you wish had but don't because your head is occupied with everything else and nothing, but the curiosity that comes naturally given enough stimuli). If you stay put in a place for a while, use the bike as the functional piece of metal it is - a tool for getting you from a to b. Every now and then, take it for a spin near by your nest to blow off steam, to clear your mind and escape reality... or to explore your back yard and get to know the workd you live in... After a while, when you've got enough of the place, and you've been tempted by different riders to go to particular places, you say your goodbyes, pack your saddlebags, and ride with exitemenmt to the next adventure... When you get there, find a new routine and make a difference... and keep making a difference wherever you go. Then you will travel with a clear counscience and with a great satisfaction of accomplishment... Sooner or later you might even find that you've done a circumnavigation... maybe it took forty years There is nothing to prove, only to do and not to do In short, you need to find purpose... and you won't find it in the saddle, only in people. |
Auch, sounds familiar... my dear wife suffers from depressions her whole life.. I'm quite a positive dude, but sometimes I almost get dragged into the shadows of her moods.
Make sure you do not drag eachother down, otherwise it would be better go separate ways for a while. I went trough Germany last june and then towards Bratislava, and on to Budapest. I made the doubts and pains a bit better to bear with the local booze after I set my tent up at the best and most glorious camping spots. That's important, you do not want to camp in misery. Then after a few drinks, sometimes spent with locals, or fellow travellers I felt pretty good. Thing is to balance the liquor, as you do not want to sleep away the next morning and miss a beautiful sunrise with a sore throat and pounding head. Or let it influence the next days ride. I'm not promoting alcoholism, as alcohol does not take away your problems... (but as they say: neither does milk!) Take your time while travelling and in traffic. I'd like to end with some advice from my sponsor: "Keep on Walking..." or biking. |
Go.....
Go to where people are really suffering.
Where medical care, dentistry, food, supplies, clean water etc. are really very scarce if available at all. Where there is little or no work and no social infrastructure / social security. Where everyday's occupation is one focussed on surviving that day. Live with these people a few days. Your depression will have vanished before you even realise it. Now count your blessings- there are many- |
Ill tell you one thing - booze isnt the answer .
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A Big Up to any one who posts about depression. It is not an easy thing to admit to even to close friends let alone post on a bulleting board. Unless you have suffered with it you will never understand it. No amount of "man up" or "pull your self together" does any good it just makes you feel worse because you can't.
It is also relative as in small minor problems mount up and become big major problems collectively. I would probably not be so inclined to worry about relationships, smoke coming out of the back of my engine and insurance, visa and financial problems if my main concern was a roof over my head and food in my in my belly. Just because you have a roof, food good medical care etc does not stop you being depressed. There are many different types and something like one in four will suffer from it at some point in their life to varying degrees. For what it is worth I have suffered with SAD for years and as a consequence I have to use a light box and take care of my diet during the long winter months. I also know that booze and drugs prescription or not do not work, they make you forget about things for a while but do not cure the problem. Fortunately I have learned to live with mine and the big black dog sometimes turns into an adorable puppy but he never goes away. There is a myriad of help and information available online and a short search on Google should give some answers and might even make you realise you are never on your own. Best of luck with your dilemma and I hope you get things sorted out. Just remember you are not the only one going through this and some will have it a lot worse than you. Hope this helps. GM |
I, too, am prone to depression and so I do relate to your story.
Although it's true that wherever you go you take yourself and your problems, I have always found that travel offers the opportunity to change perspective and attitudes. I can feel hemmed in by a restrictive, negative mind-states and habits, yet find being in a different environment and culture allows me to start again. Under these circumstances I've often found that I become more vulnerable and open up some and, consequently, so does the world around me. But...this is because I always travel alone. Travelling with a partner would've inhibited my ability to reinvent myself or at least try new ways of being. I've always needed the space to get out of the siege state, to simplify, to gradually inhabit my body again, get in touch with feelings and slow down the though processes. Better to do the miles on the road, not in the head. |
Definitely what Bertrand and Mudlark wrote. Out of your comfort zone, and even dealing with life and death situations puts your body into a different zone. There's a huge amount of authors who've written about how troubles/depression lift while traveling. I actually do not agree that you take your problems with you. Yes, you'll always be the same person, but some of us just have restless souls and being in one place can stunt creativity and growth.
I recommend Bruce Chatwin who wrote The Songlines. In his book Patagonia he wrote, "I haven't got any special religion this morning. My God is the God of Walkers. If you walk hard enough, you probably don't need any other god." |
Thats pretty true Lorraine - being someone else with a restless soul :D. Depression is a slippery slope that is often hard to put the brakes on , you know its happening but sometimes you just cant squeezed the brake lever hard enough to stop the slide .................. if you get what i mean . There is light at the end of the tunnel , try and steer clear of booze and drugs , they are a prop and just mask whats really going on .
I also thought it was quite a lonely place to be until i realised that lots of other people had it too ....................... Ewan McGregor has it badly and he speaks quite candidly about the effects , worth reading as you then realise that despite all the wealth and fame there s still that thing lurking in the background . Hope you find what you are looking for ............. sometimes its right in frony of your nose :mchappy: |
As Chris mentioned Fame and fortune are no barriers to depression. here is a list of some surprising people who have suffered with depression
List of people with major depressive disorder - Wikipedia, the free encyclopedia I was surprised to see Bruce Springsteen suffers with it along with many others. For those who do not understand, here is one of many links you can find that attempts to explain what it is and how it is caused. What is depression? Symptoms of depression, help and treatment | Patient.co.uk There are many things you can do to help yourself but... what works for one may not work for another hence a there is a long list of self help articles. Many people myself included will never be rid of it but we have found a way of controlling it. For some it is being in the company of others for many it is being on your own. Only you will be able to work out what works for you. Sadly there is NO magic bullet one method works for all. I really hope you manage to sort your self out. A list of all the things that are getting you down and then jettisoning what you can may be a start? |
Update please?
Sander I notice the last post you made was at the end of May. What is your current situation and whereabouts? From the amount of views and comments to your OP it is obvious quite a few are concerned, please keep us updated.
GM |
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