8.7.09 Cali, Colombia
We've ascertained, haven't we, what the Worst Song In The World is already. But what's the Other Worst Song In The etc? Spot on! And well done. It's What's Going On by 4 Non Blondes.
-It's a rat with a sore on its leg dying on your lunch.
-It's a burp mishap.
-It's flat, room-temperature Pepsi served by a frowning Mormon.
-It's a wall-eyed stepchild with an expensive and ongoing orthodontic programme for which you are liable.
-It's a fat lout straining in the next stall.
-It's Nottingham City Council's 1947 Christmas "Party". More tinned egg, anyone?
"4 Non Blondes" is the most sickening, faux Marxism Today, Stoke-Newington-When-It-Was-Still-Shit sprout-chod of a band name in the history of pop music. Hey - I read The Guardian - but this is hog-sputum.
Having just watched my first-ever 10 minutes of Monster Trucks, I feel the need to share the names of the four drivers with you. Ready?
I swear I'm not exaggerating. It's worth watching just for the names.
If you're planning a trip to Cali - and if you're not, have a rethink - you'd better firm up your eye-sockets, else them peepers are gonna be bouncing off your chin like wet, fleshy golf balls. It's the breast-augmentation capital* of the world, and if there's such a thing as the opposite of a burka, that's what Las Caleņas are wearing this season. And I'm not talking about the Mrs Beckham-style "two footballs and a snout glued to a broom handle" look. These women are - to a man, almost - getting it right.
The zoo's great as well, apart from - as usual - the poor bastard bear, trotting round in demented circles like a retired, lonely Alan Titchmarsh with only a window-box to fuss over. It was the same story in Buenos Aires zoo. FREE THE BEARS! Everything else seems happy and well-fed; the ostriches are plainly content to the point of utter, robotic vacancy. Two of them stand at the low dividing wall, an arm's length away, and stare at us, motionless, for five solid minutes. The humans blink and laugh; the ostriches blink and burp. It's low comedy, sure, but comedy nonetheless. If - like me - you're slightly scared of butterflies (moths, really, but they're too close for comfort aren't they?), grit your gums and get y'self in the butterfly house. It's excellent - and they have hummingbirds in there as well.
Posted by Simon Fitzpatrick at August 21, 2009 10:59 PM GMT
Next HU Events
- Germany: May 29-June 1
- Greece: June 5-8
- Bulgaria Mini: June 13-14
- HUBB UK: June 19-22
- Montenegro: June 26-29
- NEW! Canada Maritimes: July 4-6
- USA Colorado: July 11-13
- Ireland: July 18-20
- Canada West: Aug 21-24
- USA North Carolina: Sept. 4-7
- France Mini: Sep 5-7
- Canada Ontario: Sept. 11-14
- NEW! UK - Haggs Bank: Sept. 19-21
- USA California: Sept. 25-28
- Aus Queensland: Oct 3-6
- Aus Perth: Oct 10-12
- Aus VIC: Oct 24-26
- NEW! Aus NSW: Oct 31-Nov 2
- NEW! South Africa: Nov 13-16
Buy the Achievable Dream Collectors Set and get Road Heroes Part 1 FREE!
Cooped up indoors in crap weather? Binge watch over 20 hours of inspiring, informative and entertaining stories and tips from 150 travellers! Check it out at the HU Store! Remember to order them both and use Coupon Code 'BoxSet+' on your order when you checkout.
What others say about HU...
"I just wanted to say thanks for doing this and sharing so much with the rest of us." Dave, USA
"Your website is a mecca of valuable information and the DVD series is informative, entertaining, and inspiring! The new look of the website is very impressive, updated and catchy. Thank you so very much!" Jennifer, Canada
"...Great site. Keep up the good work." Murray and Carmen, Australia
"We just finished a 7 month 22,000+ mile scouting trip from Alaska to the bottom of Chile and I can't tell you how many times we referred to your site for help. From how to adjust your valves, to where to stay in the back country of Peru. Horizons Unlimited was a key player in our success. Motorcycle enthusiasts from around the world are in debt to your services." Alaska Riders
10th Annual HU Travellers Photo Contest is on now! This is an opportunity for YOU to show us your best photos and win prizes!
NEW! HU 2014 Adventure Travel T-shirts! are now available in several colors! Be the first kid on your block to have them! New lower prices on synths!
Check out the new Gildan Performance cotton-feel t-shirt - 100% poly, feels like soft cotton!
What turns you on to motorcycle travel?
Global Rescue is the premier provider of medical, security and evacuation services worldwide and is the only company that will come to you, wherever you are, and evacuate you to your home hospital of choice. Additionally, Global Rescue places no restrictions on country of citizenship - all nationalities are eligible to sign-up!
New to Horizons Unlimited?
New to motorcycle travelling? New to the HU site? Confused? Too many options? It's really very simple - just 4 easy steps!
Horizons Unlimited was founded in 1997 by Grant and Susan Johnson following their journey around the world on a BMW R80 G/S motorcycle.Read more about Grant & Susan's story
Membership - help keep us going!
Horizons Unlimited is not a big multi-national company, just two people who love motorcycle travel and have grown what started as a hobby in 1997 into a full time job (usually 8-10 hours per day and 7 days a week) and a labour of love. To keep it going and a roof over our heads, we run events (22 this year!); we sell inspirational and informative DVDs; we have a few selected advertisers; and we make a small amount from memberships.
You don't have to be a Member to come to an HU meeting, access the website, the HUBB or to receive the e-zine. What you get for your membership contribution is our sincere gratitude, good karma and knowing that you're helping to keep the motorcycle travel dream alive. Contributing Members and Gold Members do get additional features on the HUBB. Here's a list of all the Member benefits on the HUBB.
Books & DVDs
All the best travel books and videos listed and often reviewed on HU's famous Books page. Check it out and get great travel books from all over the world.
MC Air Shipping, (uncrated) USA / Canada / Europe and other areas. Be sure to say "Horizons Unlimited" to get your $25 discount on Shipping!
Insurance - see: For foreigners traveling in US and Canada and for Americans and Canadians traveling in other countries, then mail it to MC Express and get your HU $15 discount!
Story and photos copyright © All Rights Reserved.
Contact the author:
Editors note: We accept no responsibility for any of the above information in any way whatsoever. You are reminded to do your own research. Any commentary is strictly a personal opinion of the person supplying the information and is not to be construed as an endorsement of any kind.
Hosted by: Horizons
Unlimited, the motorcycle travellers' website!
You can have your story here too - click for details!