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In a couple but alone
I just read a recent thread in here which talked about the problems of females making friends when travelling solo, and wondered about my own predicament which was the total opposite - problems getting noticed and making friends when riding with my boyfriend.
When we ride all the conversation, excitement, passion, questions, admiration and curiosity is aimed at him and I barely get a look in. In a recent trip of 14 months I had to deal with this time and time and time again, and it really dragged me down. I very nearly ended my trip. I effectively was being treated like the “little woman” and this was in 1st and 2nd world countries. Has anyone else suffered with this? Any tips? The worse thing for me was that Gabriel and I set out not even as girlfriend and boyfriend at the beginning, each having planned and contributed to our trips equally, I was in India and he crossing Russia, independently. Then we came together, and for 10 months I was treated like the “other half” that “tagged along”. I remember almost shouting once about a bike part just so I could be proven worthy of listening to. And yet when Gabriel and I would have our own independent explorations for the day I would get all kinds of attention. I suppose I am not being especially helpful, but just trying to show that it happens in so many different ways. I would ask that if anyone is kind enough to help out a couple of bikers try and remember that the lady might not be the girlfriend, and that she has a passion, history and stories all of her very own. I would be really interested to hear if any other ladies have had similiar experiences. Cheers Char |
interesting thoughts... and matters...
well as far as I can look back in to my travelling, your experiences is not locked down to travelling as a woman with a man or the other way around... the same can happens travelling in combinations man+man and woman+woman too... now I think it's all getting down to the fact that one or the other is more spontaneous and faster to act with the locals or administration or other travellers than the other half of the "team"... will say there is always one part who has the guts to be the front man/woman... the other half stays behind a bit for comfort or being a bit shy or what ever reason.. this has nothing to do with being not equal in respect to each other or any other way... just put it down to the fact, that while you are travelling on your own, you are sort of forced to act with the world, but as soon you are travelling in company, you may rather tend to enjoy that there is some one else who deals with the matters, even if you feel bad about it.... as a sample... my mate and I where travelling on a few trips, he was dealing with the world on our trip in the UK all the time and I staid behind, but as soon we came across the channel, I had to do all the hard work organising things... just because I was able to read, talk and navigate around Europe a bit easier as my mate was able to and he suddenly went behind the curtain, so it's a sort of sharing the daily matters that happens on a trip... don't feel bad about it... even if it started to itch a bit... may next time it's the other way round... if you want to... right than.. the game about who gets more attention.... don't want to get in to this.... just be your self and don't compare.... do what "you" want, and let the other one do what he/here want to do, but don't hurt the other half with your doing, that's all it is I guess... and it's nice if thing are matching up... |
To be honest I wouldn't want your boyfriend to think I was hitting on his girlfriend.... also I'm sure if I was traveling with a female and we ran into a female rider then I'd be ignored somewhat as well :cool4:
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I'm not sure I lack in the assertive dept
Pockethead I totally hear what you are saying - if we had met girl rider after girl rider then maybe Gabe would be the one asking all these questions. Gosh, that would have been great. Get more girls on the road!
As for stronger and quieter partners, we are probably as equally matched in our ability and desire to "sort" things out on the road, so its nothing to do with that. I suppose however, if we were finding someone to stay with it was always Gabe that did the emailing and made first contact. Thanks for all you thoughts on this guys. I suppose in some respects it does revolve around the subject of the conversation, and yes, when it came to bike mechanics and modifications I wasnt exactly screaming the house down in excited conversation, but in a mans world, my absence on conversations like that closed the doors to any kind of conversations. Which is a real shame. I dont think its about having to be more man like, at least I hope its not because I wouldnt want to be anything I'm not, and certainly I am not someone who struggles with being assertive. I must admit I was really quite shocked by how man orientated the biking community appeared in North America, especially compared to England, where I have always been treated as a biking equal. Spooky, its really interesting what you said about "who gets more attention", and really, thinking about it, I was just totally jealous of all the attention Gabe got, which in itself is a very dangerous thing. I think this might well be one of the hidden dangers with travelling with anybody - everyone worries about whether they can get on with someone they are travelling with, whether they will like the same things, but I had never given any thought to the inequalities of how a duo might be treated by other people, and the effect that can have on a trip. hmmmmm Cheers guys! Any women on the subject? Char |
Hi Charlotte, I think it all depends on what country you are in, we are a couple travelling on two bikes in SE Asia, and if anything we have had too much attention from the locals, it was good having Lucas there as did reduce some of the attion that I got from men/boys.
Yes at times you do get the cultural thing and I will go and have a look at a hotel room and told to go and check with my husband if it is ok, or if I ask directions they will reply to Lucas. But apart from this the attention that I have received had been more than enough, PM me if you want to talk more. Ann |
Hi Charlotte!
First of all, sorry for the delay answering your email. Just did it this morning! It's been a very busy week for me last week! Anyhow, on the subject you raised, I don't have experience of biking in North America, only South America and Europe. And Vietnam most recently. I always travel with my husband, usually he leads in the road and I follow (Especially on dirt roads where I can observe how he gets on with difficult bits like deep mud, sand, rivers :) ) As I am the one speaking French and Spanish I usually end up getting most of the attention. Usually when we got stopped at check points by police / military, at border crossing... I would be the one dealing with them. Also, in my experience, officials on the road are usually male, when they stop you and try to fine you, they don't expect to deal with a woman and they seem (so far!) to give up more easily after a while! When meeting the locals, I ended up doing most of the conversation! As he likes to tell anyone "Maria likes to talk! " Which is a bit exaggerated, considering he only speaks English! I also was the one using the HUBB during the trip to meet locals or fellow travellers. Funny enough, in our travels, I never felt I was a "second class biker", which is something I've felt many times when walking into bike shops in the UK! When meeting fellow travellers it depended. I must admit I could talk for hours about my bike's modifications, weak points, tyres etc.... I think in our trips the way it works in our couple is: I am the main communicator - with officials etc... as I often speak the lingo (currently learning Russian!) , I organise the trip, sort out maps, routings etc... while he deals with all the mechanics bits and maintenance of the bikes and go get a 4x4 when I break down (which happened a lot with my previous bike!). He "opens" the road when the tarmac runs out and help me when I feel I can't get the bike through a very diffficult bit... and he picks up my bikes :) - It works fine like that for us. We play on our strengths! Also usually when arriving in a town/village at end of a day ride, I would stay with the bikes while he would go off around town to try find a place to stay with safe parking for the bikes. That could take a little while sometimes, which by the time he comes back I would usually be talking to few people. Cheers, |
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Sadly, this is the way of the world, even in this supposedly liberated country. Quote:
Looking forward to the HUMP, and sorry you didn't make on Sunday. Regards, Mick |
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Sorry about last Sunday. Twas a bit gutted to have missed it myself. Looking forward to making it to the next. Char |
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