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a life choice: advice wanted
I have come to a point in my life where I am unsure of which path to follow; I am looking for honest answers and advice. In the end the decision is my own and I am not looking for anyone to make it for me, rather I am looking for advice from those of you who have more experience than I in life. I am 27 years old and luckily I realized years ago to learn from others mistakes, life lessons, regrets, and triumphs. Forgive me if this is to long but I feel that I must provide a certain amount of details to help others understand where I am coming from.
All my life I have been looking for adventure since I was a little kid, needless to say I have done a great amount of hiking, backpacking, Mt. biking, USMC, motorcycle racing, and a multitude of other activities I’ve gone cross country for 5 weeks as well. So this draw is nothing new for me. What I am thinking of doing, and have been seriously considering it for months now, is to sell what I have and pack my life onto my KLR and ride for a year or more till I just feel like I’m done and want to go home. I would ride from my home in CT starting approximately May 2010 to wherever the road takes me at minimum I would want to go to Alaska, then down to TDF taking my time along the way no strait lines not the fastest way possibly spending days at a time in the same spot if it was looking like a good spot. If possible I would ship myself and my bike to Europe and travel the same way there. This would be a self funded trip and the chance of a lifetime. So here is the fork in my road. If I take this trip I will lose my girl of 3 years as she does not want to wait any longer, we were going to move to Colorado buy a house and start off there, we have known each other for 13 years so 3 doesn’t really count. I have asked her to come along and she wants nothing to do with the trip. I’m afraid that if I don’t take this trip that I may be resentful to our relationship for the rest of my life with the could have would have should haves. But if I do take this trip I may be missing out on a family and a home for some years. But I could also possibly meet someone with the same interests as me and that would be great. If I don’t do it now I’ll be stuck with a mortgage payment and probably kids for the rest of my life and never have the opportunity to do something like this. My budget for the trip would be approximately $9000 US per year while on the road; I will have prepaid a year’s worth of medical coverage and motorcycle insurance as well as a year subscription to the Find Me Spot with the tracking and the rescue coverage to give my family some peace of mind. Tax on my bike is only $50 a year so not a big expense. I do have someone at home to take care of my mail and bills if need be but I will be debt free in a year, damn student loans. As a backup I will have a credit card of course. I have no problem if low on funds getting a job wherever I find myself for a while and then continuing on, so that is always another option. Financially I know it’s not a lot of money but I don’t need much, I am planning on camping everywhere unless offered a room, and eating well but not too well I’ll make all my own meals. I feel fairly prepared, I’ve done plenty of traveling in the past but the Dual Sport style is a bit new to me but I’ve been racking up the miles and have been riding various other bikes for years. The gear is not a problem like I said I’ve been hiking and doing things for years so I have all the necessary gear (cooking, sleeping, tents, medical, water filtration, clothes….). So what advice do you have to offer? And what questions do have? EDIT: im getting all kinds of support for going from everyone and i greatly appreciate it. i have to say i think that you are right it is something that i should do and if i didnt i would regret it later on down the line for numerous reasons. im definitely going to try to make it work between us and give her lots of options because she is great but as of today i wont be letting her/us stop me from going. i also would like to know what else you guys think about the trip. do you think its possible on $9000 US, thats about $24.65 a day, it would severely limit my range but give me the time to take it all in. im thinking i could use $5 a day for food, cook my own stuff of course and fish in my down time (i would not count on catching fish im a pretty bad fisherman) so what do you think about the logistics of it all? EDIT: I HAVE DECIDED TO GO!! AFTER YEARS OF DREAMING AND MONTHS OF CONSIDERING I FEEL THIS IS WHATS BEST FOR ME THE PLAN IS TO LEAVE MAY 2010!!!! Cheers josh |
Well dusty,
Not sure what to tell you other than that this is probably not the only chance you'll have to take a trip like this, so you might be overdramatizing a bit. Sure, it could be twenty years before you can go, but the world isn't going anywhere...:mchappy: So, if this is the girl of your dreams (OK, other than not wanting to spend years on the back of a bike with you), you should stick with her and not resent her for it--I mean, your trip would be a pretty shitty deal for her, right? I mean a few months OK, but a few years? In any event, if you really want to, you'll be able to do the trip later--maybe much later, but what the hell... On the other hand, if she's just sort of someone you've been hanging around with for three years, might as well cut bait and hit the road. The fact that you're even considering this kind of trip, however, makes me think that you need a change, or at least think you do. I can tell you from my experience that change is not always for the better, however, so choose wisely...:confused1: |
thank you motoreiter for the advice. maybe long on down the line i would be able to do the trip but im afraid that if i put it off that it may be one of those things that will always sit on the back burner. you are right it is a shitty deal for her and i may go so far as to say selfish on my part :( but that is what i am wrestling with. thanks again
cheers josh |
There is a wonderful book called "The Alchemist" - could be worth while your reading it.
Just an idea- |
I'm not going to tell you anything you don't already know....if you teeter on the brink, then go - it's far better to regret something you did than something you wish you had......
If your girl is the right one for you, she'll be there when you get back - however, I think you know the outcome here. There'll be other lovers. I used to think there is only one person for you - the reality at the other side of 40 is that there are at least a few you could have a great life with, so if she won't engage with something you have to do, then move on. Better pain now than with mortgage and kids in tow..... Good luck. I may not be in NL by the time you hit the road, but there's always space on my floor for you, wherever I am. S |
Blimey Josh, choices, choices! So many options available to you but the living it up in Colorado with all the riding that offers and a sweet girl at the homestead at the end of the day to boot... well :clap:! Women often pride themselves on their abilities to change their menfolk to their way of thinking, so how about that working the other way round - equality of the sexes and all that, eh :rofl:. "Chicks dig bikes", right?
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Not an easy choice...but I think you kinda know the answer and are looking for this thread to affirm????
I also think you have more choices than the two you've offered up so far. You need to be creative and negotiate with her. You can have both. The trip and choices before you...are in a very ironic way a test of how stubborn you are in willing the reality you want. Hope that helps...I was in your shoes before my trip...and it will take a lot of work to make this trip happen, and farkling up your KLR is not what I'm referring to;) |
World Shortest Fairy Tale
Once upon a time, a girl asked a guy, "Will you marry me?" The guy said, "NO!" And the guy lived happily ever after and rode motorcycles and went fishing and hunting and played golf a lot and drank beer and scotch and left the toilet seat up and farted whenever he wanted. THE END A friend sent me that a while after I got back from my last bike trip, it cracked me up. For some semi-serious advice, it can be very hard to choose between the predicable reality of the known and the endless promise of the unknown. One is a fairly predictable path of a life with a person you have grew with for a few years and the other is the unknown outcome of a path with no clear direction. Rarely do people regret the learning and changes that come from such a long journey. Occasionally they do regret the cost of the journey, which is usually a relationship. A good place to start is to question how important is she to you. The people here will be able to provide some insight into how important their trips have been to them. From there you get to make the unenviable task of determining whether the cost is worth the benefit. |
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so, i think it depands wheter you find the right one or not! |
I was 34 when faced with some thing similar. My vote, go ride. You are quite right in thinking you may not do it otherwise. Good luck what ever you decide.
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I would say GO riding, specially now that you now have the opportunity. She will wait for you if she really loves you, if not, the relation was not meant to be anyway.
I wish now that I took the time to do the things I really wanted before the kids, and mortgages, insurances, taxes, houses, moves, etc... Life is too short, and youth is shorter. :scooter: |
thank you all for your responses and by all means keep them coming my ears are wide open. i think that the overwhelming statement being made is that opportunity can sometimes knock only once. i am truely grateful for all of your words and take them all into consideration, i have alot of pondering to do over the next 15 months as well as preparation if i decide to go. i will keep you informed until then feel free to speak your minds
cheers josh |
seems clear to me
Dusty,
The fact that you consider the possibility that you may meet a woman who likes bikes and has similar interests says much about your real feelings. If the woman you are with is the love of your life you wouldn't be thinking about whether it is possible to find something better, but rather about how to keep her AND have your trip. I have seen many people stay together because they didn't think they could find anyone better and have been tempted to do so myself. It would not have worked out for me and I don't think it has for them either. Just a suggestion...my fiance has agreed to my 16 month bike trip on the grounds that he gets to take vacations and fly to visit me in exotic locales. Cheers, Tina |
i wish that she would be understanding of it. but how it boiled down was i told her about my idea and asked her if she would go i would take care of everything for her, even go so far as to buy her a bike and put the trip off for a few extra months to pay it off. she said she had no desire to go, we had tried short trips in the past and she just didnt enjoy the camping or bike for extended periods of time. i asked her if she would wait for me and she said she wanted to move on in our relationship and start a family and buy a house (we are supposed to be moving to colorado) and that if i did this that she didnt think she could wait. i guess we just dont have many interests in common. but dont think im bad mouthing her by anymeans, she is a wonderful, caring and loving person, funny and beautiful. so unfortunately she kind of laid it on the line for me :(
cheers josh |
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