What about your family and children?

[crazywife]

Hello to all of you,
I am new at this and I not even sure that I am posting at the right place.

I do have a question for all of the travelers around the world. I respect everything that you guys and gals do and I find it amazing that you can see the world on a motorcycle, however I am interested in knowing what do you do when there is a family involved and you have to choose between traveling the world or being with you family.? Would you leave your wife and child( 6 years old) so you can go traveling around the world? Do all of you have families or do all of you have children and you just left them. I know most of you travel with your wife/husband? Is it because you can not have children or is it because your children are grown up and can take care of themselves? I hope I am not insulting anyone with the above questions because that is not my goal.... I am very confused and I just need some answers from people who have your style of life.

Thank you for your understanding and I hope I will get answers.

Crazywife

[maria41]

For my husband and me, we decided not to have kids. So when we went travelling it was easy. We only had to find a house for our cat!

Of the travellers we met, most of them are in one of these 3 categories:

1 - the unattached ones with no family ties. Generally very young but not always
2 - Those who had kids and are travelling now that the kids are left the nest - generally they are in their late 40s, often retired early
3 - those in couple who decided to pass on having children...

For people with young children I guess they do shorter travels. However! We met lots of french and belgian families travelling with kids, sometime very young kids, in south america. They were travelling on mobile-homes. For those with kids of school age, the kids were studying at distance (easy to do in France via The CNED, contact with teachers is over the internet and mail) .

For info on studies at distance: check CNED= Centre National d'Etude a Distance - Possible up to Baccalaureat level I believe. Maybe there is something similar in the UK or some english language country?

[Simon Kennedy]

I'd echo that. Most overlanders don't have children. They tend to be 28-38 single males who have come into some money (IT professionals were pretty common on the road a few years back). There're lots of exceptions of course. That said, I honestly can't think of any RTW bikers I met who had children at home.

There were a few children in 4x4s. More common were familied guys doing a USA to Argentina type trip - an adventure of a few months rather than years.

All of this means nothing though - what is right for you and yours has no basis in precedent. None of us here is qualified able to offer advice on those sorts of choices; although plenty will give opinions of course .

Simon

[henryuk]

Another echo here. In addition to the categories mentioned by maria I would add 'lone wolf' - people who have taken to the road because their life was falling apart/failed marraiges etc. I would hazard a guess that if someone is leaving their wife and family to go overlanding then something was wrong anyway and they would be leaving for another reason if it wasn't going round the world. Sorry if this is reading between the lines too much.. Of course people vary massively from person to person and depending on the people involved it may be possible to have a family and go adventuring. I know several people who happily operate this arrangement but admittedly not for very long trips.

There is an expectation that people with families take less risks (remember the press backlash against Alison Hargreaves for 'abondoning' her children to take on K2?)

[Stretcher Monkey]

Almost everyone I have met on the road, and I include myself in this group, was "running away" from/to something. Usually lone males whose relationships have come to an end or failed to get off the ground in the first place. Crisis, like a wake-up call, prompts us to look at what we have and don't have, reasess values and look at what we can afford to lose set against the potential gain. You realise that you are sitting on assets that you will only continue to accumulate, that going to work everyday is a mug's game and that the significant other in your life, was actually holding you back from achieving true potential.

If one has been unwise enough to breed, however, then tough. Sorry, but your place is at home until they are old enough to fly the coop. Now is not the time to be off risking your life in strange lands.

Wouldn't this be best off in "Women's Topics" - Isn't that what it's for?

[Mike]

I started my trip aged 40, recently divorced and no children. Or to be more specific.. no relationship, no responsibilities, nowhere to live (we had to sell our flat..), solvent (... and then we split the proceeds), and, as luck would have it, my job coming to an end. So what was a sad time in my life became a fantastic opportunity.

But the split came first. Until the divorce, I had no expectation of travelling like this.. until we both retired.

Oh, and by the way, Stretcher Monkey..

Originally Posted by Stretcher Monkey

Wouldn't this be best off in "Women's Topics" - Isn't that what it's for?

.. err.. the last I saw, as many men have children as women ;-)

[Stretcher Monkey]

Originally Posted by Mike

Oh, and by the way, Stretcher Monkey..

.. err.. the last I saw, as many men have children as women ;-)

Mike,

This post is definitely coming from a woman, (not so crazy wife), and in IMHO it is very much a female perspective. In the real world how many women leave their children in the care of their confused husbands and bugger-off, rarely or never to be seen again? Not much, but does the reverse happen? ...f'sure! All the time.

[Mike]

All too true, Stretcher Monkey. Sad (IMHO) but true. But would you or I have spotted the question if it was posted in "Women's Topics"? I'm guessing that Crazywife is looking for answers from the men here as well as the women. And just as I never look at posts about 4WDs or BMWs, I don't look there either.

(Sorry for getting away from the original question.)

[crazywife]

Originally Posted by Mike

All too true, Stretcher Monkey. Sad (IMHO) but true. But would you or I have spotted the question if it was posted in "Women's Topics"? I'm guessing that Crazywife is looking for answers from the men here as well as the women. And just as I never look at posts about 4WDs or BMWs, I don't look there either.

(Sorry for getting away from the original question.)

Hello again,

Yes indeed I am a woman looking for answers from people who know better than I do. I am trying to figure out if the desire to travel can overcome the desire of having more children and if the one we have deserves to grow up without his dad who wants to travel around the world, and that may be one day we will join him.....unfortunately now it is not the time for us (our son and I), but as other people replied sometimes people are at such point in their life that they decide to leave evreything else behind and start a new life. This is valid for both my husband and I , so that is why I am looking for answers, hopefully that helps

crazywife

[teflon]

A shorter trip might be a good start and then see how it goes?

Just a thought.

[Wilky]

Thank you for your understanding and I hope I will get answers.

Crazywife[/quote]


Hi Crazywife. In a word, do it, ok so thats 2 words. Our kids are grown up so this makes it easy for us.
If you are happy to live a frugal and sometimes rough existence then I would say pack hubby, kidlet and yourself up in a 4wd (get a small trail bike to hang off the back) and go see the world. At 6 you can home educate on the road and what better school than what you will find when travelling. Don't let an "I can't do that" attitude get in your way. You can always go back home if you don't like it but if you don't try it you will never know.
Good luck.

Craig and Diney
Soon to be homeless vagabonds and can't wait.

[Xander]

My two pence,
If you are asking can the entire family go.. the answer is YES.. go like Wilky said.. your child will be the better off for it..The real education and experience he will receive will only have one negative side effect.. Travelling is addictive... As for schooling (I lecture in a university) a home school (HS) kid that has travelled and seen the world could not be worse then some of the students i have now...
(this could even be true if the child was educated by a couple of dyslexic/mute/deaf/illiterate/innumerate parents- not saying that your two are- just schools are not all that great these days.. ). In fact I have a couple of HSers and they are getting the top marks in the class. Now if you added in real world travel and these kids would be amazing.. (if anything they are a bit sheltered and shy.. but this is just this brother and sister pair, not necessarily HS's doing)

If however i am reading things right your husband wants to go off alone.. then bugger him.. it took two to make the child he HAS TO HELP. If the relationship is not working fine get a divorce but he still has to be around and give money.. you should not have to raise the child alone and support his travels.. that is just not right...
Kids are not a choice you can unmake.. so he is suck with his choice for an other 10-12 years... Sorry mate that is the way of it.. Going off travelling will make him a deadbeat dad.. his child will grow up not knowing him..

[MarkE]

Having played some part in creating two children I feel I owe it to them to be around and support them until I'm no longer needed. I am currently (probably over-) planning a trip we will undertake as a couple when our youngest leaves school.

We have thought about HS on the road, but both Mrs MarkE and I know a few forces brats and their experience meant we wanted our children to have a stable home life when they were young. Among those we know (perhaps not a representative sample) there are a lot of people who suffered from too many moves too young. Their schooling (in terms of exams passed) may not have been harmed, but some do show scars from not having had the chance to forge real friendships in schools. In these cases they were moved before they settled and made those friendships. We may be jumping to a false conclusion, but these are my children we're talking about here, and I'm not prepared to gamble.

In the meantime, both Mrs MarkE and I have made a few shorter trips, together and solo; grandparents are wonderful, then when the kids are older sleepovers are good; being such wonderfully well brought up kids (ahem) they were as reliable as any teenager, which meant we could leave them overnight sometimes. The elder has now left for university and, last time we left her sister alone we came back to find the house still standing after five days (far more sensible than her father then). I've got two more sets of exams to hold her hand through, then she too will leave, and we can take off for a few months trip.