Traveling with a new flame = recipe for disaster?
 

Anyone cares to share experiences where they traveled with a new flame?

I met woman who is very well traveled but as a back packer. She does not ride but comes from a family of riders.

I am an experienced motorcyclist with a few cross continent trips under my belt.

We get a long very well, known each other for 2 months si it's all very new and fresh.

I am soon leaving for a 10 month motorcycle trip in a few weeks. I am faced with 3 options.

1. Break up with her
2. Travel alone while in a relationship (this I dread the most)
3. Take her along

We havent talked about traveling together but she knows I am leaving and I have a feeling she wants to come along.

I am thinking that traveling with her could easely go sour as well be spending 100% of our time together. We now see each other 3 times a week and it's pretty amazing. But what if after a few weeks we want to kill each other? It could also be an amazing experience, discovering new lands and cultures with someone you care about.

Anyone care to share their past experiences?

Definitely 3 - take her along. No better way of getting to know someone. If it doesn't work out..........you tried. If it fails on a trip it would probably happen anyway later down the line, months or years later, that would be far worse.

If it works out, happy days bier

My advice is this aint the place you should be asking the question. Ask her and be honest with what you feel, if you can't get through that together, life will chew you up and spit you out anyway. Issues of mind most often are not seen in reality, talk with her, go on your trip and most importantly come back and tell everyone how well it went. :thumbup1:

Try and get her to come along, you will never know unless you do and I expect it will either go very well or badly, if the latter you were not meant for each other. I have travelled with a girlfriend in the past and it was a good experience for both of us, I have also left to travel a couple of times with a girlfriend waiting for me but have never returned to one.

I did travel before with a new flame and she was a backpacker. It worked really well with her travelling by bus and me alone on my bike when moving to the next city. You get your free time. She get her free time and you meet later in the evening. Spend a few days visiting a city together and move again. Here and there there will be nights were you will not meet but that's not a big of a deal.

If she comes along it'll have to become our trip - a 50:50 joint venture - rather than her just tagging along on something you've planned for yourself. That may change things somewhat for you. Otherwise it may work for a week or two until you have a difference of opinion.

That's going to mean her going through the itinerary, looking at it from her perspective and (most likely) making changes, some of which you may not like.

Trips together are always a game of give and take and you may feel you're giving more than your fair share but that's because you're the one that's put the work in so far. She'll be the one turning her life upside down at short notice and she'll have to feel it was worth it.

There are some practical considerations as well. Has she done any pillion riding? I have a friend who, some years ago, set off on a one month trip with his girlfriend who'd never gone further than the local pub on sunny summer evenings on a bike and they made it from London to Frankfurt before she decided she hated it and flew home. Best to find out this kind of thing beforehand because mid trip bust-ups never end well.

It's a priority game, if it's important to you that this trip is yours and follows your plan then taking her is going to be problematic - flexibility will be needed on your part.

If you're ok with that then what do you have to lose? Option one gives you no chance of anything lasting with this girl, option 2 only you can assess how that will pan out, option three probably has the highest chance of success for the relationship and could create a new motorcycle traveller. That's a great thing to share.

If it all goes wrong on option three you've lost nothing. You've slightly modified the early parts of your trip, no great loss there. You've lost the girl but if you plan to keep travelling you were probably going to lose her eventually anyway if you're not compatible travellers!

As a side note.
We have met many couples along the way on our (So far 3 years) trip.
Its been quite an education!!
A lot..and i do mean a lot of couples who have been together for many years and then decide to travel together have huge problems with each other..
When you think about it how often do you see your partner compared to your work mates???
We had a big chat about this before we left and thank god we work well as a team as well as a couple.

Try option 3 but have the below video option ready.

3 choices?
 

Dear lostintime,

Perhaps I might be of some help. The question is what to do with or without your "New Flame". Your stated 3 options are:

"I am soon leaving for a 10 month motorcycle trip in a few weeks. I am faced with 3 options.
1. Break up with her
2. Travel alone while in a relationship (this I dread the most)
3. Take her along"

It seems to me that the reasons relationship go south - no pun intended are FIVE!

1) Communication: The speed of particle flow or rhythm of communication of each is probably the most common reason for a break up. Each of us has a natural rate at which we inflow and outflow information. This does not mean that someone who process data more slowly is less intelligent or less able, it just means that if the rhythm of inflow and out flow is not similar, it is a continued source of frustration that generally leads to a separation.

2). Emotions: most of us exhibit a wide rage of emotions, that can be identified and run between apathy to serenity - somewhere in the middle is boredom and below that are the negative emotions like anger, antagonism, hostility, pain grief etc. and above boredom are the positive emotions - interest, enthusiasm, games etc. each of us has a chronic emotion determined as that emotion we hang out in most often. It is very easy through simple observation to determine the emotion that is the chronic emotion of a person. For a relationship to survive long term, the chronic emotion of each must be similar. Two angry people might fight like hell but enjoy a real loving long term life long relationship because they see the world through a curtain of anger and because of this really understand and love each other. So determine the chronic emotion of your potential mate and see if it matches the emotion you hang out in most of the time. this is true for two people having whichever emotion in common as their chronic emotion.

3). Body Mind and Spirit: there must be, at least for the young and not so old, a sexual attraction, I always know if I am sexually attracted to a woman or not. woman know if they are sexually attracted to a man or not. So select a mate to who you are sexually attracted. The mind consists of experiences - educational levels are part of the experience of the mind, natural "raw" intelligence, travel and work experiences, talents such as art, music or the ability to learn a new language make up the mind of a person. Find out about the mind of your potential mate and then see if it is a match for your mind. The old saying "opposites attract" is hogwash! Opposites attract DIVORCE!
Basically there are two kinds of spiritual beings, one, has the attitude, "I am going to survive and you are going to survive even if I have to help you" two has the attitude that "anyone doing better than me is an enemy that must be destroyed overtly or covertly." These might be characterized as BIG Spirits and LITTLE Spirits. Big Spirits get along very well wth other Big Spirits and Little Spirits get along quite well with Little Spirits. But a Big Spirit as defined here with a Little Spirit will end very badly!

4). Agreements: All relationships are composed of spoken and unspoken agreements. Find out if your potential mate can make and keep agreements. A good way to determine if your potential mate is breaking agreements is that he/she will continually be nagging you about insignificant actions - this, just to justify that he/she has broken an agreement and needs to justify doing so.

5) Most of us , I would say 80 - 90 % of the human population are good people more willing to help than to hurt. Find someone who has comparable magnitude to you. This, only you can determine. Each of us is endowed - by past lives or by God or by genetics with a magnitude of existence - you will know when you have found a mate who is of comparable magnitude - I can't help with this.... For me, I know when she enters a room without even seeing her. This is the best way I can explain it - a similar vibration. Forgive me I am just a lost boy of the sixties....

But I hope I have helped - you in selecting one of your stated 3 options listed above.

May we no longer be strangers. xfiltrate

Thank you guys for chiming in.

g6snl: I would like to reiterate that I am to make my own decision on this and am not going to do what the interwebs tell me to do.

I however highly value the advice and comments based on past experiences. :thumbup1:


Backofbeyond: It is true that if we travel together, it will become our trip and not just her tagging along on my trip. So I would need to discuss her take on the trips, what she wants out of this experience and the financial side of traveling together. I also dont know how she will like riding pilion. I live in witerland dont think we will get a lot of opportunities to ride before I leave.

Patontrip: This is not a bad idea. I would not move seperately at all times but maybe a break can be planned somewhere along the line. I know she has friends who travel so I might drop her off at a rendevous point, le her do her own thing with her friends for a few weeks while I am having solo motorcycling fun.

Overland Tonka: are you saying that you think it is better to try traveling together early in a relationship rather than later down the road. If you can travel well with a significant other, chance of successfull relionship in civilian life is much higher?

If she's up for it, then take her along..

Assuming you want that too.


Travelling with someone will accelerate the direction you're heading anyway.


If it all goes wrong, you can always drop her off at the airport. And save some cash to pay for the flight....

If in your mind you already have option 1 .... I wouldn't be to optimistic. Good suggestions here, TT especially. In the end it is not about mathematic and logic, it is about feelings and emotions. What is your heart speaking to you?
Find some free weekend, sooner better, put her on a bike or in a tent :innocent:. You will have an answer. After that you can speak about traveling.
:thumbup1:

Firstly, ask her what she wants. Don't EVER try to 2nd guess a woman doh:rofl:
Discuss your previous travels with her & the storage limitations on the bike.
Either way, have a great trip :thumbup1::scooter:

Or just ride off & leave her at a gas station. :thumbup1:

Mezo.

She wouldn't be the first !! And she won't be the last !!

:p

_____________________________________________
Find me on Facebook: MotoTed & MotoRevive.

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From 'The Best Bar in America'.

I've been fortunate enough to meet 2 of the most amazing women in my life, first trip for both was travelling by bike. You're in a similar position, don't blow it brother! Take her with you, they're a rare breed, hang onto her with both hands :thumbup1:

I'd start first by discussing the idea of bike travel together, then if agreeable start with short jaunts (weekenders) and build up to longer trips...

if she doesn't want to bike, work out something, a 'break time' maybe, because being in a a relations face all the time (proverbially) can burn out a relationship to the point of being sick of each other...it's happened to me.

if there are too many differences...RUN!, RUN FAR, RUN FAST! before you get collared and have to give up your soul..'but honey, if your loved me you'd ___ for me...

that's my 2bits of armchair quarterbacking...

Of course once she's TOLD you what she wants, you then have the problem of determining what she actually wants.

Game on :rofl:

Update:

I did 900 mile trip with her. Caught some freezing weather: like just below zero for a few hours.

We both got very cold but she did not complain at all. She was a trooper. She did however ask me what that ride was on my scale of discomfort.(she wants to know how worse can it get I guess)

One thing is that she falls asleep on back of bike from time to time so gotta keep an eye on her.

I told her I want her to join if she can. Shes agreed to join for a short leg of the trip and she is pondering for the whole trip.

It's up to her now.

lostintime

Mine used to fall asleep on the back; best solution - get her a licence and onto her own bike. I don't even have pillion pegs any more!

Had that happen many times - I developed quick reflex elbows to nudge them back into the middle. Failing that, a couple of luggage straps to lash them to you.

Late at night and on a boring road after a big lunch were the commonest times. It's one of the reasons we bought a GoldWing for our last + next trip. It's a lot harder to fall off that.

Never underestimate what a woman can do.
 

When I met my Ex-wife, she shared her experiences as one of the very first women to climb in the Himalayas. She has her name in the record books for that expedition. I thought I was fairly experienced as an outdoorsman and backpacker, I EVEN WROTE A BOOK ABOUT BACKPACKING, but she kept up with me wherever we hiked. I could beat her on a long bicycle ride, but she could out run me any day of the week. And even though I had owned about a dozen of the Klepper folding kayaks, she had more sea time off shore than I did, paddling around in her tandem hard shell kayak, exploring the broken Islands on week long trips. I had my Canadian power squadron and Marine license, with experience on my own 28' Command Bridge Cabin cruiser, but she had three Summers liveaboard experience gunk holing on a big sail boat up and down the BC coast. And while I have owned over a dozen VW camper vans, and spent a few months Wintering in Jasper, she had spent an ENTIRE Winter living in her VW Westphalia camper van in Whistler.

I consider myself a fairly MACHO ALPHA MALE type guy, but I had trouble keeping up to her.

HOWEVER,
when it came to MOTORCYCLES, she was scared silly of them.

UNTIL ...
I took her for a ride on my BMW GS.
She LOVED IT!!

I WAS PLANNING TO SWAP OFF THE BMW FOR A SAIL BOAT, SO WE COULD GO SAILING TOGETHER, BUT AFTER A COUPLE OF WEEKS SHE DECIDED WE SHOULD KEEP THE MOTORCYCLE.

OK,
a few months later she signed up for lessons, and earned her motorcycle license. That Spring she got her first very own motorcycle, a Suzuki Savage low rider. A year later, realizing she could not keep up with the big boys, she sold the SAVAGE, and got a 600 Suzuki Bandit. Then she upgraded to a 650 Bandit ... because it had heated grips, and matched her nail polish. At that time I was riding a tricked out 650 WEEstrom, and honestly I could not keep up to her on the hiway ... she was a maniac, and totally fearless. So I had to upgrade to a tricked out VEEstrom 1000.

YEP! Never underestimate the "weaker?" sex.
BTDT

My new lady is a Gypsy, who has no permanent address, but again has her own near mint 73VW van camper, which she considers part of her family. She also a 21' Ford motorhome, with a BIG V10 motor as well. We will be travelling a LOT together all over BC this Summer, and plan to Winter in Mexico. These days, I prefer the space and comfort of the 21' motorhome. But the nostalgia of rambling around in an old VW camper van, also has merits.

AND,
while she has experience on motorcycle as a POWER BACK WARMER, she has never sat up front on one. AS one of our first priorities, she wants to get her motorcycle license. We will probably limit ourselves to a small dual sport on the back bumper of the motorhome, but it should be fun.

PS: Travelling with a new sweety, is like living on FAST FORWARD!! The pressures can be magnified, and you will find out pretty quickly whether or not you have what it takes as a couple. I highly recommend a few SHORTER trips together before you commit to Patagonia.

Otherwise,
always remember,
if you have an ice pick on board,
politeness and good manners may save your life.
(;-{)

A couple of friends of mine went on an extended backpacking trip some years ago. He was an experienced traveller happy to sleep in coalsheds and wash dishes to stay on the road. She was a game girl who enjoyed travel and thought it sounded like fun, and they had only recently got together so South America seemed like a great adventure.

After 3 days laid up in a flea-ridden cheap hotel room in Quito with Montezuma's Revenge she had changed her mind and flew home. They stayed together (in theory) but broke up soon after his return (in fact).

Give it a go by all means but be sensitive to the needs of your partner who may not have the same expectations as you, and be prepared to change and make concessions because it will be "your" (plural) trip not just yours.

Laz 1
 

Laz 1, certainly speaks from experience.
I had the pleasure of his company at our ranch in Flagstaff and found him to be a real adventurer when it comes to mates or perspective/potential mates, many miles of experience. I would read and heed all his advice.

He knows of what he speaks and is also a very decent polite man. Although, I have a sneaky suspicion that he might believe in and practice sex before marriage.

Carry on my friend and we hope to see you at Overland Expo- Flagstaff in May 2017 or just drop by the ranch.

xfiltrate

The POT calling the KETTLE Black?
 

HMMmmm ...
That description sounds more like the guy who invented
THE SEX GAME.
And R U still getting royalties from that endeavor?

CU and Elisa soon ...
Looking forward to more GREAT conversations regarding the theories and practices of "relationships". Perhaps best done in the evenings, in the HOT tub, while sipping a COLD drink, and gazing at a sky filled with an infinty of stars.
(;-{)
LAZ 1