So, at long last I've restarted this god foresaken journey. It was nice to be on the road, despite it only being a four hour journey to Plaskett Creek. I had a nice bit of windy road from Ojai for about an hour and then a couple of hours thrash up the freeway. Once off the freeway the ride was a wee bit manic, the sun was low and blinded me every time I got halfway round each bend. I so wanted to wind up the throttle and crank it round the bends. I made up for it on a ride further north, to the Big Sur, on Saturday, They don't have double white lines out here, I've assumed the use of yellow ones are to provide me with a guide line for overtaking with oncoming traffic. Do Harley riders go so slow to ensure everyone sees their bikes, or are the bikes really that sluggish? Shame coz I love the sound of them!
For the first time I had to pack all my stuff up and get under way. Of course I had to reload my luggage a couple of times to get it all fitting in a balanced and logical way. I found out how chilly the brilliant desert gear is as soon as the temperature drops off. It may be fine for a quick blast along the roads at home, but not on a misty ride along the Californian coast for a few hours. I thought it was meant to be bloody hot here, all the time! I definately need more suitable clothing to keep me warm in colder climes. I did express this opinion to Cai, but he just thought I was being over cautious; bless him.
It was also a weekend camping with my Californian friends; so not really setting out as the bold explorer, conquering the unknown single handed. Not really the intention now though, more to provide the space to clear away all the crap and get on with a life I never imagined I'd have to face. Sharing this weekend was excellent, and the kids were such a joy to be around. Somehow it makes it feel good that life is still precious and I can have positive emotions, not just the painful ones. Layla and Iain seem to have taken a bit of a shine to me, which means demands for my attention leave me with less time to dwell on grief. As you can see Layla and me have become a bit close.
Despite a seemingly ever present sea Har the weekend was really nice. I got to watch some fairly impressive surfing.
And saw a small colony of elephant seals, be jay-zus aren't they big. The males are down right ugly too, with large manky flaps of flesh/fur hanging off them.
I've had to face one of the hardest moments in my life so far today. A time when I severely doubted whether I could maintain contact with my rational mind. What a change from yesterday, then I felt detached and insular. It made me feel guilty that I hadn't ended up in tears for a whole day. Well I certainly made up for it today. Hearing from those at home has tended to be a hard time emotionally, reading comments from folk today really tipped the balance. And yet once it was over I was so glad to have experienced such overpowering emotions. I have no idea how long my outbreak lasted, I believe for some time. It started as a few tears and just snowballed, there was nothing I could do to stop it and it just got worse and worse. I was in the house alone, couldn't walk straight, couldn't think clearly and fear overtook. My belly was vibrating uncomfortably, which moved up to my chest as well and scared the shit out of me. I didn't know what to do, wobbling around the house, confused and hardly able to catch my breath. Eventually some corner of my mind got me to stop moving around and get my breath under control. Once breathing more normal the uncomfortable vibrating stopped in the torso and settled into my dead as a dull pain, but still felt like it was vibrating. It was horrible, but at least I stopped it! At first I wanted to block all commments, but then I felt how good it had been. To lose it emotionally to that extent and still have enough mental faculty to get it together again waqs reasuring. Part of my anxiety of doing the trip still was if I could handle getting really upset and scared with no-one around. Now I know I can! I also know I feel stronger for that experience, and give not a shit how it sounds to anyone else. We do, after all, create our own versions of hell!
For many years I've struggled to have as good an opinion of myself as others seem to hold. I've put my vlaue in terms of my son, or other relationships; not myself. To hear people praise me and compliment me has made me feel uncomfortable. This is what started today's episode; reading people expressing their admiration for how I'm handling Cai's accident, death etc... So I realise now is the time to change that, time to focus on me and what life I have. So don't stop the supportive comments, I need to listen and take it on board; maybe then I can begin to realise my real potential, as an individual. Maybe I can be someone I'm proud of being, to see the reasons I should be proud of myself. Truly a frightening day, yet such a valuable experience.Posted by Leslie Kay at August 06, 2007 10:30 AM GMT
Next HU Events
- Brazil: Feb 22-23
- Germany: May 29-June 1
- HUBB UK: June 19-22
- NEW! Canada Maritimes: July 4-6
- USA Colorado: July 11-13
- Ireland: July 18-20
- Canada West: Aug 21-24
- USA North Carolina: Sept. 4-7
- Canada Ontario: Sept. 11-14
- NEW! UK - Haggs Bank: Sept. 19-21
- USA California: Sept. 25-28
- Aus Queensland: Oct 3-6
- Aus Perth: Oct 10-12
- Aus VIC: Oct 24-26
- NEW! South Africa: Nov 14-16
Horizons Unlimited DVD Special - it's time to Get Ready!
Northerners! The weather outside is frightful, so what better time to start planning your next adventure! To help you get started, for February we're taking 30% off the Get Ready! DVD in the HU Store! Remember to use Coupon Code 'GETREADY' on your order when you checkout.
10th Annual HU Travellers Photo Contest is on now! This is an opportunity for YOU to show us your best photos and win prizes!
NEW! HU 2014 Adventure Travel T-shirts! are now available in several colors! Be the first kid on your block to have them! New lower prices on synths!
Check out the new Gildan Performance cotton-feel t-shirt - 100% poly, feels like soft cotton!
New to Horizons Unlimited?
New to motorcycle travelling? New to the HU site? Confused? Too many options? It's really very simple - just 4 easy steps!
Horizons Unlimited was founded in 1997 by Grant and Susan Johnson following their journey around the world on a BMW R80 G/S motorcycle.Read more about Grant & Susan's story
What turns you on to motorcycle travel?
Global Rescue is the premier provider of medical, security and evacuation services worldwide and is the only company that will come to you, wherever you are, and evacuate you to your home hospital of choice. Additionally, Global Rescue places no restrictions on country of citizenship - all nationalities are eligible to sign-up!
Books & DVDs
All the best travel books and videos listed and often reviewed on HU's famous Books page. Check it out and get great travel books from all over the world.
Membership - Show you're proud to be a Horizons Unlimited Traveller!
Horizons Unlimited is not a big multi-national company, just two people who love motorcycle travel and have grown what started as a hobby in 1997 into a full time job (usually 8-10 hours per day and 7 days a week) and a labour of love. To keep it going and a roof over our heads, we run events such as this one (18 this year!); we sell inspirational and informative DVDs; we have a few selected advertisers; and we make a small amount from memberships.
You don't have to be a Member to come to an HU meeting, access the website, the HUBB or to receive the e-zine. What you get for your membership contribution is our sincere gratitude, good karma and knowing that you're helping to keep the motorcycle travel dream alive. Contributing Members and Gold Members do get additional features on the HUBB. Here's a list of all the Member benefits on the HUBB.
MC Air Shipping, (uncrated) USA / Canada / Europe and other areas. Be sure to say "Horizons Unlimited" to get your $25 discount on Shipping!
Insurance - see: For foreigners traveling in US and Canada and for Americans and Canadians traveling in other countries, then mail it to MC Express and get your HU $15 discount!
Story and photos copyright © All Rights Reserved.
Contact the author:
Editors note: We accept no responsibility for any of the above information in any way whatsoever. You are reminded to do your own research. Any commentary is strictly a personal opinion of the person supplying the information and is not to be construed as an endorsement of any kind.
Hosted by: Horizons
Unlimited, the motorcycle travellers' website!
You can have your story here too - click for details!