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  #76  
Old 12 Dec 2007
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Join Date: Dec 2007
Location: Ballarat, Australia
Posts: 49
More of the same form me... lol

Maaaaate!
Long Way Round????? They should have called that "I'll take the high road". Jejeje

Two weeks ago I came home to find my Mum (yeah, right my MUM I'm living with my Mum while I plan my Jnauary trip; gotta love her): watching TLWR to try and experience what her "little boy" (I'm 30+) had been through.

I saw two motorbikes being loaded onto AllWheelDrive trucks, while the boys drank hot coffee from the third of their 7 support vehicles and chatted with... GET THIS!!!... their traveling medico! That is funny. Yes I mean, really funny, then sad, than aggravating, then funny again. This was 20 minute sof television.. I don't get it.

Perspective, man. I had the same river crossing in Honduras. the rains had commenced , so the locals had warned me (this is what it's all about dude) that I had a small window to ride 40 kilometres of rocky donkey trails to beat the the rising river crossing or I would be stranded. I ignored their sperior knowledge of the local conditions (I was already low on petrol).

The ride their through a tunnelled canopy of jungle with birds racing the bike ahead of me cos they were going too fast to re-enter the jungle canopy is possibly the most out of this world thing I have ever seen. ( Bit melodramatic cos I say that about many memories). Rambling... anywaaaaay.

I arrive at the river, waters are rising and I have to get across now or I'm stuffed. (40km of hard enduro is about an hour and a half give or take). I've got my whole life strapped on the back of a pissy little Suzuki DR 200 that I bought in Guatemala (Laptop, 2x cameras, tools, spare tube, clutch, tent hammock and not many clothes or anything else cos this bike was a baaaaby...

I give it the best she's got ; to try and aqua plane half teh river crossing (about 25meters to halfway).

Aqua planing a DR200 is huge mistake, lol. I've made about 25metres of my crossing when the chain hits a rock so hard it flys off and jams in the rear wheel.

Hmmm...No trucks, no NAV SAT, no support crew...

The water is rising, I'm shitting myself. fight or flight????

First instinct:look for help... there is no-one:
Second, drop the bike, **** it I am over this shit. I'm gonna walk the next 25,000 kms!
Third instinct: after crying a little, kicking the water a bit more, cursing a LOT (God, Honduras, Latinos, gringos, myself, Suzuki...)...
I drag the bike, through rapid waters about 45cm deep to a boulder rising from the midst of the water.

Prop the back up, pull out my tools, try and pry the chain loose, (waters rushing along, bike is balancing on a rock, I'm edging toward panic) ... no go!

Drop the rear wheel off the bike, free the chain, put the wheel back on.

I tell you i will never again achieve a 35 second solo wheel removal and replacement again. I have hit my PB. Ferrai F1 feel free to contact me via my email...

Waters have risen about 10 cms more (This is alot!!! I am at about maximum depth before I'm screwed and I'm losing everything.

Revving the **** out of it, i make the opposite shore semi-hysterical; laughing, crying, screaming, punching the air. Sit down o the bank and reward myself with a big Havana cigar and a few swigs from a $5 bottle of rum. Aaaaaaah.

Now, the true hilarity.

A few Hondurans had sat and watched this from high up on the bank, kept quiet and pissed them selves laughing. I am POSITIVE they were barracking for the river. They come down and want to join my celebration cause they hadn't realised I had rum and cigars. (I assure you if they had , I'd have had a dozen guys carrying the bike out of the river).

I shared my rum and cigar, (road rage doesn't exist in the jungle), and to my great pleasure was offered a joint! What a magnificent end to an adventure, smoking a BIGGGG Scoob in the jungle, at the side of a raging river that nearly ended my journey.

Heaven... that truly is the garden of Eden. It is your constant rewrad on the road, that you will visit Eden after the greatest tests. Nearly every time.

So... dude... standing around whining while your 10 wheel, All Wheel Drive trucks cross your bike for you? Hardly good TV. That wasn't riding mate, that was The Ewan McGregor Show. No more, no less.

POST NOTE: JUST REALISED THIS WAS SUCH AN OOOOOOLD PSOT> Uplate...lol. But will leave it here cos I went to teh trouble to write one of my stories down....
(aren't I feeling dumb!)

Last edited by Cpt Barbarossa; 12 Dec 2007 at 14:58. Reason: Justveralised it was a million yera old post
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  #77  
Old 12 Dec 2007
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Join Date: Dec 2007
Location: Ballarat, Australia
Posts: 49
Answers to ALL the questions... And the winner is... (Please don't pick me)

What would the perfect Website include?
Girls, girls, girls....pornography is the highest grossing EBusiness in the world.
What would the perfect Website include?
Please see above
What qualifications should a riding partner meet?
Please see above
Which motorcycle to use: Avantages, disadvantages, cost, comfort, reliability?
Any thing that goes, that you can walk away from... cause you might have to. there is another post about chinese ZzhongShen bikes... try one of them I reckon.
Is sponsorship really necessary?
Necessary? Nothing is necessary, except for a bit of food, a bit of alcohol, and a lotta patience. Georgey W might think about throwing in a few dollars if you ride through some Coca Plantations...
What charities do we support?
Ummm Step 1: Make the monay... step 2: Decide how to spend the monay. Cart:Horse... no the other way around....lol
The evil of marketing: Were do I sign?
Hire Ewan McgGegor
Legal Consultant required?
Pedro-Ishmael the Third. If you get caught crossing borders with Charles... shouldn't be a prob tho' I accidentally found some Honduran magic when I cleaned pack in Colombia...lol
Best Bike Modifications (Bike Bits)?
One piece of tie-wire, one set pliers attached to bike for later use.
What to see & do?
Duhh! R U kidding? Latin soap operas are to die for. Literally.
Will just any motorcycle photographer do?
Theybahve a moto that will take photos??? Has Japan invented that already? What WILL they think of next?
What route should we take?
Head south... (Be careful of the End Of the World tho, so you don't drop off)
What to take on the trip: Spare parts, equipment, gear, supplies?
A good strong Southern Accent, a bad haircut, spare underwear (Mum said always wear fresh undies in case you end up in hospital), a copy of your voting card PROVING you didn't vote for George W Battleprone, some Pesos.
Best videoing and filming strategy?
If its getting dull zoom into the winning applicant (see answers 1, 2, 3)
Is a Satellite phone really necessary?
Who you gonna call...(ain't 'fraid a no ghosts)... Ghost Busters!
Which shipping drop points for sending out film and getting new supplies?
Shipping Drop Points (or SDPs as they are referred to by my corpoarte denizens) have been proven to be myth made up by Gerge W to perpetuate the other myth that anyone CAN access the media to enforce their right to free speech. CIA Disinformation section invented this myth about a myth strategy in the 1960s.
What to eat and what to avoid?
Eat: Beans, Pan, fried meat and potatoes... there is nothing else.
Avoid: The beans, the pan, the meat and the potatoes.....Oh, and the police, and the robbers, and the right extremist paras, and the left extremist guerrillas, and the middle extremist conservative socialists.
What are the dangers: Diseases, sickness, accidents, theft?
The dangers... avoid these, all these and keep shooting your assistant, constantly, for the whole trip. Keep shooting her, and avoiding all the fun, danger and disease. E Business=porn, remember. Danger = adventure.
To Chase or not: Can the trip be successful without a chase vehicle?
If the vehicle tags you is it ur turn to chase? Is there a ball involved? How will you fill those long days along the Peruvian coastline without a bit of bumper tag?
Should a Life Purpose consultant be consulted?
What the fukkkkk is a Life Purpose Consusltant?
That sounds so cool. (not)
Will he have a life-profit based approach or a fairness and equity principle that should be adhered to for longer term life sustainability.

I know a GREAT Life Purpose Consultant that will find you anywhere you are in Central/Sth Am... his name is CHARLIE......
Fitness trainer real needed pre-trip?
Assuming LPC (above) will keep our mental fitness up to scratch, I am thinking RICHARD SIMMONS would be cool celebrity alternative to Ewan MGregor.

(That would honestly be really, really cool. I'm actually selling myself on this, Richie, in tights, on a bike, in the Heart Of Drakness Darien Gap)
Health, Digestion, & Diet Consultant: Hollywood hype?
Definitely, someone to tell you "eat more beans"? Perhaps Jamie Oliver? Richie Simmons and Jamie Oliver.. yeah, I'm feeling it man, I'm feeling it.
What to expect at Borders Crossings?
Expect to enter a new country, eat more beans, fart a little and move on to the next border crossing...

Cheers mate,
Good luck,
Thirty days.... ummm, perhaps a cooking show.



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  #78  
Old 12 Dec 2007
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Jeeze, you have way too much time on your hands Cpt Barb!
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  #79  
Old 12 Dec 2007
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Join Date: Feb 2002
Location: Dublin, Ireland
Posts: 48
Thumbs up Brilliant!

Quote:
Originally Posted by Cpt Barbarossa View Post
Maaaaate!
Long Way Round????? They should have called that "I'll take the high road". Jejeje

Two weeks ago I came home to find my Mum...etc., etc.
....
So... dude... standing around whining while your 10 wheel, All Wheel Drive trucks cross your bike for you? Hardly good TV. That wasn't riding mate, that was The Ewan McGregor Show. No more, no less.
Deadly story, boss! Makes me want to head out the door right now!
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  #80  
Old 12 Dec 2007
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Join Date: Feb 2002
Location: Dublin, Ireland
Posts: 48
Thumbs up More brilliance!

Quote:
Originally Posted by Cpt Barbarossa View Post
Answers to ALL the questions... And the winner is... (Please don't pick me)

What would the perfect Website include?
Girls, girls, girls....pornography is the highest grossing EBusiness in the world....etc.
LMAO!!
You sure you weren't suckin' down on a scoob while you posted that, Cpt.?!
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