Finding a woman traveller, for a partner.

[Aliprovidor]

How do you do this? (I'm over 60)

I have looked on dating sites and found plenty of women who say they are a traveler, that they are adventurous. I find that traveling for them is cruises and tours and at least 4 star accommodation. Adventurous is doing those things alone or with one other woman.
It seems (and women have told me this) that once a woman reaches 60, she wants to have a comfortable life and indulge in all the things that "normal" people do. One of the most important "normal" things is a nice modern toilet.


So, you might suggest, find a younger woman traveler that is more interested in the adventure than the toilet. My question is how, where? These wonderous people are like needles; the ones that are in haystacks!


I am not a motorcyclist. I have a camping truck, a Russian Army one that is more practical than luxurious. Go anywhere, heated, comfortable, maybe a little noisy. For the last two years I have been searching to no avail. Obviously I haven't been looking in the right places.
I have had more experience traveling on tracks and off-road than most people on this planet so I'm pretty safe to be with but! How and where do you find a woman who is not afraid of this kind of life? Not only not afraid but likes it? Great overlanding experiences shared more than doubles the pleasure. A.

[maria41]

I don’t think it is gender specific. 99.9% of people cannot go beyond their comfort zone.
Overlanding takes you way beyond that... often. Most guys and gals will go on their organised holidays, or booking a nice hotel for 2 weeks in Ibiza to lay down by the beach. My kind of hell holiday, but there you go. Finding people who actually will go beyond that is hard.

Even among my friends. I tried and failed to get them to come with me to ride an organised tour ( with russian friends on local bikes ) in Siberia. Every single One of them who said would love to do something like that.... found an excuse not to come.
I went with the husband. We had a ball.

That is only one example among many. Where to find like minded people? And people you actually get on with? That is probably the one million dollar question. Or answer?

I met many adventurous ( like in travel) women during my trips. On bikes, backpacking, cycling ( solo across Africa, Central Asia or South America !) etc... they are out there... just not that visible. Keep looking... sometimes it is about luck, fate or karma....
Good luck!

[Flipflop]

My thoughts.
I assume that when you say female travelling partner you mean someone to have a physical relationship with - otherwise a man would do (for you anyway). If that is the case my suggestion would be to look for love first and foremost - but don’t look too hard. There’s nothing more off putting for a man or woman, if someone smacks of desperation - not that I’m suggesting you’re desperate, I’m just generalising.

Love can lead people down all sorts of previously un-thought of roads. The right woman could make you want to giving up travelling all together and do something else entirely - likewise a static woman, in love with you, might take to the open road with gay abandon. So don’t discount a woman you meet just because she is not, already, a hardened traveller.
It’s also much more enjoyable to travel with someone you’re in love with - that make-do partner will quickly turn into a subject of hate when things turn difficult.

Once you’ve found her, take your time. Build up the journeys slowly, starting with short, comfortable trips to nice, interesting places. It’s important to build up a memory bank of very enjoyable travels for her to fall back on when the going gets tough. It’s easy for us to go through hardship as we know it’s a small percentage of our overall travels but she might not have that same experience.
It’s also important to compromise, don’t force her to do something she doesn’t want to - if she loves you she will happily let you do your own thing now and again. Likewise go places that don’t necessarily interest you, for her - again you’ll be happy to go, to please her and to just be with her.

When I first met my wife she’d never been on a motorcycle. I started by taking her on short trips, on sunny days: a country pub, picnic by a river, down to the coast. Then a little camping trip to France, then longer camping holidays. She took her motorcycle test 5 years later and again I built up the trips. She’s been riding 20 years now, all over Europe, Morocco, USA, The Himalayas. I like a bit of hard core but still enjoy the odd relaxing camping trip to France.

It may sound like hard work but the perfect woman may cross your path at any time and remember you get out what you put it - a good relationship is worth working for.

Best of luck to you

[backofbeyond]

Well done to Flipflop for taking on what could have been a hand grenade of a subject.

I'm even older than Aliprovidor (late 60's) and tbh, I think the chances of you finding anyone - male or female - who would want to share the kind of lifestyle you're 'offering' is pretty remote. That's because by this point in most people's lives they've either found what they want out of life or they've settled in with what they've got. Add in some of the concerns of late middle age - family, finances, health etc, plus the life experience 'baggage' that's accumulated and left its mark (divorce for example) and it becomes a huge upheaval to just up and go. Most people, by this stage, are not looking for more difficulties, they've had a lifetime of them with many more lurking just over the horizon. Of course there's always the exception - people who are restless enough to want to keep pushing, but if you're that sort of personality it's unlikely that you'll be interested in meekly tagging along on someone else's vision. They'll be the one's trying to follow their own vision.

Most of that is pretty unisex but there's an added factor with women (speaking as a male). Remember the film 'When Harry met Sally' - "men and women can't be friends because the sex thing always gets in the way." By the time you're in your 60's that 'sex thing' is more likely to be a 'gender thing' but in my experience to do 'his n hers' travel succesfully you have to get on. That means friendship first, travel second - in all senses. That also means a meeting of equals and the compromises that entails. That may mean a cruise this year and overland to Mongolia next.

I've been lucky, with my wife happy to come along on some of my milder travel fantasies. We should, for example, be on a bike trip around the southern states of the US at the moment but the virus killed it off. She was happy to do that, but my attempt to get to West Africa a couple of years ago was going to be strictly a solo affair. She just wasn't as interested in doing that as I was.

There's a lot more that could be said on the subject but my advice would be to stop looking for a travel companion and, if that's what's important in your life, to look for a companion - somone you like for themselves, not for what they can do to enhance your existing life. It gets harder as you get older though as people on both sides of the divide have more to lose and there are plenty of men and women in their 60's etc chosing to live alone. Personally, if I split up with my wife now for whatever reason (unlikely but there's many reasons other than divorce) I'm not sure I'd bother actively looking for anyone else, but that's me. But you can never tell - for good and for bad, what's round the corner. I have a friend in his early 60's who's never married; and no, he's not gay, (or fussy come to that), he's just never met the right person. And it's a great sadness in his life. Whereas I know someone else whose wife died when he was in his mid 80's and he met someone on a cruise the following year. Just the luck of the draw.

Take a step back from it all and work out your priorities. Compromise has always been the name of the game. And yes, I'm aware of George Bernard Shaw's take on it - “The reasonable man adapts himself to the world: the unreasonable one persists in trying to adapt the world to himself. Therefore all progress depends on the unreasonable man.” I just don't think it applies in this case.

[motravel]

Sorry boys! Can't really help.
just my 2 cents: Bob Marley

[Flipflop]

Originally Posted by backofbeyond

Well done to Flipflop for taking on what could have been a hand grenade of a subject.

I'm even older than Aliprovidor (late 60's) and tbh, I think the chances of you finding anyone - male or female - who would want to share the kind of lifestyle you're 'offering' is pretty remote. That's because by this point in most people's lives they've either found what they want out of life or they've settled in with what they've got. Add in some of the concerns of late middle age - family, finances, health etc, plus the life experience 'baggage' that's accumulated and left its mark (divorce for example) and it becomes a huge upheaval to just up and go. Most people, by this stage, are not looking for more difficulties, they've had a lifetime of them with many more lurking just over the horizon. Of course there's always the exception - people who are restless enough to want to keep pushing, but if you're that sort of personality it's unlikely that you'll be interested in meekly tagging along on someone else's vision. They'll be the one's trying to follow their own vision.

Most of that is pretty unisex but there's an added factor with women (speaking as a male). Remember the film 'When Harry met Sally' - "men and women can't be friends because the sex thing always gets in the way." By the time you're in your 60's that 'sex thing' is more likely to be a 'gender thing' but in my experience to do 'his n hers' travel succesfully you have to get on. That means friendship first, travel second - in all senses. That also means a meeting of equals and the compromises that entails. That may mean a cruise this year and overland to Mongolia next.

I've been lucky, with my wife happy to come along on some of my milder travel fantasies. We should, for example, be on a bike trip around the southern states of the US at the moment but the virus killed it off. She was happy to do that, but my attempt to get to West Africa a couple of years ago was going to be strictly a solo affair. She just wasn't as interested in doing that as I was.

There's a lot more that could be said on the subject but my advice would be to stop looking for a travel companion and, if that's what's important in your life, to look for a companion - somone you like for themselves, not for what they can do to enhance your existing life. It gets harder as you get older though as people on both sides of the divide have more to lose and there are plenty of men and women in their 60's etc chosing to live alone. Personally, if I split up with my wife now for whatever reason (unlikely but there's many reasons other than divorce) I'm not sure I'd bother actively looking for anyone else, but that's me. But you can never tell - for good and for bad, what's round the corner. I have a friend in his early 60's who's never married; and no, he's not gay, (or fussy come to that), he's just never met the right person. And it's a great sadness in his life. Whereas I know someone else whose wife died when he was in his mid 80's and he met someone on a cruise the following year. Just the luck of the draw.

Take a step back from it all and work out your priorities. Compromise has always been the name of the game. And yes, I'm aware of George Bernard Shaw's take on it - “The reasonable man adapts himself to the world: the unreasonable one persists in trying to adapt the world to himself. Therefore all progress depends on the unreasonable man.” I just don't think it applies in this case.

Thanks and great post yourself, we share the same philosophy
Friend of ours was a life long bachelor but met a great woman a couple of years ago aged 60.
Everyone is over the moon - non more so than himself.