May 08, 2009 GMT
Five Glorious Years.

10.4.09 Antofagasta, Chile


atastatwave.JPG


atahand1.JPG


The great thing about Chile - and Britain - is that you're never too far from the sea. I break my personal trail-bike distance record today and spurt 350 sun-soaked, but relatively cool miles through the Atacama. An eleven mile detour to the left takes me to the coast and Antofagasta.


antosigns.JPG


antohillroad.JPG

(Sorry if you're one of those "Iron Butt" fellows, but 350 miles on an Africa Twin saddle is a good 75 more than I want to repeat in a hurry. I have done about 450 on a far more comfortable CB1000 seat, but you people that do 1000 miles in a day want your brains looking at. You really do.)


antopalmbuild.JPG


antograff.JPG


It's salty-humid, nice after the eye-drying aridity of the desert, and the hotel's a peach at 15GBP. Wally's Pub beckons. I grab a seat at the bar and am engaged in conversation by a person who would appear to be Penelope Cruz's younger, more ectomorphic sister. So you like the rock music? And playing poker? No, actually, I'm not married - and hey! I like to play the guitar as well! What's that now? Do I like Chilean "womans"? Yes indeedy! I surely do! You absolute Goddess. May I prostrate myself, that you may do with me as you see fit?


antodocks2.JPG

This sort of interplay goes on for a full 90 minutes, after which she bungs the phrase "my boyfriend" into the conversation. I grin bleakly and leave as soon as is polite, i.e. the second I've finished my Cristal. Women - 1. Me - 0 (aggregate). Perhaps the fact that she's a 20 year old student PE teacher, and I'm a 43 year old holiday-monkey should have alerted me to my imminent shooting-down-in-flames, but when she came back all sweaty from running up that hill to buy me some fags, something gave way in my brain-stem. Did I want to lurch over the bar and suck the salty beads from her golden forehead? Well, yes, I'm rather afraid I did. But now I'm glad I didn't.
---


I wake up the next morning and it's Friday; and due to the Pope's irritating insistence on changing the date of Easter every year, it's Good Friday. It's a scam of course to get four days off work. If it was Good Tuesday and Jesus hadn't risen from the grave until the following Monday, I doubt we'd get a full week off.


antohouse.JPG


So, today, Antofagasta is a ghost town. Eventually I find an ice-cream/burger shop open for breakfast, but they're showing a sub-Robert Powell TV movie of the life of Christ, so no-one's going to hell. Except me - and even I'm not, because there isn't one! (Leave it now- Ed.)


antosunset.JPG


Aimless afternoon wandering around the city... I like it! Even empty. And by 7pm things start lighting up. Hello Bundeschop, a stripped-down beer 'n' fag house on the main drag. A comfy booth in a place that sells only draught beer and cigs is not to be sniffed at. It's full by 7.30 - unusual in Chile - and the vibes are good.
No poncing about with wine, spirits, mixers or food - just tables, waitresses and beer! Delicious yellow love-water. And The Police and Bob Marley on the jukebox - until I locate the Cannibal Corpse CD. (Not really. I quite like CC but I don't ever really want to listen to them).
---


What do you think Joey Tempest (real name - Otto von Hottlebottle) is doing now? I think he's doing a poo and having a bit of a cry, in a horrid truck-stop lavatory on the Spitzbergen ring road, and reaching for his crumpled Cindy Crawford special edition of Wunder Femal . But he's probably in the Bahamas.
---


Ugliest band ever? There's only one contender, and it's the Bee Gees of course. Best hair ever? The number 2 spot goes to Ray Manzarek off of the Doors; but top billing belongs to the MC5's Rob Tyner. God hair!
---


I haven't been hugely taken with Latino pop music. I think the problem is that it tries to pretend it's your sensitive, borderline-gay friend (and it's assuming you're a lady); whereas African music waves its tallywhacker in your face and demands to see your bottom. And that's better.
---


Film Review Section.


Pay It Forward, 2000

Beady-eyed cry-baby Hayley Joel Osment continues to disgust right up until the moment he gets stabbed to death.
Five Stars. For the bit where he gets stabbed.


Talladega Nights, 2006

What a load of sh... hang on! This is hilarious!
Five Stars.


Blades Of Glory, 2007

God! This is bound to be fu... Oh! It's hilarious!
Five Stars.
---


Sad news this week. Butterfield Harmer III, star of some of California's highest-grossing adult movies, has been found dead in a ditch outside San Diego at 41. It seems his brain had partially crystallized due to his insatiable appetite for recreational powders, and that one of his kidneys had migrated north into a lung out of fear, and that one of his toes had developed rudimentary lips, but hey! Butt Harmer! We salute you. *weeps openly*


atahand2.JPG

---

Posted by Simon Fitzpatrick at May 08, 2009 05:33 PM GMT
 
 

NEW! HU 2015 Motorcycle Adventure Travel Calendar is now available! Get your copy now for some terrific travel inspiration!

HUGE, 11.5 x 16.5 inches, beautifully printed in Germany on top quality stock! Photos are the winning images from over 600 entries in the 9th Annual HU Photo Contest!

Horizons Unlimited 2015 Motorcycle Adventure Travel Calendar.

"The calendar is magnificent!"

"I just wanted to say how much I'm loving the new, larger calendar!"

We share the profit with the winning photographers. YOU could be in the HU Calendar too - enter here!

Next HU Eventscalendar

See all events

 

Latvia to Australia, an inspirational 5 month journey full of unexpected adventures!

HU DVD Autumn Special!

Take 40% off Road Heroes Part 1 until October 31 only!

Road Heroes features tales of adventure, joy and sheer terror by veteran travellers Peter and Kay Forwood (193 countries two-up on a Harley); Dr. Greg Frazier (5 times RTW); Tiffany Coates (RTW solo female); and Rene Cormier (University of Gravel Roads).

The first in an exciting new series, Road Heroes features tales of adventure, joy and sheer terror by veteran travellers."Inspiring and hilarious!"

"I loved watching this DVD!"

"Lots of amazing stories and even more amazing photographs, it's great fun and very inspirational."

"Wonderful entertainment!"

Check it out at the HU Store! Remember to use Coupon Code 'HEROES' on your order when you checkout.

 

Scottoiler automatic chain oilers. The most important accessory for your next motorcycle adventure!

Renedian Adventures

Renedian Adventures

What others say about HU...

"I just wanted to say thanks for doing this and sharing so much with the rest of us." Dave, USA

"Your website is a mecca of valuable information and the DVD series is informative, entertaining, and inspiring! The new look of the website is very impressive, updated and catchy. Thank you so very much!" Jennifer, Canada

"...Great site. Keep up the good work." Murray and Carmen, Australia

"We just finished a 7 month 22,000+ mile scouting trip from Alaska to the bottom of Chile and I can't tell you how many times we referred to your site for help. From how to adjust your valves, to where to stay in the back country of Peru. Horizons Unlimited was a key player in our success. Motorcycle enthusiasts from around the world are in debt to your services." Alaska Riders

contest pic

10th Annual HU Travellers Photo Contest is on now! This is an opportunity for YOU to show us your best photos and win prizes!

NEW! HU 2014 Adventure Travel T-shirts! are now available in several colors! Be the first kid on your block to have them! New lower prices on synths!

HU 2014 T-shirts now in!

Check out the new Gildan Performance cotton-feel t-shirt - 100% poly, feels like soft cotton!


What turns you on to motorcycle travel?


Global Rescue, WORLDwide evacuation services for EVERYONE

Global Rescue is the premier provider of medical, security and evacuation services worldwide and is the only company that will come to you, wherever you are, and evacuate you to your home hospital of choice. Additionally, Global Rescue places no restrictions on country of citizenship - all nationalities are eligible to sign-up!


New to Horizons Unlimited?

New to motorcycle travelling? New to the HU site? Confused? Too many options? It's really very simple - just 4 easy steps!

Horizons Unlimited was founded in 1997 by Grant and Susan Johnson following their journey around the world on a BMW R80 G/S motorcycle.

Susan and Grant Johnson Read more about Grant & Susan's story

Membership - help keep us going!

Horizons Unlimited is not a big multi-national company, just two people who love motorcycle travel and have grown what started as a hobby in 1997 into a full time job (usually 8-10 hours per day and 7 days a week) and a labour of love. To keep it going and a roof over our heads, we run events (22 this year!); we sell inspirational and informative DVDs; we have a few selected advertisers; and we make a small amount from memberships.

You don't have to be a Member to come to an HU meeting, access the website, the HUBB or to receive the e-zine. What you get for your membership contribution is our sincere gratitude, good karma and knowing that you're helping to keep the motorcycle travel dream alive. Contributing Members and Gold Members do get additional features on the HUBB. Here's a list of all the Member benefits on the HUBB.


Books & DVDs

amazon

All the best travel books and videos listed and often reviewed on HU's famous Books page. Check it out and get great travel books from all over the world.


Motorcycle Express for shipping and insurance!

Motorcycle Express

MC Air Shipping, (uncrated) USA / Canada / Europe and other areas. Be sure to say "Horizons Unlimited" to get your $25 discount on Shipping!
Insurance - see: For foreigners traveling in US and Canada and for Americans and Canadians traveling in other countries, then mail it to MC Express and get your HU $15 discount!

Story and photos copyright ©

Sorry, you need a Javascript enabled browser to get the email address and dates. You can contact Horizons Unlimited at the link below. Please be sure to tell us WHICH blog writer you wish to contact.

All Rights Reserved.

Contact the author:

Editors note: We accept no responsibility for any of the above information in any way whatsoever. You are reminded to do your own research. Any commentary is strictly a personal opinion of the person supplying the information and is not to be construed as an endorsement of any kind.

Hosted by: Horizons Unlimited, the motorcycle travellers' website!
You can have your story here too - click for details!