Leaving a partner at home while away long term - How do you cope ?
 

I'm sure I'm not the only one here in this predicament.

I have a girlfriend of many years who I've left home alone twice, both for 6 months at a time..

The first time she was very understanding although not happy about it. The second time she was very pissed off and it almost ended our relationship...We survived though. Just !!

My problem is that I want to go away again but she has no interest in bike travel or the inclination to save and travel for such long periods of time.

I know I'm selfish but this is who I am and this is what I do ! Is it fair to just expect her to put up with me ? I would hate to have to decide between travel and my girlfriend.

This is surely not a new problem !! What does one do with a partner who doesn't want you to go and also doesn't want to go with you ??

It would cost too much and be a major PITA to fly back every few weeks or have them fly out now and then. I don't want to go to places near international airports etc.

I'm keen to hear what other people do in this situation.

Ted

I'd be interested too. My long term g/f has no interest at all on going with me on my trip, yet I would love to be able to share the experience with her :frown:

I don't really think that she is that happy about me going either, even though she is sort of encouraging, and if I were made to choose, it would be very difficult for me :confused1:

Lots of Skype and mail them gifts.....

My wife and and I have had this discussion.

Although at the moment she wants to come on an extended trip with me she hasn't yet got a bike licence. As i have mentioned in other threads there are a lot of reasons why this is more difficult for her than it would be for others (but i have mentioned this in another thread).

Hopefully she will come with me and we will both be happy.

She isn't happy with idea of me going alone but has accepted that this is some thing that I couldn't not do and it is part of who I am.

The ideal solution isn't yet discovered (apart from hopefully she comes with me) but i believe this will be part of planning the trip.

But unfortunately the question you may need to be asked to yourself if no solution can be found is which is more important: Traveling or your relationship.

maybe a sort of compromise?
sometimes I take wife but then I use my car..

maybe no good for you ( pickup truck with bike in the back ? )

I have been doing the long distance relationship thing going on 3 years now. Not quite the same. But, as mentioned earlier, it takes compromise on both parts. And, if both parts are interested to make it work, there will be a solution...

If it comes down to choice (one or the other), than something is/was already fundamentally off. But, that is just my view point. Hope you can work it out.

Yeah, I can definitely see how some partners might not take to well to you leaving for 6 months at a time. It's one thing if it's for a job, military, etc. but for what is essentially a vacation, and not to be able/willing to come along.

Not sure what advice I can give, except to decide what's more important, the relationship or the journey, and compromise accordingly.

Does it have to be 6 months?

Can you do a trip of 3, or the one you want to do, leave the bike there and then return later to continue?

For those who are not into MC travel, it will be hard to understand the drive behind it, and so harder fdor them to make the concessions to your dream, if they only see it as a selfish indulgence, and not a deep-rooted passion.

Thankfully, my wife is as interested as I am. She only doesn't always prioritise it as I do!

I feel for you, I really do and it would be great if you didn't have to choose but from the sounds of things you may well have too.

Sorry my girlfriend always sits on the back..

Well my problem is that when I do go away, I quit my job, sell everything etc. Three months or less just isn't enough when so much is sacrificed. (It took me two months to find a job after my last trip).

I have a trip in mind to canoe the whole Yukon river (2000 miles) and I just won't be able to do that in a few weeks or communicate often. Skype and email is a very poor substitute and didn't help her when I was in Africa anyway.

As said.. I'm going on holiday. It's not like it's for work, family reasons etc. I don't have those excuses. It is SELFISH..

I would love to bring her with me but she has no intention of spending thousands on what she thinks as a "silly waste of money" and she is not the traveling type even though she's a fabulous person. She is very unlikely to come with me.

Split in two is an understatement doh

I am currently on a 6 month RTW - nearly 4 months in and in Irktusk as I write this heading west back to UK - and have a very loving wife and family and I do find it quite hard at times especially as I am missing out on some fun times with my little granddaughter.

About two months into the trip my wife flew out to Vancouver and spent a week with me - no bikes just like a tourist holiday and we plan to do something similar when I get closer to or in Europe - Cheapo filght, good hotel and some catching up.

Internet communication is good but only if you can get it - not everywhere has it and even if they do it doesn't always work and most times is not fast enough for Skype. This question of being away for so long is excellent Ted - but my wife is fully supportive.

Quote:

Originally Posted by *Touring Ted* I know I'm selfish but this is who I am and this is what I do!

Unto yourself be true.

Quote:

Originally Posted by *Touring Ted* Is it fair to just expect her to put up with me?

Absolutely. If she doesn't like it she has the same choice as you.

Quote:

Originally Posted by *Touring Ted* I would hate to have to decide between travel and my girlfriend.

Sounds like you already know this is what you're going to have to do. And I'd put money on your decision. Remember what the difference between love and herpes is? Herpes is forever.

Carpe diem.

Having re-read this before posting it, it sounds very harsh, but it's that type of situation. You have to live your life, not someone else's

Regards, Mick

I've tried this a few ways:
1) G/f went to teach in South America, we stayed together for 10 months, it was a bit difficult, then she dumped me from the airport when she landed back in the UK, so that didn't work.

2) I went away on a bike trip. My g/f hooked up with my lodger, who stopped paying any rent and then moved out before I got back and took all of my good CD's. That didn't work.

3)I found a g/f who wanted to some on a big bike trip, but I couldn't imagine anything worse, so we broke up. That didn't work.

The problem is that these were three very different women, I was a different person each time around and it's been impossible for me to extract anything useful from one relationship/situation that would have helped with one of the others - so god knows how people can offer advice on other peoples relationships??

My experience with women has taught me one thing - I love working on bikes, because you can figure out what's broken and fix it! Other than that I've learnt nothing.....

relation
 

I have been in similar situation most of my life and what I learned from it is very simple . I will first make my partner aware of why I travel and how it makes me feel and that now is the time for me to do it. Second I will ask her or him how do they feel about it and if they understand my passion .Third i will ask them if they want to come for some part of it ( if off road do not ask , pillon are not happy to be bounce around and it can be scary), its all about comunication , if someone love you and know that is your calling they will wait and if they understand it better they will agree to do so.While on the road keep in touch and communicate your experiences and feeling , they will support you if they know more about what you do . honesty is important , traveller are selfih but that is how it should be . How can you love others if you don't love yourself enough to live your dream.

My girlfirend is also singularly unimpressed by Motorbike travel - travel, yes, but not by bike. I was reading the other entries, and I thought about an article I'd read recently in Adventure Bike Rider magazine, where Sam Manicom wrote about this very topic. It was issue 3, I think. You mention that you wouldn't want to fly home much - how about if she flew to you, and you made a 'holiday' of it from your travel?

All relationships should be about compromise. I've not gone for as long (yet), and my girlfiend is happy for me to do whatever - I'd MUCH prefer if she came with me, though. Shared experiences and all.

Not much help, really; sorry. Have a read of the article, it may help . . . .