|
a life choice: advice wanted
I have come to a point in my life where I am unsure of which path to follow; I am looking for honest answers and advice. In the end the decision is my own and I am not looking for anyone to make it for me, rather I am looking for advice from those of you who have more experience than I in life. I am 27 years old and luckily I realized years ago to learn from others mistakes, life lessons, regrets, and triumphs. Forgive me if this is to long but I feel that I must provide a certain amount of details to help others understand where I am coming from.
All my life I have been looking for adventure since I was a little kid, needless to say I have done a great amount of hiking, backpacking, Mt. biking, USMC, motorcycle racing, and a multitude of other activities I’ve gone cross country for 5 weeks as well. So this draw is nothing new for me. What I am thinking of doing, and have been seriously considering it for months now, is to sell what I have and pack my life onto my KLR and ride for a year or more till I just feel like I’m done and want to go home. I would ride from my home in CT starting approximately May 2010 to wherever the road takes me at minimum I would want to go to Alaska, then down to TDF taking my time along the way no strait lines not the fastest way possibly spending days at a time in the same spot if it was looking like a good spot. If possible I would ship myself and my bike to Europe and travel the same way there. This would be a self funded trip and the chance of a lifetime. So here is the fork in my road. If I take this trip I will lose my girl of 3 years as she does not want to wait any longer, we were going to move to Colorado buy a house and start off there, we have known each other for 13 years so 3 doesn’t really count. I have asked her to come along and she wants nothing to do with the trip. I’m afraid that if I don’t take this trip that I may be resentful to our relationship for the rest of my life with the could have would have should haves. But if I do take this trip I may be missing out on a family and a home for some years. But I could also possibly meet someone with the same interests as me and that would be great. If I don’t do it now I’ll be stuck with a mortgage payment and probably kids for the rest of my life and never have the opportunity to do something like this. My budget for the trip would be approximately $9000 US per year while on the road; I will have prepaid a year’s worth of medical coverage and motorcycle insurance as well as a year subscription to the Find Me Spot with the tracking and the rescue coverage to give my family some peace of mind. Tax on my bike is only $50 a year so not a big expense. I do have someone at home to take care of my mail and bills if need be but I will be debt free in a year, damn student loans. As a backup I will have a credit card of course. I have no problem if low on funds getting a job wherever I find myself for a while and then continuing on, so that is always another option. Financially I know it’s not a lot of money but I don’t need much, I am planning on camping everywhere unless offered a room, and eating well but not too well I’ll make all my own meals. I feel fairly prepared, I’ve done plenty of traveling in the past but the Dual Sport style is a bit new to me but I’ve been racking up the miles and have been riding various other bikes for years. The gear is not a problem like I said I’ve been hiking and doing things for years so I have all the necessary gear (cooking, sleeping, tents, medical, water filtration, clothes….). So what advice do you have to offer? And what questions do have? EDIT: im getting all kinds of support for going from everyone and i greatly appreciate it. i have to say i think that you are right it is something that i should do and if i didnt i would regret it later on down the line for numerous reasons. im definitely going to try to make it work between us and give her lots of options because she is great but as of today i wont be letting her/us stop me from going. i also would like to know what else you guys think about the trip. do you think its possible on $9000 US, thats about $24.65 a day, it would severely limit my range but give me the time to take it all in. im thinking i could use $5 a day for food, cook my own stuff of course and fish in my down time (i would not count on catching fish im a pretty bad fisherman) so what do you think about the logistics of it all? EDIT: I HAVE DECIDED TO GO!! AFTER YEARS OF DREAMING AND MONTHS OF CONSIDERING I FEEL THIS IS WHATS BEST FOR ME THE PLAN IS TO LEAVE MAY 2010!!!! Cheers josh |
Well dusty,
Not sure what to tell you other than that this is probably not the only chance you'll have to take a trip like this, so you might be overdramatizing a bit. Sure, it could be twenty years before you can go, but the world isn't going anywhere...:mchappy: So, if this is the girl of your dreams (OK, other than not wanting to spend years on the back of a bike with you), you should stick with her and not resent her for it--I mean, your trip would be a pretty shitty deal for her, right? I mean a few months OK, but a few years? In any event, if you really want to, you'll be able to do the trip later--maybe much later, but what the hell... On the other hand, if she's just sort of someone you've been hanging around with for three years, might as well cut bait and hit the road. The fact that you're even considering this kind of trip, however, makes me think that you need a change, or at least think you do. I can tell you from my experience that change is not always for the better, however, so choose wisely...:confused1: |
thank you motoreiter for the advice. maybe long on down the line i would be able to do the trip but im afraid that if i put it off that it may be one of those things that will always sit on the back burner. you are right it is a shitty deal for her and i may go so far as to say selfish on my part :( but that is what i am wrestling with. thanks again
cheers josh |
There is a wonderful book called "The Alchemist" - could be worth while your reading it.
Just an idea- |
I'm not going to tell you anything you don't already know....if you teeter on the brink, then go - it's far better to regret something you did than something you wish you had......
If your girl is the right one for you, she'll be there when you get back - however, I think you know the outcome here. There'll be other lovers. I used to think there is only one person for you - the reality at the other side of 40 is that there are at least a few you could have a great life with, so if she won't engage with something you have to do, then move on. Better pain now than with mortgage and kids in tow..... Good luck. I may not be in NL by the time you hit the road, but there's always space on my floor for you, wherever I am. S |
Blimey Josh, choices, choices! So many options available to you but the living it up in Colorado with all the riding that offers and a sweet girl at the homestead at the end of the day to boot... well :clap:! Women often pride themselves on their abilities to change their menfolk to their way of thinking, so how about that working the other way round - equality of the sexes and all that, eh :rofl:. "Chicks dig bikes", right?
|
Not an easy choice...but I think you kinda know the answer and are looking for this thread to affirm????
I also think you have more choices than the two you've offered up so far. You need to be creative and negotiate with her. You can have both. The trip and choices before you...are in a very ironic way a test of how stubborn you are in willing the reality you want. Hope that helps...I was in your shoes before my trip...and it will take a lot of work to make this trip happen, and farkling up your KLR is not what I'm referring to;) |
World Shortest Fairy Tale
Once upon a time, a girl asked a guy, "Will you marry me?" The guy said, "NO!" And the guy lived happily ever after and rode motorcycles and went fishing and hunting and played golf a lot and drank beer and scotch and left the toilet seat up and farted whenever he wanted. THE END A friend sent me that a while after I got back from my last bike trip, it cracked me up. For some semi-serious advice, it can be very hard to choose between the predicable reality of the known and the endless promise of the unknown. One is a fairly predictable path of a life with a person you have grew with for a few years and the other is the unknown outcome of a path with no clear direction. Rarely do people regret the learning and changes that come from such a long journey. Occasionally they do regret the cost of the journey, which is usually a relationship. A good place to start is to question how important is she to you. The people here will be able to provide some insight into how important their trips have been to them. From there you get to make the unenviable task of determining whether the cost is worth the benefit. |
Quote:
|
Quote:
so, i think it depands wheter you find the right one or not! |
I was 34 when faced with some thing similar. My vote, go ride. You are quite right in thinking you may not do it otherwise. Good luck what ever you decide.
|
I would say GO riding, specially now that you now have the opportunity. She will wait for you if she really loves you, if not, the relation was not meant to be anyway.
I wish now that I took the time to do the things I really wanted before the kids, and mortgages, insurances, taxes, houses, moves, etc... Life is too short, and youth is shorter. :scooter: |
thank you all for your responses and by all means keep them coming my ears are wide open. i think that the overwhelming statement being made is that opportunity can sometimes knock only once. i am truely grateful for all of your words and take them all into consideration, i have alot of pondering to do over the next 15 months as well as preparation if i decide to go. i will keep you informed until then feel free to speak your minds
cheers josh |
seems clear to me
Dusty,
The fact that you consider the possibility that you may meet a woman who likes bikes and has similar interests says much about your real feelings. If the woman you are with is the love of your life you wouldn't be thinking about whether it is possible to find something better, but rather about how to keep her AND have your trip. I have seen many people stay together because they didn't think they could find anyone better and have been tempted to do so myself. It would not have worked out for me and I don't think it has for them either. Just a suggestion...my fiance has agreed to my 16 month bike trip on the grounds that he gets to take vacations and fly to visit me in exotic locales. Cheers, Tina |
i wish that she would be understanding of it. but how it boiled down was i told her about my idea and asked her if she would go i would take care of everything for her, even go so far as to buy her a bike and put the trip off for a few extra months to pay it off. she said she had no desire to go, we had tried short trips in the past and she just didnt enjoy the camping or bike for extended periods of time. i asked her if she would wait for me and she said she wanted to move on in our relationship and start a family and buy a house (we are supposed to be moving to colorado) and that if i did this that she didnt think she could wait. i guess we just dont have many interests in common. but dont think im bad mouthing her by anymeans, she is a wonderful, caring and loving person, funny and beautiful. so unfortunately she kind of laid it on the line for me :(
cheers josh |
If you second guess whichever choice you end up making, you'll always regret it in some way.
If she is worth spending the rest of your life with, you should be discussing it with her, and trying to convey your concerns (now you have an easy link to send her after writing it up so well :cool4:). If you choose the relationship path, it will always be a compromise of some sort with another person who has perhaps slightly different desires. If it's a completely disagreeable scenario, like you hate kids and her life's goal is to be a mommy to a litter of them, that's going to be problematic. If you can make it quite known to her that you intend to take month-long trips or some such, but would always be happily hanging your hat at home with her, that might be helpful. Perhaps just letting her know that you intend to make this sort of dream trip a reality at some point down the line. If you're willing to put it off for a while to be with her, perhaps she would be willing to let you go do it once you're all settled in and you're ready to do it. You have to have a pretty good inkling of why you want things in life, too. Only you will really know what will make you "happy", and it will only mean that to you. Everyone is different. If you just want to run away from something, that tends to never work out too well (wherever you go, there you are). But there's certainly nothing at all wrong with the long-term travel scenario done for healthy reasons. And same applies to the other choice, of course. There'd be a manual if we all wanted the same things, but we all get to basically make it up as we go with what we know. Whatever choice you end up making, make it decisively, and do not regret the choice. Regret won't change the choice you made later on down the road (barring discovery of time-travel, of course), and it would serve no purpose other than to harsh whatever situation you found yourself in at that point. You weren't expecting an easy answer, were you? :Beach: |
So she laid it on the line and now it's time for you to make a choice?
I can understand from her perspective that her biological clock is ticking and she doesn't want to risk waiting a year for you to return only to find out you have moved on in what you want from your life, or have found someone else on the road. Interestingly for me, I found the opposite on at least two occasions, when I returned they had moved on. :confused1: If I had to do it all again though I wouldn't change a thing. Last year was my first long (over a month) trip in 25 years travelling by myself. I was away for 5 months and fortunate that my wife (of over 20 years) was quite happy to wait. Well quite happy is maybe too strong a statement, but I laid it on the line to her that I needed to do it and it was only fair given the sacrifices I had made in paying private school fees for 12 years for two children. :innocent: I also offered to have her ride pillion but she was not keen on the idea because she was petrified of us having an accident in the back blocks of Siberia and making orphans out of our adult children. Funnily enough we now have a better relationship as a result of my "getting it out of my system". At heart I am one of the selfish people you speak of. Some people consider me highly inconsiderate of others needs, whilst others tell me I have achieved far, far more than many others (in the non-traditional measures). I also know that in her heart my wife respects me and is proud of my achievements, which is a direct result of my determination and drive to do the things she is fearful of. There is no right nor wrong answer Dusty, only you can decide based on your own circumstances, value system and what you want from your life. Life is always a compromise, there is no perfect route to travel through it. You will make mistakes and have regrets. You will also be able to lie on your death bed and look back on your life, proud of what you have done without regret for that you did have the opportunity/determination/gumption to attempt. Garry from Oz. |
Wow.
A simply question, yet such a complex answer: potentially. :confused1: As you've pointed out: only you can answer it. The best we can do is provide points of view to consider it from, lest you can't see the the wood for the trees. I will try to put simply, what I just typed in 3000 words before starting from scratch!! With your life, you need to do what you want to do. Don't be too distracted by what people expect you to do.... Concentrate on what you want from life. Life is too short, and the things life has to show you can be too amazing to simply dismiss for the sake of convience and not rocking the boat. I will say the following knowing nothing of you or your young lady, so forgive me if it sounds a bit clinical: You're young (only a few years less than me, I might add!!), and that is a great time to travel and see the world and really open your mind to what the world is really about. Would you really be in such a unmanageable situation to start afresh, 2-3 years from now if you still want the family and house, with its own drive? Admittedly, it might be with a different person, but travelling now, does not mean a more settled future is off the cards. On top of that: what a wonderful thing to have so many experiences to call upon at such an age, rather than learning all those lessons, later in life... You might have guessed, I advocate travelling. However, its easy for me to do so: I have no idea of your feelings for your partner, so its simple for me to dismiss them from the equation relatively easily (empathy does not have the clout of the real thing!): not so for you. You need to decide is this just a trip you fancy, or is it something that you feel will define you as a person; help you become the person you want to be. If you really feel its a two choice game, and you don't want both or can't see how the two can co-exist, then which choice will make you feel "yeah, a part of my life really well spent" the most? Either way, if you know in your heart what it is you want to do, then do it: I almost made the mistake of taking the easy route despite knowing it was not right for me: so glad I did not: I'm in a very happy place now, yet not where I expected. Yeah, I know: you're right back where you started!! :oops2:Sorry.... |
Hey Mate,
I usually think these things are too complicated to open my gob, but read them to see what others say. I read though your post thinking "Poor guy, what a decision..." UNTIL this line "But I could also possibly meet someone with the same interests as me and that would be great." You later said that you and your current partner "dont have that much in common. " You are only 27, (I assume she is of similar age) so you have at least 10yrs of good breeding life. So not waiting in order to make having kids possible is not a reason. House /car/rat race... not even on the books. At this point the decision was easy: GO!:scooter: (you dont have to read any further really) You may have an other chance at the trip later down the road. Or you may get hit by a bus tomorrow. This is irrelevant. In 20 yr you will not be the same person so even the same trip will be a different trip (the world will not be the same place either.) So Go twice! :thumbup1: 20 years down the road when you and your partner have got the mortgage paid and the kids out the door. If you have "not that much in common" What will you talk about? What will you do? The relationships that last and are happy for both are the ones where they are best friends as well as lovers. People that have things in common, and like doing things together. I am lucky, my wife and I have so much in common it is kinda annoying to other people. We are very different people and go about things in different ways. But we want and do the same things. If anything we dont have enough different hobbies. :oops2:. Our bike trips are part compromise. She rides and has her own bike but is not a dyed in the wool biker, and when we travel it is two up. She loves traveling but the bike is not here first choice of how to travel, so in the end it is the travel she wants to do and going by bike is a minor compromise. |
I don’t like telling others how they should live their life but your post (sharply!) struck a personal chord with me. The advice I give is both my own and that of someone older and wiser than I.
It’s almost a cliché that you ought not to finish your life regretting the things you didn’t do but in my case, in my ‘40s looking back on my own life it consists only of things I regret not having done and as a consequence find myself having no memories of any interest or consequence nor any youth left now in which I can impart the experiences I should have in my youth. The cliché is true and usually it hits me with the force of a locomotive at four in the morning after another sleepless night. You can never get it (your youth) back. I just read Simon Murray’s book “Legionnaire” which chronicled his youth in the French Foreign Legion in the early ‘60’s. Mr Murray later went on to found the Orange mobile phone company and in his ‘60’s walked unsupported to the South Pole. His wife (whose unrequited love first led him to join the FFL) set two aviation records in her helicopter. It was the last passage in his book which I found the most meaningful and apt to your situation; They were rough those old Legion days and they took some crucial years of my life. But looking back now I do not regret it for a single second. It was a magnificent experience. We had a camaraderie that was unparalleled and the world was a much freer place in which to move than it is today. There was more time to wander off the path then, so that a boy of nineteen could run off and climb a mountain if he wanted to. The corridors of life today seem narrow by comparison and the materialistic ends we seek require a constant progression along the path from the moment we take our first examination. There is no allowance for time out. But there is. And to those that totter on the brink, my advice is go and climb the mountains of life, and do so while you are young and you will be happy at sixty. Personally, I am trapped and can't do much about it at present and see no prospect of ever being happy so learn from my mistakes and don't end up like me. In a word – GO! |
Dusty are you still here? Get gone already. Run, run as fast as you can...
|
Ask yourself a question ...
Why did I post this??? By simply posting this makes me think you already know your answer in your heart of hearts!!! I travel, I want to see things, experience new things & maybe, just maybe I'll meet someone out there who has the same outlook on life & travel as me - one day. A (male) friend once asked me 'would you continue to travel like you do if you met a guy who didn't like travelling' - the answer was 'YES' - sorry, might be selfish but I'm not giving up one thing I really enjoy - his reply to that was 'you whore' - which didn't go down too well at the time!!! You don't have a mortgage, kids ... do you really want to live in Colorado? After seeing the Andes, Alaska, who knows - you might find somewhere else that's more appealing to settle down ... Don't cut yourself off now; do what you want to do and enjoy it. She might wait for you, she might not .. but if things get rocky between you in X years - what will you be saying to yourself??? Want to see your trip reports when you do set off! Kira |
Quote:
I'm in my mid 50s and still feel very much a youth. I'm certainly ready to give up my working career (now that my children have grown up and I no longer have school fees to pay - getting them out of my home is another issue though :biggrin3:). On Monday this week my wife (who is 4 years older than me) and I were at the Melbourne Big Day Out (alternative music concert with over 40,000 attendees) and we were the oldest attendees in a sea of teenagers and twenty somethings. :) You are only as old as you wish to be. During my recent travels through Russia I met many youngsters on the road who invited me back to their homes and introduced me to their parents who were of my age. The youngsters then went on to disparage their parents telling me that their parents had grown old before their time and by comparison I was still like a twenty year old (I just consider myself immature :biggrin:). My wife is a corporate language trainer who teaches Japanese to twenty year olds. They treat her as a peer, and as a teacher her philosophy is to make learning fun (as people learn better that way) so classtime is usually quite anarchic. Even our children often tell us to grow up and are embarrassed to introduce us to their friends because of our childish ways. It's all in our mind and attitude, and based on your writings you strike me as a person who still has plenty of energy and determination to achieve their goals, even if you have to wait a little while longer before you can start on them. I look forward to meeting you in some out of the way backwater far from both our present homes, having fun and sharing tales of our experiences and adventures on the road. :) Garry from oz. |
Hmm. Tricky. I think that one of the things I've learnt is that life is about compromises. If this girl is as good as you say and you genuinely want to spend the rest of your life with her then you may have to accept that you might not get to do the 'big' trip. But you would need to explain to her what a huge thing you are sacrificing and explain that if you are going to make such a sacrifice, she needs to as well. Which means letting you go on the odd one, two, three month trip.
To be honest, there's not a lot you can't achieve in a couple of months and a well planned two month trip can be every bit as memorable and adventurous as a less well planned year long trip. I think we are pretty spoiled in the West and it gives us unrealistic expectations. I remember talking to a guy in India years ago who told me he got one day off a month! At the end of the day you can't have everything, it's jusst not possible. If the lass is your dream girl then sacrifice the big trip for her, its not like you can't do other stuff. If not, then go and don't look back. From a personal point of view, I would expect a lass to wait about six months in extremis, but wouldn't like to ask her to wait more than three on a very occasional basis. Any more than that is taking the p***! Hope you find your solution. Matt :) |
I made this decision three years ago. I'm now married with a mortgage and wouldn't live without Karen for anything. There are of course many days when I'd rather be up a trail in Morocco than trying to convince morons to buy electrical bits or painting the back bedroom or stuffing pills down the cats throat or unblocking the ......
Karen isn't into adventure in any way, her idea of a good holiday is a rented cottage in the lake district. We share a love of food, beer etc. so there are days when I sit at home on the port and cheese after a huge meal, or we both get ****ed in some German beer Keller and I wouldn't want to go near any bike again for love nor money. There are other times I feel like this, but they are none of your ****** business :innocent: The fact is you can't do everything at once. You've got to take your chances and go with what seems right at the time. Now there is no way I could afford a year off work and so on, so my choice was easier when the right girl came along. Doesn't mean once I am in a position to do a trip longer than a couple of weeks I won't, but we'll sort that out when we get there, decide if I'm solo or two up (or divorced I guess). I don't get any pressure for kids etc. which again proves I picked the right one. Karen is happy to do her own thing so long as I don't kill myself, come back when I say I will and do what we agree to do. It's a good life that'll develop as it goes along. If you are in a position to travel now and are only questioning the bit about leaving your girl, I'd say you already know which way to go. I'd say the fact you have such differing ideas about the future probably proves it. Simplistic solution: set off. If you turn round next day or keep going you've got your answer. Same is true if your girl changes her mind. Aim at the day you set off, prepare for any answer that might come and keep your phone switched on until you loose the signal. Andy |
Go, Go, Go
Hi
You should go, as I'm with the woman of my dreams and we have been married for nearly 25 years now. We met when we were 18 and I always made it clear that I was going to and had to travel, before I could ever imagine settling down. We went out and during those few years before I went on an RTW at 24, I had been on two trips round Europe,each one several months and Diane waited. All worked out, as we have the three kids, dog and driveway and would have been deeply unhappy and resentful if I hadn't done my travelling back then and perhaps never getting the chance later on. I also left a good job back then, in the early days of DHL, famously turning down a sought after promotion from a bemused manager and resigning at the same time saying: "I'm sorry Roger, I'm leaving, as the prospects are to good!" As a believer in fate, if you and your lady are meant to be together, you will be, whether now or in a year or two. I still can't believe I had the guts to tell Diane over dinner that I was off to the USA in the morning, after courting (sign of age!) for over three years! The reason for the late notice was that I knew it would be tears and in what I suppose was my selfish period, the less tears I had to handle the better. I flew free with DHL and then hitched from NY to LA over 4 months and then settled down in Santa Monica, where I drove a cab. Great fun and other girlfriends, but they were all airheads, so after a year or so I called Diane and she flew out to join me, as she was always in my thoughts. In the meantime, she had gone to Jersey to work in a hotel for the previous summer and that helped her understand the need to travel and why it's good for soulful experiences and to make memories. We then drove a convertible VW back to NY for a driveaway company and flew back to jobs back at DHL in London. Since then we have travelled to many parts of the world, Brasil, Aus, China, etc and our children are also fairly well travelled and like us love meeting people from other countries, so they can hear more. My son Rory, one of twin boys is nearly 18 and I'm pretty sure we'll be doing a bike tour into Spain within the next couple of years, which will be a fantastic experience for both of us. So much to say on this subject and you have bought back a few memories from those times, such as sleeping under the stars on the bank of the Colorado River at the bottom of the Grand Canyon, doing the Mardi Gras, yachting under Sydney Harbour Bridge, with a Tooheys beer in hand, being slightly stoned and watching the sun set and the lights go on over Rio from the top of Sugarloaf mountain, over 4 fantastic hours, seeing 100's of live crabs each trussed up with bamboo leaves and then thinking they are being released, only to find that once they stretched their legs and claws out they were only trussed up again, as they were only being retightened. Made Di cry, but that was in the live food part of Stanley Market in Hong Kong, not a place for soft shandy drinking southeners like us and glad I was able to guide her out without her seeing the dog stall! You need to get those kind of memories and experiences under your own belt, otherwise what stories are you going to tell your spellbound guests at dinner parties or seeing your mates green with envy down the pub as you tell them about the sights you saw in the knocking shops of Bangkok, which is well named, but I digress! It looks like the advice given is to Go, as it will all work out in the end and will definitely for the better. Look after number one and the rest will fall into place. Enough ramblings. Good luck with what ever you do and a message for Fastship, "It's never to late!" Cheers Chris |
Don't you or your girlfriend take it one way or another type of a situation. Hit the road first and start the life you've planned later, if the girl is still there... or... First start the life with your girlfriend; and then hit the road when the obvious time comes, if the will is still there.
can |
I was in a similarish situation:I had planned to travel for years, I had been looking for exciting and new challenges, I also did some military time, and I also met a girl.
The girl of my particular dreams walked back into my life after an 8 year hiatus, only 8 months before I was due to go on the trip. I was lucky, I had wanted her since we were kids, back when she was my best friends girl, and 14 years old. I went ahead with the trip, despite there being no possibility that she could come with me. I have seen some incredible things and met some incredible people in the 4 weeks I have been gone, but I have also realised something important. I rode through the Sierra Nevada, the Pyrenees, the Rif and the Atlas, and were stunningly grand and life affirmingly belittling. But if you squint they could be the Peak District, or the Cairngorms, where I have spent wonderful holidays with Han. I swam in the Med and the Atlantic, and tasted their warmth and foreign salt. I have watched incredible sunsets that set the whole sky on fire and turned the world red, and seen cities wake up under tentative morning suns, but I have woke up under them alone. The world is an incomprehendibly beautiful place to live. BUT, it is the people who make our world, which is no more than a lonely rock to live and breathe on. You can see the sun set over every city in the world, climb every mountain and swim every sea, but if the person you want to be with isnt there, you may as well stare at a candle, stand on a molehill and splash yourself with tap water for all it will make you feel. I have found this out by leaving, and nobody could have given me any advice to stop me leaving, and I dont regret it, I am having a great adventure, and I have learned this about myself. I think you might have to do the same thing; otherwise you will always regret it and hold it against her. If it is real she will let you go, and will take you back again. While being on the road is awesome, and is something I love, as you obviously do, I have realised that what I had at home was special, and so am not going to spend as long away as I planned. Instead I am going to come back earlier, save some money away and restart my trip with a little extra baggage. Well, maybe baggage is the wrong word, too many connotations, lets say I will be bringing about 5 foot of extra luggage with me next time. You might think that your heart is set on doing the trip, then when you get out on the road find you left that heart at home. Birdy |
Quote:
My son Rory, one of twin boys is nearly 18 and I'm pretty sure we'll be doing a bike tour into Spain within the next couple of years, which will be a fantastic experience for both of us. that is another dream of mine to take a son/daughter on trips one day that would be fantastic i hope you enjoy your trip The fact is you can't do everything at once. You've got to take your chances and go with what seems right at the time. Now there is no way I could afford a year off work and so on, so my choice was easier when the right girl came along. i guess maybe im trying to cram to much into my life, other people have said that as well in my past that im trying to get to much accomplished. and taking this year off is going to leave me flat broke, i only hope my job will be willing to take me back quickly, luckily i do have a mom, and sister who would be glad to take me in for a bit till i got back on my feet, but is that to much to ask of them? Hmm. Tricky. I think that one of the things I've learnt is that life is about compromises. If this girl is as good as you say and you genuinely want to spend the rest of your life with her then you may have to accept that you might not get to do the 'big' trip. But you would need to explain to her what a huge thing you are sacrificing and explain that if you are going to make such a sacrifice, she needs to as well. Which means letting you go on the odd one, two, three month trip. she knew this about me from the start that i was a wanderer, and ive tried to explain to her that i really feel like i have compromised alot, i dont take anymore weekend trips, when we move the house would be her pick in an area she liked (my choice would be back country Colorado or Alaska). so maybe i have compromised enough already and this trip is just something i have to do, i feel like if i dont i will regret it but at the same time if i do i may regret not having this relationship Ask yourself a question ... Why did I post this??? By simply posting this makes me think you already know your answer in your heart of hearts!!! possibly but i need some more digging till i find it They were rough those old Legion days and they took some crucial years of my life. But looking back now I do not regret it for a single second. It was a magnificent experience. We had a camaraderie that was unparalleled and the world was a much freer place in which to move than it is today. There was more time to wander off the path then, so that a boy of nineteen could run off and climb a mountain if he wanted to. The corridors of life today seem narrow by comparison that is one stong quote fastship, i know i am young and life should be wide open and i can see how it has closed in over the last decade I am lucky, my wife and I have so much in common it is kinda annoying to other people sounds like you enjoy being annoying and i have to say i dont blame you :clap: i dont think that a bad thing at all i would think its more that they are perhaps jealous Yeah, I know: you're right back where you started!! :oops2:Sorry.... yes but with some more good words of advice, thanks Funnily enough we now have a better relationship as a result of my "getting it out of my system". that is the best case senario, hopefully i can be that lucky and maybe she will become more understanding as time gets closer thank you all again for your replies, im sorry if i didnt directly reply to all of them they are all insightful and motivating in one way or another. i greatly appreciate it. i have lots of time to decide and had no idea i would get such a large responce it nice to see that there are so many people with the same dreams as I. cheers josh |
Quote:
cheers josh |
Hi Josh,
As everyone else has said, you're the only one who can decide. But as far as the relationship is concerned, I will chip in my 2p. You say she doesn't want to go with you, and that you don't have that much in common. Not that big a deal - you obviously have something that brought you together and makes this such a big decision, and I think relationships are built as much on how people differ as on how similar they are (though I must admit my eyes glaze over slightly when my other half talks at length about military history!!). And there is a lot of talk about whether she'll wait for you or not. But the other question, to my mind, is what is she going to do while she waits? What does she do when you're off seeking adventure, whether that's a years-long trip round the world or a weekend hiking? My ex-husband was (and still is) kind, caring, loving, considerate and generally a lovely guy. He would never have stopped me doing anything I wanted to do (within reason!), and we were married and had bought a house. We're still friends. But the marriage fell apart as I realised that every time I came back from somewhere, be that biking, kayaking, travelling, even trips away with work (which given that I work in an industry where people act surprised if you don't have a hangover on day 2 of an away gig is possibly more fun than for most), I'd have tales to tell and new, interesting people I'd met. He would always be there - but he wouldn't have anything to tell me in exchange (made worse by the fact that he rarely socialised and worked from home). Eventually i realised that everything that mattered to me, all the experiences that made me who I was, would take place without him. The differences between you and your partner have to lead to an exchange of experiences and outlooks on life. If the thought of being settled bores you, but she likes the idea, and travel bores her, but thrills you, will you have anything to say that interests the other? I've possibly taken it to the other extreme now, as tomorrow I take my boyfriend to the airport so he can fly to Kenya and learn to clear landmines, but we've been together now nearly as long as my ex and I were, and life is full of exciting plans and projects for both of us. Hope that helps, as getting married and buying a house is a very excessive way of finding this out. Although we did make £6000 on the house in 6 months! Laura |
Quote:
cheers josh |
Yes, Birdy make a very salient point and travelling solo does have highs, but also very lonely lows.
I think it's amplified for Birdy at the moment, as he's sitting in an sandstorm in Morroco, Optrex in hand. Sorry to hear about your soggy trip through France and Spain, but best to get the lows over at the start of a trip, eh Birdy? Great advice from someone who knows and who is on the road as we type. Cheers Chris |
this is the same as i posted and adv and it applies here as well so have at it
im getting all kinds of support for going from everyone and i greatly appreciate it. i have to say i think that you are right it is something that i should do and if i didnt i would regret it later on down the line for numerous reasons. im definitely going to try to make it work between us and give her lots of options because she is great but as of today i wont be letting her/us stop me from going. i also would like to know what else you guys think about the trip. do you think its possible on $9000 US, thats about $24.65 a day, it would severely limit my range but give me the time to take it all in. im thinking i could use $5 a day for food, cook my own stuff of course and fish in my down time (i would not count on catching fish im a pretty bad fisherman) so what do you think about the logistics of it all? cheers http://s3.amazonaws.com/advrider/beer.gif josh ill be adding this to the first post |
Uni
Look to it as a Uni degree. A degree in life, after all experience is the best teacher.
WHY ARE YOU STILL HERE? |
about $24.65 a day
I reckon that's not much money; food, fuel, duties, spares, servicing etc etc; I'd double that - perhaps plan a shorter trip? S |
Rtw
I've got a childhood sweetheart who I got back together with 4 years ago. Last year I went from UK 2 Capetown and only gave her 6months notice. She was not impressed but was here when I got back.
I loved that trip so this time I'm off on a RTW and I've given her 13month's notice. She seems happier but has told me to bring a big diamond back with me. Not unreasonable I think :innocent: |
Hi Dusty
I'd be looking to work my way round, probably in the catering/bar industry, which will give you work at the lower end of the pay scale, but at least you usually get a roof over your head and free grub. Or seasonal farm work, picking fruit, labouring. Just what comes along. You'll also get to know the area and live as one of the locals and make plenty of friends while your doing it. It's just great and in my time I've dishwashed in Munich, twice, worked for 2 weeks on a building site in Innsbruk, Austria, been a doorman and bar tender in British pubs in USA, worked on the bumper cars on Santa Monica Pier and drove a cab in LA for over a year. All good University of Life stuff and as it's part of your journey, you never feel embarrassed when people look down on you, as you can give them a wry smile, as you know better. Have fun. Chris |
Quote:
I had a similar experience. Not unreasonable at all- if you plan on marrying her anyway. Me, I dropped off the diamond before I left- 20 months RTW. It's not like we never saw each other. I crossed all the tough stuff myself and she flew into each paradise spot for conjugal visits:thumbup1: Got home, got married and lived happily ever after. Sweet! |
i really dont mind any job that i may get while on the trip, every job offers new opportunities, new people.
20 months RTW, amazing what was your favorite part cheers josh |
Funding
9000 Dollars for me would seem perfectly possible if you concentrate on the less expensive regions. We did Ecuador to TDF and back to BsAs in 2005/2006 and spent 10000 Dollars in total in 9 months for two persons, 2 bikes.
Obviously we limited ourselves to the cheaper way in chile, but in Ecuador, Peru, Bolivia and Argentina we had a really good time living with that budget. Did much rough camping though, but not for the money but for the experience of it.... Have a go! Martin |
Quote:
cheers josh |
I had a sort of similar situation to you last year. Not a RTW trip but a complete life change. I'll explain...
I'm 32 and prior to September '08, I was in a secure and very well paid job with potential for promotion. However, I was never happy in it and hitting 30 made me realise that life is too short, youth is wasted on the young and several other similar cliches. Around about this time last year, I was talking to a colleague in his early 60's and it hit me like a train that I also would stuck there till the day I retired. For me, that's very likely to be the year 2046 or 70 years old as people are living longer and the UK's state pension pot is rapidly running out. I'd worked on various projects with friends still in the industry who encouraged me to return to engineering. So in September, I quit my job to go back to college, update my automotive and mechanical engineering skills and the plan is to start my own business within the next 2-3 years. Exactly what that business idea is, I'm keeping to myself to the minute but it is motorcycle-related and will be of interest to many HU members. I'm currently doing a mix of bar work and driving to pay the bills at present but I don't regret it for a minute. Yeah, money is tight as present but I can honestly say that it was one of the best decisions I've ever made and based on what you've said already, I think you should run with what you really feel you want to do. |
Hi Josh,
Here is my input. About 20 years ago (5 years after a 6 month trip my wife and I took to Alaska) I wanted to do another; not to Alaska as we still lived there, but a trip for 8 -12 months. My wife and I decided it was not the best time, kids and all, so I reluctantly put my trip on hold. I still traveled the world, mostly for work, and as a family we took several trips to places like Central America, Europe, UK, etc. During this time I always thought about the trip that was on hold. Several times we discussed the best time to embark on such a trip, but it was never the right time. Now, at 53 I’m taking off on a trip to South America at the end of the year. My wife thinks it’s not the best time but I’ve waited long enough. I’m hoping she will come with me or at a minimum meet me at various places and spend several weeks traveling; we are still working out those details. I really hope she will join me as I will enjoy the trip more when sharing it with someone I love. My point here is that for some, there may never be a right time to quit a job and an acceptable life style just to head out to some distant location. For others, it opens a door to new opportunities. When my wife and I went to Alaska, we had really planned on going to Boston via Alaska; we just never made it past Alaska. Looking back, I wish I had taking that trip we kept postponing as it seems there’s always something that can stop you from leaving on such a long term trip; there’s just never a right time. I remember reading an article years ago about why teenagers seem so adaptable to going after their dreams versus adults. The article described how younger people just go for it, working out the problems along the way. Adult, on the other hand, try to work out all the problems before starting, thus never starting. Is this the right time for you? Who knows, but if I were you I’d go. You’re prepared, have the funding, bike, etc. its time. Hope to see you down the road -Jeff ________________________________ Moto-Treks |
thank you again guys for all your insight. i have some news and will be editing my original post. I HAVE DECIDED TO GO!! AFTER YEARS OF DREAMING AND MONTHS OF CONSIDERING I FEEL THIS IS WHATS BEST FOR ME THE PLAN IS TO LEAVE MAY 2010!!!!
this is the right time for me as much as it ever could be time will never be perfect just as much as anything else can never be perfect. i welcome you suggestions and help as you are willing to give. thank you all again cheers josh |
Well dusty, good on ya for making a decision...have a great trip and good luck with the gf.
|
Quote:
cheers josh |
Quote:
|
Hoo-bloody-ray!
Hi Josh
Well done mate and if you are passing through Oxfordshire on your trip, we'll be glad to put you up and get a couple of pints of warm beer in to you. Cheers Chris |
Good for you mate. No real suggestions except to follow your instincts and don't set any timetable that'll stop you doing something that's not on the itinerary if it suits you.
Have a great trip and keep us posted. Andy PS: Thought of some advice I read somewhere; You need to buy a BM GS, only use Synthetic oil and eating yellow snow is bad :offtopic: PPS; I'll get my coat now :thumbdown: |
Good lad! I agree with jeff916 in that there's never a right or best time to have a major change or upheaval in your life. What I'm doing now is something I should have done about 5 years ago but I also took the view that it just wasn't the "right" time. It never is.
Good luck and give me a shout if you're passing through northeast England. |
thanks guys. if i am lucky enough to make it to europe ill be sure to stop by!!!
cheers josh |
Quote:
|
Quote:
cheers josh |
The earlier you go the earlier you back
Hi Dusty,
I just can tell you my story. For about 20 years I was thinking pretty much about the same stuff as you do. So you can see what my decision was when I was in the same age as you are ;-) I didn't go because I thought I do have plenty of time and I will lose my girl or my job or ... there are always resons. And then the girl went away, I changed jobs but I'm still had been dreaming of doing this trip. So I made the decision to do it. I'm starting in march 2009 - at my 40th birthday! And belive me at this age it is much harder to do it. - giving away a well payed job without beeing sure to get a new one when back - not so many unmarried girls in that age, so how to find one if myone st me off - .... The important point is, that I know that I this dream will be in me until the rest of my life and if I do not follow it, it will be allways between me and my girl or my job - sometimes it is more intensiv sometimes less - but I is there everyday! In two words: go know Macs |
Quote:
cheers josh |
Good for you!
Hi Dusty and Macs :mchappy:
Nice to see that you blokes are both doing what your heart is telling you to. I did much of my travelling from 18 to about 30 then settled down (but still holiday a lot) and I can understand why it is much harder to do it the other way round, at 40, but you have made the decision and I look forward to reading your RR on the way round. Alos both of you should read "Uneasy Rider" by Mike Carter. A very funny account of a totally unplanned 20,000 mile trip in six months, by yet another mid life crisis merchant in his early forties. I'm getting itchy feet again and feel it won't be to long before I leave a note for the missus saying, I've just popped out. To Morocco! Good luck chaps. Chris |
Quote:
|
Good on ya - go for it!
My only observation is May 2010? Are you sure? Seems like a long way off... Reading the thread, it seemed that the problem was immediate go or stay. To me setting a date like this seems like far enough away to be comfortable but close enough to be convincing, that you have a plan. It reminds me that I once in my early 20's got engaged to somebody and put a wedding date somewhere into the far distance that made my girlfriend happy, but hoped that I could hatch a plan to get out of it or that something in me would change and in that time I would mature enough to go through with it. I was not being honest with her or myself, I was not strong enough to do what I felt was right for me... A lot can happen in 16 months, and I really don't know you of course, so I can only relate to you through my own experiences which are not necessarily your experiences. Forgive me for that. My point is be sure that you are being honest with yourself, if you have made a decision to go, have you told your girlfriend your plans or will you just hope to pack up your bike one day tell her you're off and the next day leave or even worse just leave a note on the kitchen table? but in the meantime stay with the relationship in some hope that everything will get sorted out and she will either intuit what's going on in your mind and say, "well it looks like you're off so I think we should part," or you're hoping she will come around to your way of thinking before you go and you'll get everything you want... If this is true, make sure you put some decent music on your ipod because the the first 5,000 miles will be heart rending.. Be sure to tell your girlfriend your plans and live with the fall out... She might not love you for it but she will respect your honesty... one day ;-) :mchappy: |
you should read "Uneasy Rider" by Mike Carter. A very funny account of a totally unplanned 20,000 mile trip in six months, by yet another mid life crisis merchant in his early forties.
I am 41 and still unable to commit, LOL, starting the next leg of my life from Cambodia to Europe by bike in May...:scooter: Another great book is the "seasons of a man's life" which was study of a group of men conducted by a guy called Dan Levinson, over a period of 40 years, it explains why guys get up and go... He also did a similar study with women, they have mid life crises too, mostly housewives, when their kids leave home, they feel useless and no longer needed. The leave home and husband, and generally speaking start a new life of their own. The books are a bit dated now and need revision to take account of the changes in society, more women with careers, I do hope somebody does this research because I think we are gonna see more women with big bikes and young boyfriends :cool4: all the best |
| All times are GMT +1. The time now is 10:10. |