February 06, 2005 GMT
Givin' The Doc A Bone.

3rd Feb 2003. NKT (sigh...)

It's out! I went to the hospital yesterday, as one does, and the surgeon said -
"OK, we can take the pin out right now if you like. That's right sonny, without an anaesthetic of any kind."
I enquired, more out of politeness than anything else, how much the procedure would hurt.
The surgeon and his assistant looked at each other. I could sense two very well controlled sniggers.
"Oh, there may be some slight pain" came the reply. I decided to go for the tomorrow-with-anaesthetic option. It's out!

Met Tiffany Coates from this very website and Toby from Germany, who likes lager and Black Sabbath. Tiff's bike has exploded a bit (i.e. chain & sprockets, suspension, battery) but she knocks up a mean veg curry.

Appendix 1[a]: An Apology.
Yes, I know the title of this bit doesn't make a whole lot of sense, but there are some better ones coming up.

Posted by Simon Fitzpatrick at 07:31 PM GMT
My Lobster Hell.

4th Feb 2005. NKT.

I have managed to persuade Tiff that me giving her my battery is not the ideal solution to her exploded bike. Phew!

I may have inadvertently given the impression that three months in Nouakchott is a waking nightmare. A living hell. The Worst Thing In The World. A daily piledriver to the cranium of ennui, filth, loathsomeness and despair. Today's agenda was as follows:
1. Get up at 11 for breakfast on the verandah.
2. Have lunch.
3. Siesta.
4. Ride down to the weekly motocross event next to the beach with my new mates.
5. Eat lobster and drink beer until 2am with English and German people who are gagging to listen to Black Sabbath all night.

It doesn't seem quite so bleak now there's an end in sight.

Posted by Simon Fitzpatrick at 07:49 PM GMT
Tit Frenzy.

5th Feb 2005. NKT.

The sight, yesterday, of a saucy girl in a bra on the back of a motorbike on the beach has sent Toby and I into a 36 hour spiral of Beavis and Butthead hysteria. You just don't see that sort of thing in Mauritania and I've been here 13 weeks. Louise (the female bit of Gary and Louise from Cornwall) coins the phrase "Tit Frenzy" to describe this unsettling phenomenon.
Gary and I are reduced to hot tears of helpless, moronic laughter this evening at every mention of the words "box" and "helmet".

See? I told you the titles were going to get better.

Posted by Simon Fitzpatrick at 07:56 PM GMT
Uhhh? Parcel?? Sorry...

6 Feb 2005. UPS Express Office, 23 Avenue Bourguiba, Nouakchott, Mauritania.

I went to pick up my freshly-couriered camera today.
The lazy bitch at the UPS office said "S'not 'ere".
I said "Yes it is, you lazy bitch."
She said "Try tomorrow."
I said "Do you want me to phone UPS in London and tell them you can't
be bothered to go and get it from the pile, which is all of 6 feet away
from your desk, you lazy bitch?"
She said "Oh look - there it is."
I should have taken a photo of her and emailed it to Michael Eskew, Chairman and Chief Executive Officer of UPS, under the heading "Sack Me Today. I Am A Lazy Bitch."

I didn't really call her a lazy bitch. Not until I was in the car park.

PS - if you are DR800, you've put your email address in wrong. I think.

Posted by Simon Fitzpatrick at 08:11 PM GMT
February 16, 2005 GMT
Satan, Laughing, Spreads His Wings.

My friend Johnny Mac is a photographer and recently took this, which may be the best thing ever...

ozzy says.jpg

Oh Lord Yeah!
ps - I'm in Mali. It's great.

Posted by Simon Fitzpatrick at 02:55 PM GMT

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