Leaving a partner at home while away long term - How do you cope ?
 

I'm sure I'm not the only one here in this predicament.

I have a girlfriend of many years who I've left home alone twice, both for 6 months at a time..

The first time she was very understanding although not happy about it. The second time she was very pissed off and it almost ended our relationship...We survived though. Just !!

My problem is that I want to go away again but she has no interest in bike travel or the inclination to save and travel for such long periods of time.

I know I'm selfish but this is who I am and this is what I do ! Is it fair to just expect her to put up with me ? I would hate to have to decide between travel and my girlfriend.

This is surely not a new problem !! What does one do with a partner who doesn't want you to go and also doesn't want to go with you ??

It would cost too much and be a major PITA to fly back every few weeks or have them fly out now and then. I don't want to go to places near international airports etc.

I'm keen to hear what other people do in this situation.

Ted

I'd be interested too. My long term g/f has no interest at all on going with me on my trip, yet I would love to be able to share the experience with her :frown:

I don't really think that she is that happy about me going either, even though she is sort of encouraging, and if I were made to choose, it would be very difficult for me :confused1:

Lots of Skype and mail them gifts.....

My wife and and I have had this discussion.

Although at the moment she wants to come on an extended trip with me she hasn't yet got a bike licence. As i have mentioned in other threads there are a lot of reasons why this is more difficult for her than it would be for others (but i have mentioned this in another thread).

Hopefully she will come with me and we will both be happy.

She isn't happy with idea of me going alone but has accepted that this is some thing that I couldn't not do and it is part of who I am.

The ideal solution isn't yet discovered (apart from hopefully she comes with me) but i believe this will be part of planning the trip.

But unfortunately the question you may need to be asked to yourself if no solution can be found is which is more important: Traveling or your relationship.

maybe a sort of compromise?
sometimes I take wife but then I use my car..

maybe no good for you ( pickup truck with bike in the back ? )

I have been doing the long distance relationship thing going on 3 years now. Not quite the same. But, as mentioned earlier, it takes compromise on both parts. And, if both parts are interested to make it work, there will be a solution...

If it comes down to choice (one or the other), than something is/was already fundamentally off. But, that is just my view point. Hope you can work it out.

Yeah, I can definitely see how some partners might not take to well to you leaving for 6 months at a time. It's one thing if it's for a job, military, etc. but for what is essentially a vacation, and not to be able/willing to come along.

Not sure what advice I can give, except to decide what's more important, the relationship or the journey, and compromise accordingly.

Does it have to be 6 months?

Can you do a trip of 3, or the one you want to do, leave the bike there and then return later to continue?

For those who are not into MC travel, it will be hard to understand the drive behind it, and so harder fdor them to make the concessions to your dream, if they only see it as a selfish indulgence, and not a deep-rooted passion.

Thankfully, my wife is as interested as I am. She only doesn't always prioritise it as I do!

I feel for you, I really do and it would be great if you didn't have to choose but from the sounds of things you may well have too.

Sorry my girlfriend always sits on the back..

Well my problem is that when I do go away, I quit my job, sell everything etc. Three months or less just isn't enough when so much is sacrificed. (It took me two months to find a job after my last trip).

I have a trip in mind to canoe the whole Yukon river (2000 miles) and I just won't be able to do that in a few weeks or communicate often. Skype and email is a very poor substitute and didn't help her when I was in Africa anyway.

As said.. I'm going on holiday. It's not like it's for work, family reasons etc. I don't have those excuses. It is SELFISH..

I would love to bring her with me but she has no intention of spending thousands on what she thinks as a "silly waste of money" and she is not the traveling type even though she's a fabulous person. She is very unlikely to come with me.

Split in two is an understatement doh

I am currently on a 6 month RTW - nearly 4 months in and in Irktusk as I write this heading west back to UK - and have a very loving wife and family and I do find it quite hard at times especially as I am missing out on some fun times with my little granddaughter.

About two months into the trip my wife flew out to Vancouver and spent a week with me - no bikes just like a tourist holiday and we plan to do something similar when I get closer to or in Europe - Cheapo filght, good hotel and some catching up.

Internet communication is good but only if you can get it - not everywhere has it and even if they do it doesn't always work and most times is not fast enough for Skype. This question of being away for so long is excellent Ted - but my wife is fully supportive.

Quote:

Originally Posted by *Touring Ted* I know I'm selfish but this is who I am and this is what I do!

Unto yourself be true.

Quote:

Originally Posted by *Touring Ted* Is it fair to just expect her to put up with me?

Absolutely. If she doesn't like it she has the same choice as you.

Quote:

Originally Posted by *Touring Ted* I would hate to have to decide between travel and my girlfriend.

Sounds like you already know this is what you're going to have to do. And I'd put money on your decision. Remember what the difference between love and herpes is? Herpes is forever.

Carpe diem.

Having re-read this before posting it, it sounds very harsh, but it's that type of situation. You have to live your life, not someone else's

Regards, Mick

I've tried this a few ways:
1) G/f went to teach in South America, we stayed together for 10 months, it was a bit difficult, then she dumped me from the airport when she landed back in the UK, so that didn't work.

2) I went away on a bike trip. My g/f hooked up with my lodger, who stopped paying any rent and then moved out before I got back and took all of my good CD's. That didn't work.

3)I found a g/f who wanted to some on a big bike trip, but I couldn't imagine anything worse, so we broke up. That didn't work.

The problem is that these were three very different women, I was a different person each time around and it's been impossible for me to extract anything useful from one relationship/situation that would have helped with one of the others - so god knows how people can offer advice on other peoples relationships??

My experience with women has taught me one thing - I love working on bikes, because you can figure out what's broken and fix it! Other than that I've learnt nothing.....

relation
 

I have been in similar situation most of my life and what I learned from it is very simple . I will first make my partner aware of why I travel and how it makes me feel and that now is the time for me to do it. Second I will ask her or him how do they feel about it and if they understand my passion .Third i will ask them if they want to come for some part of it ( if off road do not ask , pillon are not happy to be bounce around and it can be scary), its all about comunication , if someone love you and know that is your calling they will wait and if they understand it better they will agree to do so.While on the road keep in touch and communicate your experiences and feeling , they will support you if they know more about what you do . honesty is important , traveller are selfih but that is how it should be . How can you love others if you don't love yourself enough to live your dream.

My girlfirend is also singularly unimpressed by Motorbike travel - travel, yes, but not by bike. I was reading the other entries, and I thought about an article I'd read recently in Adventure Bike Rider magazine, where Sam Manicom wrote about this very topic. It was issue 3, I think. You mention that you wouldn't want to fly home much - how about if she flew to you, and you made a 'holiday' of it from your travel?

All relationships should be about compromise. I've not gone for as long (yet), and my girlfiend is happy for me to do whatever - I'd MUCH prefer if she came with me, though. Shared experiences and all.

Not much help, really; sorry. Have a read of the article, it may help . . . .

If you feel the urge for traveling, is this really the right partner? Sometimes people just fancy a different kind life, even though they get on well together.

call me irresponsible but did that
girlie didn't like bike :thumbdown:
but I liked girlie
so.... did the only sensible thing- yeah, selfish it was,
left girlie, went traveling, found girlie that likes bikes and travel, dumped old girlie (who'd taken up wiv someone else when i wuz away anyways and lied about it doh)
Plenty of pebbles on beachbier
Plenty of new girlies on Yukon :funmeteryes:
'Paddle' Your life - you've only got one-
live it mate even if you are a scruffy bastard!!:rofl:

It certainly sounds like there are a lot of girlies out there who are very unwilling to wait to their partner if they go away...

Makes me wonder what my gf was upto when I was away also :eek3:


My "girlie" has waited for me twice now.. Six months at a time. That is already A LOT to ask from someone and I think it would be dam cheeky of me to say "thanks for waiting the last time but I'm a lone wolf now.. ta'ra love"

I'm going to drop the bomb shell on her this weekend and ask her to come with me. If she says no, then I'm going anyway...

Watch this space......................:helpsmilie:

Ted, Just let the air out of her, roll her up and put 'her' in a pannier - sorted!

best of luck
 

quote "I'm going to drop the bomb shell on her this weekend and ask her to come with me. If she says no, then I'm going anyway...

Watch this space......................:helpsmilie:"

Beer at my place if it all goes tits up. Best of luck cos I will be having the same problem at some point, hopefully sooner rather than later..

Ah the 64k question :rofl: I am in the process of planning my 4th thee/four month trip in as many years and I know that "its just part of me something I have to do is wearing a bit thin" so as a compromise what I have done the last two trips is met my G/F somewhere along the line parked the bike up and had a 2/3 week holiday togetherm after which she flies back home and I get to travel around for another 6 weeks by which time when I get back she has missed me just enoough to forget about what a selfish b****rd I am (her words) :rofl: This year have agreed to meet up in Bangkok so will park up spend 2 weeks doing the touristy things beaches shopping and such which should :thumbup1:be enough for me to get at least this year and next without too much grief and when I start to get too much grief unfortunately as much as I love her I really do NEED to travel and experience new things before I reach the point when I say I WISH I HAD DONE THAT because then its too late one life one journey.:D
So my advice is keep doing it while you can :scooter:

haha. And there's plenty of hot air to be let out, believe me! bier

Knowing you Mick, you'd be inviting her to be your friend while i'm away and then wine her and dine her with all your charms.....

;)

Hmm...That's a tough situation and I've had only one long distance relationship that didn't last 6 months.

Let me preface my statements by saying that I am only 24 years of age, and I feel that because I've learned so much in the past 10 years about relationships and how to deal with people, I feel that I will learn 1000 times that in the next 30 years of my life -- basically, I feel that all of you are more qualified to answer this than I.

But what I do know and have figured out early on in life via traveling the world, is that I will always do that I love to do -- travel. Whether by motorcycle, boat, hitchhiking, backpacking etc...It is probably the largest part of who I am. Anything else, I will compromise on, but traveling I cannot not for the most part. Perhaps travel will become a lesser part of my life as children and family enters my life, but I'll never lose that desire.

If I find a woman that doesn't like to travel, we simply wouldn't be right for each other. There are over 3 billion women in the world, and I know that at least 1% of them would love to travel and go on long bike rides to experience the world. People have that innate curiosity, or they don't.

If she gets mad at you for traveling and doesn't want to go with you, she doesn't understand who you are or the value of everything you go through when you backpack alone or bike alone.

I've found, especially after traveling to 3rd would countries and beyond, that I just can't explain the lessons learned or experiences I've had to another person who hasn't done it....and surely to a person who doesn't have the interest to do it.

Anyhow, I'm not sure of your age and perhaps that matters. That's my two cents from a mid twenties adventurer.

Let me know what you think....

doh from the sweet age of 12.... Schwrtz27 you gotta be kiddin mate !:rofl:


Ted mate - go canoe - and live
The key is enjoy life now (you could drown tomorrow!)
Like those 'anyone want to meet for a beer? posts.... the truth is that they are lonely AND many are already traveling in pairs.... but wont say they are .....says it all mate...
Go do your stuff:thumbup1:

Hi

Having spent most of my life in the forces I feel I have a need to travel.. plain and simple.

So when I left the Army and took up motorcycle travelling then I met the girl of my dreams :thumbup1:

But try as hard as I could I could not get her into bikes or my way of thinking about travelling.

So I lost my job a couple of years ago and with my army pension now had the time to go travelling, she was fully supportive and I started to plan my RTW trip.

Then a few months ago we broke up after 6 years together... I was devistated and threw myself into bikes and travel, now it turns out that she felt she was just "a base"... I never wanted her to feel like that.

So Im off next year, yes I miss her, Yes I still speak to her and in my hopes of hopes it would be lovely if we get back together after I have done all my travels.....
If we dont then, I dont feel selfish about letting her go, at the end of the day we both have our individual lifes to live :mchappy:

But its a tough call.. but its one YOU have to make !

Cheers
Geordie aka Will

I had to find a COMPROMISE: one year off, but not Africa, nor by bike. So, towards Asia by car. But together.

Have you tried some sort of compromise, something not so demanding for her (aka kayak the Yukon) to try to involve her? The more she tries, the more she may love such things. It is being happening like that in our case. You may "lose" some things, but will gain others: sharing the experience with her. And if she waited for you twice, she will probably let you go further once she understands first hand your motivation.

Everyone has an opinion, but it is really hard to give an advice (I just read the post I wrote and, how can one get so boring when talking about feelings??? Complicated issue, so deleted!!)

Good luck with anything you end up doing, but I would say "reach a compromise for both and try to involve her".

Esteban

I was really lucky, both with my wife and my tri!p She wasn't worried about me going but we did plan it all so she could come out to "do the bits" she wants. So although I was away for 6 months initially she came out twice making it so much better.

As others have said, email, skype etc make the world a very small place. But at the end of the day it has to be an agreement/compromise.

Just as an aside, we're all talking about men going traveling and "wives" staying at home. I'd LOVE to here from some male partners of female solo travellers and what they think and how they cope with it

Top man!

My Missus likes it when I go away but I have to arrange a meet mid trip if its a long-un.

and....



John

Ted - just picked up on this as I've been traveling in the US for the last month - with my wife! Presumably by now you've told your gf of your Yukon idea and been happily surprised by her response / recovered from your injuries. I'm really posting because this dilemma has been something that I've struggled with since the early 70's when I first started bike traveling and it's still a problem.

Only you will know deep down how you feel about her and the trip you're planning is more important than the relationship. There are, as other posters have said, many other pebbles on the beach but only you can decide whether a beach holiday is what you're looking for. If the relationship is really important to you at an emotional level then be very careful; I broke up with someone in the mid 70's because of the fallout over a bike trip (one that she came on!) and I miss her to this day. It affected just about every subsequent relationship including my first marriage and the trip was definitely not worth the decades of emotional trauma that followed.

When I met my current wife I was determined not to make the same mistake and I've been very careful to try and balance things out. Trips are usually planned several years in advance and even then have been canceled at the last minute because of family problems or (her) work pressure. I couldn't justify going off for a couple of months when she's working 12-13hr days and looking after the kids as well. For me this relationship definitely comes first. As they say though your mileage may vary; just be certain that you know what's most important to you.

Hey everyone,

I was looking through the forum and stumbled across this one so figured I would tell my story. In every sense of the word, I gave up the bird in my hand for the one in the bush. I've always loved traveling and have been on the go every chance I got. For years I've dreamed of traveling world, but when it became financially possible I became obsessed with it. A month here or there didn't cut it anymore. So a year ago I decided to sell my company and liquidate everything I owned to travel the world indefinitely. Which consequently ended a relationship of 4 years which was leading to marriage, bigger house, kids, and all the material things we could've ever wanted. I wanted her to come with me and still do, but she wants a "normal life". I'm not ready to settle down and not sure about kids. I left her once before last year for a month and it almost ended us then. This has been nearly the hardest thing I've ever had to do. I am still in love with her and it hurts. I gave up one life to pursue another and I'm at peace with that. I know there's something out there waiting for me and I intend to find it.

Selling my company and turning my assets into cash proved to be more time consuming and stressful than I originally imagined but now that it's done, it feels like the weight of the world has been lifted. I'm starting my 7 continent RWT in October. All I have so far is a one way to Bangkok, a few visas, full bank account and an open mind. My entire life has revolved around money, making it, spending it, keeping it and making more. It feels incredibly liberating to be rid of all the materiel possessions and financial obligations that were weighing me down.

I just wanted to share my story and say that alot of people give up everything they've every known to experience the unknown. The worst that can happen is you start over again with nothing, tough but not impossible. Keep your head up man and look forward to an exciting future. Happy travels!

John

So........ What was the answer ?????

It was met with a rolling of the eyes with that expression only a woman can give which means "You must be having a laugh sunshine" and I think she thought I was only extracting the Urine.

I pressed it a little further and she definitely is not pleased but now I have to go back packing in South East Asia with all the "gap yaah" monkeys with her too..

So it looks like I'm off backpacking in Jan 2013 for a few months before I'm allowed to go anywhere. It's not a bad compromise I grant you, but I didn't want to wait that long for my freedom.

Maybe I should just grow roots for a while and save a lovely wedge so I can travel even longer afterwards.... hmmmmmmmm

I might go mad before then though..:eek3:

You could, of course, hire a bike mid-backpack and meet up further up the trail......................

Something I would do, but she most definitely wouldn't let me abandon her in "scary Asia".

Well done
 

Ted,

I praise your decision. Life is in a couple is a compromise, it's "US", not just "me".

Take her to Khaosan Rd in Bangkok, so she has enough of the gap year monkeys (I like that term, I call them "mamarrachos": worked-out, tattooed badboy-wannabes wearing no sleeved t-shirts and white-rimmed or mirrored aviator sunglasses).

Then full-moon party and she will probably be pissed of (never been myself, though). Some days on the beach to breath you as well, and then head north to Chiang Mai and rent a (2-up big) bike to take her to the twists in some national park, visiting rainforest, waterfalls and the like, so she feels the contrast and understands what you love. Not yet ready? Slow boat following the Mekong to Luang Prabang, tons of calm and nature. Then maybe you could get XR Bajas in Laos! It will probably be something progressive, find patience (don't insist too much, my fault).

Wish you great fun, as a couple it will sure be nice. Enjoy seeing how she reacts to things new for her.

Just having read this thread couple of thoughts :
Did she know about your wanderlust at start of relationship ? if yes whats the beef ?
Be very wary of women who think you need to change , unless you can be honest with yourself and know there may be some things you need to address:innocent:
If she means that much to you you dont have to ponder the question her or travel !
There are plenty of girls /partners who would want to travel !
You need to take into a/c that there is a biological clock running a lot faster for females , and you can travel when you are older you dont sieze up when you are 40! (well not in most cases) .
Bike travel is far more dangerous than in a 4x4 . so if they care about you
they are suffering a lot of stress why you are relieving yours !
The big word in relationships that matter is COMPROMISE

You can get even more enjoyment ( perhaps debatable in some situationsbeer) travelling with your missus and kids and opening their eyes to the wonders of the world that you already are aware of and that drives you
its the best education that you can give your kids:funmeteryes: .

If your lucky they might lug you around later in life :D
JMHO

I think we've worked it out..

In March 2012 we're are going to set out together for a 12 months trip....


But.............By Car/Camper....... doh


It's not something I'm overly happy about but it will be a new experience for me to travel on four wheels. There was just no way she would be happy with one pannier for all her shoes, knickers and accessories :innocent:

She's going to sell her car (worth £6k) and save hard.

Maybe I can smuggle a small dirt bike on the roof ??????

Quote:

Originally Posted by *Touring Ted* I think she's worked it out.

Fixed

Regards, Miguel bier

hahah Mick... So true isn't it.

Congrats for the achievement!
 

Not alone, welcome to the club!:welcome:
I'd get a cheap French farmer's car: easy to fix, cost nothing and are great fun (having a worse car than the locals definitely help to meet people! RHD 2CV, doesn't it look great?).

IMO, a campervan may be to much for a relation in some cases, since you may spend way too much time together. And are more expensive, so harder to leave behind if necessary. Now you'll have to survive the trip together as well.

Destination chosen?

Couldn't be summoned any better...:thumbup1:

Dialogue:
- Me: I wanted to ride 2 bikes through Africa, but she didn’t, so had to find a compromise: we ended up driving a car to Asia.
- Friend: So, what’s her compromise?
- Me: Coming.

NB: We drove the car she and her 3 sisters learnt to drive with…

"I know I'm selfish but this is who I am and this is what I do ! Is it fair to just expect her to put up with me ? I would hate to have to decide between travel and my girlfriend."


and yet that is exactly what you must do. You can be an adventurer, or family man--rarely both

life long dream
 

I have a similar urge to travel and have done many shorter (1-2 month) trips in the past. I'm now seriously looking at doing an extended bike ride (6-7 months) -- a life long dream. My wife says go (she's great), I'm getting older so my window of opp. is closing. I'm in desperate need of a career change and have a few bucks saved up. The stopper will however likely be my nine year old boy who I don't think I could bare to leave for that amount of time. I'm lucky to have such a great family.

Should I assume you are a family man then? :innocent:

I'd love to ask my children (if ever have them): do you prefer truck or yacht? You may try with your 9y/o: 4x4 or Ural sidecar and take the whole family on great loooong 3 month summer holidays (amazingly, could encompass being adventurer and family man!)

I can understand, my last boyfriend was very anti bikes. Escaped that one!

I now have the opposite problem, no one to go travelling with, although I do like travelling alone, and find that I meet more people, and have to up my spidey sense of anything untoward, but I get a better sense of achievement by doing things myself.

Some chaps i've met have been surprised/put off that I want to up sticks and bugger off for a year.

If you don't go or make a significant compromise, are you always going to be asking what if?

Dunno, I grew up with a father who put bikes (rebuilding questionable classics) above all else, at the expense of a harmonious home life and more pennies towards replacing fridges, and family holidays.

So we are back to the general consensus of 'its difficult'.

Well.. What a turn of events...

We ended up breaking up. She wanted the 9-5, morgage , week in Majorca and I don't.. It came to a head and a separation was the only solution we could both come to.

Was never going to work was it.... Alas !

So, I'm going to India in January for a month for some winter sun. Coming home and working until June then heading to Canada on a Yukon Canoe trip. After that, who knows........

I do feel a South East Asia bike trip is on the cards :thumbup1:

But leave the door open. Whatever happens, wish you both a nice and happy future, whether following each one his own path, or maybe together overlanding... (brainwashing takes great effort, loooong time and difficult compromise and it always remains and unfinished job :stupid:)

But if it finally has to be... don't forget to bring the waterproof camera to the Yukon and post pics in the HU Bar or wherever else!:thumbup1:

Gentlemen! From a female (4 wheel!!!) traveller , thank you for sharing. Your posts make interesting reading, especially to get the male persective since us females are often the ones who "can't" leave the boyfriend behind. A few years ago, I left a boyfriend behind to go on a short trip, but he didn't really get what I was doing so when I came back, I reverted to the urban girlfriend role.

Mostly I find it hard to meet men who are interested in overlanding travel to out of the way places who are happy to be with a woman who can get there herself and who's trip isn't just about the kit. (In South Africa, overlanding is very much a male thing and many drag trailer loads of gear and lights with them.) This has its positives when preparing for a long trip as I don't need to consider anyone else, but I can understand how it would put a spanner in the planning and preparation.

That said, I prefer not to travel alone (driving a RHD on the wrong side of the road in Africa, you need a co-pilot), so often need to wait for someone to free themselves up to join me - not easy when the plan is for an extended trip of a year or so and when everyone is married and breeding. My good friend has agreed to travel with me up the west side of Africa next year, so we're setting of from Cape Town with my dog in my Land Rover and are heading to Timbuctu. It's harder for my friend who is leaving her 19-year-old son behind and there aren't funds to fly him over to meet us en route. It's tough for her.

So, I don't know what's worse: having a lover who can't indulge the traveller in you, or not having a lover when you're not indulging the traveller in you. Compromise should be a 4-letter word!

Ted, clearly from your posts you are not the settling down type. I was surprised to read in your opening post in this thread that you had a longterm girlfriend and especially someone who didn't share your passion or at least try to indulge them. Your life cycles are completely opposed - her approach is much more long term and stable whereas you are only ever looking a few months ahead to when you've saved enough dosh to set off again - from an outsiders viewpoint it's hard to see how it ever worked but I guess she was thinking you'd get it out of your system and settle down!

My wife and I have always travelled together. We spent a year travelling from the UK to Cape Town. She was extremely worried about doing the trip but has always had a 'face your fears' approach to life and it worked out fine. We've been bringing up our kids for a few years so no major travels but as they approach leaving home we trying to set up our lives so we can do a few extended trips again although canoeing down the Yukon isn't on the list.

Really interesting thread.

I've been married now for 16 years. My wife understands (sort of) my passion for bikes. I've rode and raced them for years. First time she saw me I was in a rather 'second hand' set of one piece leathers held together with duct tape.

We both have the travelling bug, but in different formats. I would quite happily ride for miles and miles, my wife hates road travel. Cars or bikes.
We have both discussed the idea's of travelling, I have a 15 yr old son to consider at the moment, who's just hitting the important years at school, so this has put any immediate plans on hold but allows me to build up experience for touring in the UK. Most probably with my lad on the back.

I know my wife would hate travelling for hours and hours on the back of a bike. It's just not her thing. She did learn to ride when we first met, but I don't see that as an option either as she hasn't rode for 16 years (since passing her test!)

The best compromise we can come up with for now, is she fly's out and I meet her at different destinations. I think this is probably our best bet for now, but hey I'm flexible and if a better solution turns up then I'd go with it. Main thing is doing what makes you both happy. Life ain't no dummy run, so I intend to make the most of it.


Rob

Tune beginning to change here
 

Dear Horizons Unlimited agony aunt

I have been planning my 4 month trip for some time now 2-3 years. I set off in August. OK I seem to be obsessed with it sometimes.

My wife of 10 years has been supportive of me all along but recently the whole tune changed. After a going away party (seeing someone off to Europe) me and several others talking purely about trips past and planned, she has gone all weird on me and now wants nothing to do with it. She is annoyed she has nothing to say when we meet others, whereas, I've been several places and intend going several places she knows nothing about. It excludes her from the conversation although I always try hard to get her involved.

I did want her to come on parts of it but she knows I prefer to ride alone mostly. I thought about the flying her into key places I'm visiting, we already have Paris and Bangkok on the list. she doesnt fare well with dodgy food and can spend a lot of time unwell with even minor food poisoning which ruled her out of India & Pakistan etc.

I was going to delay until next year but it was her who suggested I get on with it this year.

We have booked to come to Horizons meet in Brisbane this year, now she wants me to cancel flight.

I am now simply confused.

I know this trip would change us slightly, I did bring this up as I'm concerned about our family and want to keep a balance. But I didn't think it would change before I left!

Frustrated ...

Hi Ted
You know what they say, 'if it flies, floats or fux' its better to rent !!

I agree with Landygirl, this is a very interesting thread of a different perspective.

My last partner of 9 yrs wasn't into bikes (I've been riding since aged 19) and since our split, I've been determined that the next partner is into bikes and likes travel.
But most bikers I've met think I'm bonkers for travelling beyond the yorkshire boundary and regularly riding on my own or having solo holidays.

I want to ride a bike, at home and abroad
I want to go to weird places and discover different cultures
I want to push my comfort zone - life is for living
I enjoy being unconventional but most people strive to fit in with the norm - I guess that's why we're members of Horizon's Unlimited!

[QUOTE=pheonix;379746]I agree with Landygirl, this is a very interesting thread of a different perspective.

My last partner of 9 yrs wasn't into bikes (I've been riding since aged 19) and since our split, I've been determined that the next partner is into bikes and likes travel.

I want to ride a bike, at home and abroad
I want to go to weird places and discover different cultures
QUOTE]


Tedz........Free !:wub::icon16:

Be gentle with him tho, and watch your purse, he's Scouse! :blushing:

hahah you better watch more than your purse !!!beer


Well.... As always, things have changed.

I'm with a wonderful lass now who also has a love for the world when she can get away.

She owns her own business as a tattooist, loves bikes and travel earns very good dosh so has the financial freedom.....

She also lets me spread my wings on my own which is something I've never really found in a partner.

I'm off to Canada for two months in a few weeks and although she's upset about it, she totally understands me and what I need in life. I was honest about my lifestyle from the start..

Like many wise old sages have said on here, it's about compromise. My original plan was to spend four-five months in North America but I'm cutting that down to two....

I can live with that. :innocent:

Anyway, we've agreed to spend a month in Argentina for Xmas/NY so she's got that to look forward to..

I guess it's all about finding the right partner in life...

:thumbup1:

[QUOTE=*Touring Ted*;379769



Anyway, we've agreed to spend a month in Argentina for Xmas/NY so she's got that to look forward to..

I guess it's all about finding the right partner in life...

:thumbup1:[/QUOTE]

Ted: if your spending time in Nova Scotia your welcome at my place, let me know. I'm leaving for TDF 1 Aug and meeting my wife in Argentina at New Years as well, probably in BA's:funmeteryes:

Cheers Philip

Thanks for the offer mate..... I'll 'BEAR' it in mind.... ;)

Although, I'll be on the other side of the country.

You're gonna have a blast in TDF :)

:oops2:That'll teach me to read the whole thread. Have a great time up there, I've always wanted to go kayaking in the far north. Are you going to post a report and pictures?

Cheers Philip

I should and I could but If I do is another matter....

As far as my blog goes, I'm still in Mocambique !! :rofl:

I'll try to think as a woman (if that is ever possible) based solely on what you said...

What if she's actually afraid of going to the HU Meeting and getting involved in the conversations because she feels some pressure on her to join you during some stretches of the trip and she actually doesn't want? I mean, you said that she accepts that you go (a big thing already), but apparently tries to get away of the whole idea. You say you are sometimes a bit obsessed (everyone here is!), which for a woman is a pain, she doesn't give a s*it for motorcycles and the like... ask your self: does she really want to join or not at all? Answer honestly, not what you would like.

If it is NO, then I'd say talk less about the trip, especially regarding her and (these sounds very cheesy and I feel this is VOGUE magazine answering), spend more time with her, do something to make her feel as (MORE) important than the trip, as the real core for you, all that bullshit (sorry, I cannot be a woman yet!) to work against that need of attention/jealousy inherent to woman when you do not pay (enough) attention to them. She may feel to be competing with a motorbike for your attention. Women things, just crazy for us, although no matter how they are, they all have a good bit of that attitude inside.

Just a possible vision of things. Hope it may help in some way.

Good luck, safe trip,

Esteban

PD: If she were not interested in going (rain, cold, motorbike, dust, horrible food...), what about you coming back home a couple of times to show how your family and WIFE are the most important thing to you? As said, the key word is COM-PRO-MISE.

We've had long chat about it. Solution is coming part way at start and meeting up in Thailand for a week, then meeting again in Australia.
Thanks for the comments guys! :)

Lucky for us my wife and I both love travel. My schedule allows extended muti-month trips while my wife's schedule is a bit more restricted.

Our solution: She takes her vacations :Beach: to coincide with a location that I'm at that she wants to visit. She even brings gear and we ride two up for a couple of weeks at a time.