Manipulation by threat, avoidance, or withdrawal is one sure sign that the relationship is in trouble already. It is blackmail. Here is where it gets downright gritty. I am not young. I have grandchildren nearly your age. You only have one life and that should not be lived in fear of making someone angry or irritated. It should not be lived to satisfy the threats or blackmail of someone else. Harsh? Darned right. I have been married five times. Each time the ex threatened to leave if I didn't 1. quit riding. 2. give up tobacco (I did 30 years later) 3. quit planning on traveling the world 4. give up extreme skiing 5. give up skydiving-----note that nothing I did except for the tobacco was by itself injurious. When they told me they would leave I always asked them how much they expected to get out of the divorce.

"If you loved me, you would not do this." I replied. If I didn't love you I would have already ended the marriage because I don't like being blackmailed or manipulated.

One life. You choose. A girlfriend who has already exhibited controlling tendencies, or a great life memory wandering the world and in all likelihood, meeting some beautiful mind who wants nothing more than to share the joy. walk away now. It is not worth surrendering.

Interesting thread…. Not sure who wrote this, maybe Jean Cocteau? "L'amour, ce nest pas de se regarder dans les yeux, c'est de regarder ensemble vers la meme direction" which roughly translate as "love is not about gazing into each other eyes, it's about watching together to (toward?) the same direction", seems to me that you and your G/F may have completely different goals/objectives/dreams in life. If she dreams of mortgage/career/babies while you dream of working on and off and travelling… you have a "situation". Anyway, personally I will never let anyone, ever, dictate what I should or shouldn't do with my life; or do what is expected of me because of social pressure. It happened in the past and made my life hell.
One piece of advice is "be careful". I had many girl friends in the past who got "accidentally " pregnant by their boyfriends so that they could catch him. Men can be so naïve sometimes! Considering your G/F seems a bit controlling she might consider this "trick"!
And for the record I am very happily married and been together for >10yrs. We've always supported each other in any new wacky plan or idea that we may have, no matter how weird it was. He likes skiing, I like horse riding. He goes off skiing once a year with his mates and I go riding. So far I am the one ending up many (many") time in casualty after a horse riding accident!
Enjoy your life!

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Maria

www.franglais-riders.com

I am always surprised to see people having the same problem like you do. I started riding as a kid and convincing my parents was not easy but as an adult you should not have to convince anyone, if you are safe and let people know about it they will trust your judgement and even if riding a bike seems dangerous they will know that you are able to pursue your dream and be safe. We are educating our kids to be afraid of everything (activity, stranger, other countrie ,religion...) when in reality there is not much to be afraid of , the motorcycle community is a like a brotherhood we share the same pleasure in been free and it is a great feel to explay it to others. I sometime wonder why people like us riders wave at each other or stop to meet or help and the rest of the people just live in fear and hate, maybe everybody should be on bike?

Hendi

If Simon Pavey is still doing the courses in Wales (he might be in Queensland at the moment, not sure). Say hello from John Rigoni, Kevin and Steve from Caringbah Motorcycles in Sydney.
You won't find a better, more entusiastic instructor than Simon, he's been riding all his life and never had a real job unless bikes were somehow involved!

Re: Bike safety...how come no one ever refuses to get in a car?
Everyone knows someone who's been killed in a car smash, yet friends and relatives drive to the funeral...weird.

Good luck in wales, hope it's sunny and dry for you.

Hmmm riding at 50mph for 7000 hours equals 350,000 miles... Who here has done that mileage without falling off?

On my R80 55,000 miles and my R100R 215,000 I have dropped the bike 5 times at a stop in my garage and parking lots.
Thats 270,000 miles without an accident (I must have dropped the bikes on purpose).

I've got over 300,000 kilometers on my BMW R 650LS, I've never dropped it.

I only expect to drop dirt bikes when I'm howling along forest tracks.

I think the last time I dropped a road bike was back in the early 80's.
Let the clutch out too fast on a loose gravel surface and the bike slid out from under me. I was in my mates driveway at the time.

And no one will accuse me of being a slow rider either. Especially not the NSW Highway Patrol.

I've probably done a million kilometers I assume, been riding since 1978.
Did not have a car for over 20 years. Don't have or want a car now either.

I know several other people who have never dropped a road bike at all.

We could also break dropping down into...it falls over in the garage or slips on a loose surface...or you have an on road accident, regardless of who is at fault.

A woman knocked me off my bike in my first three months of riding, way back in 78...I was actually going too slow, if I had been roaring around like I normally do she would have missed me completly.

Some blokes say to me...everyone has dropped their bike...to which I reply really? Then point out people I know who have not.
Then they be-little them with comments like they don't ride it enough, or fast enough, etc etc.
Makes them feel better inside I guess. Tossers.

I can't see the point about the discussion if you have ever dropped your bike or not...that has nothing to do with how you ride, you do have to pay a lot of attention when riding, but that's the same when you're driving a car. Actually riding a bike made me a better driver, as I'm always aware of what's around.

I've had two accidents in 6 years as a rider (broken hip and ankle), one wasn't my fault at all and the other one I could've avoided if I wasn't too lazy, but did they make stop riding? No, just made me more cautious, and the important bit is that both accidents were in Brazil and on my first year riding (18yrs old by the time).

We do have to understand that IT IS dangerous to ride a m'bike, but so is to drive a car, and what others have to understand is that we take the risk BUT we do take care. And I totally agree with what Hindu1936 said about manipulation and luckly I've never had that problem with my G/F, but did with my mum (mind you, I can't just get rid of her ), so I had to explain everything to her and now she understands and even supports me!

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www.mfnaeuropa.blogspot.com

I know this has been said before and I realize you have probably taken this advice already, but DON'T LET OTHER PEOPLE TELL YOU HOW TO LIVE YOUR LIFE! You only get one chance down here (that is if you're not a buddhist of course) and if you don't live your dream you'll end up old and unhappy. That said, you have made the right decision. Get your license, get your bike and keep the rubber side down. Not all accidents are avoidable but most are if you refrain from switching the on/off switch on your brains to the 'off' position every time you drive your bike (or car). I know some people who I can tell for sure will get seriously injured or killed on their bikes because they drive like shit. I know some people who will some day kill or injure somebody else while driving their car because they do frequently make use of said on/off switch and drive even worse than shit. But as a biker you will learn to 'read' traffic, to know what is going to happen next, to sense whether that car in front of you is going to do something stupid or not. This does not come overnight, you will need lots of experience but if you take it slow you will gain experience with every driven mile.

I've been driving for seven years now, usually ~10,000-15,000 km per year and have had one single accident in my early days that today I would have been able to avoid - soccer mum ignored my right of way (she was coming out of a tiny street onto a big, three lane road) and I crashed into her. Ever since I have always kept at least half an eye on the side roads and have been able to avoid similar accidents several times during the last few years. This is what I meant by 'reading' traffic, by getting a sixth sense while driving. Luckily enough my dad is also riding and has been for over 35 years now - and has also only had one accident so far which was unavoidable (slippery road) and nothing happened to him. He totalled his bike (in a fit of overzealous self-assessment his bike decided to dare the oncoming traffic on the left hand side of the road instead of the grassy field on the right hand side) but was not injured himself at all. And due to this background my dad even supported me when I told him I wanted to get my license, mom wasn't too happy about it at first but she has gotten used to the fact that neither my dad, nor my brother, nor myself have ever had an itch to end up fragmented into several pieces of human being on the side of the road - she has realized that we're very cautious and safe on our bikes and even joins us every now and then.

So much for the family side. On the other side I have a few friends who are worried sick everytime they realize I'm riding a bike. I have gotten the usual arguments already listed above and have gotten sick of repeating the same answers over and over again. They seem to know some crazy f....ers on racebikes who manage to squeeze out more than 300 km/h on the Autobahns and are proud of it whereas I keep telling them that I do not have that kind of suicidal drive but prefer to go slower than I would have to.
And here's I think the biggest misconception out there. When was the last time you read a story in your local newspaper or magazine about travellers on motorcycles going slow, being safe and travelling long distance? And when was the last time you read a story in your local newspaper or magazine about a moron who killed himself (and/or others) on his 180+ hp bike trying to be faster than superman himself? Think about it.

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"Life is not a journey to the grave with the intention of arriving safely in one pretty and well preserved piece, but to skid across the line broadside, thoroughly used up, worn out, leaking oil, shouting GERONIMO!"

If she's so dead set against bikes, she's not going to be interested in checking out a CBT-type class.
I say go ahead and take the course. If she gives you a hassle over it, is she really someone you want to spend the rest of your life with? This time it'll be getting a bike, but it won't be long before she'll be laying down the law over something else...

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Bruce Clarke - 2020 Yamaha XV250

I´ve been riding every year of my life since I started out on a Honda PW50 when I was 5. Now that adds up to 17 years, so I usually encounter very little resistance, mostly people just tell me to be careful... but where´s the fun in that? For this reason, I never had to worry about family (my parents were the ones who put me on a bike to begin with), friends or partners holding me back.

Sure it´s dangerous, but LIFE is dangerous. There´s the saying "better to be safe than sorry", but if I stopped riding, my sorrow would far outweigh my safety.

It sounds to me like you need to get your priorities straight bud.
If the girl says no, then you gotta go!
You can always get a new one...

Cheers!

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"They Shall Know Our Velocity"

Not only was my wife against me getting a bike, but the in-laws weren't too keen on the idea either. I convinced my wife to ride 2 up after about 3 months. She never looked back and has now been riding her own for about 5 years. He Mom & Dad are proud of her doing it and her Dad finally confessed that he used to ride an old Royal Enfield back in the day in England. he crashed and was afraid to get back on, but he knows what his little girl is capable of. But she's still his little girl and will always be a little apprehensive about her riding.
She took the MSF course at the University of Guelph so her Mom & Dad are OK with it now.

Me. (hmmmmm............."Too few characters for my message to be accepted)
How's that???

individual choice pure and simple...with every gem comes a curse.

I started bending pipe and brazing/welding frames together around the age of 10 or so powered by lawn mower engines...and Thoreau tells the tale of who's more likely to cut themselves with a knife...the one gifted with one, or the one who mines the ore, smelts, casts, sharpens and made his own.

then we drifted thru all the incarnations of motorcycles since the mid 1960s. dirt probably taught the most about reflexes and off camber acrobatics. I got to the point where motorcycles were as close as breathing in and out...and made the folly of thinking I was too good at it to ever get in trouble...one night in the rain when even the tractor trailers were pulled over, I was riding on thru. arrogant maybe, but just supremely confident.

then at age 50 on a brand new BMW RT with killer brakes, I hit a deer that came out of nowhere. an eye opener...I learned all the skill in the world is no defense against the statistics...I still ride lots, but it left me in constant chronic pain with a bent back and I move much slower because I never ever ever ever want to hit another one of those bastages...doctors are useless and there's apparently no fix for me...just one of those things you have to "live with". I'll be 55 next June and every day (without fail) since the deer has been tricky. I won't preach, but you will hear my voice as long as I have a heartbeat...like it or not.

folk's fears are founded and can't be dismissed out of hand by any thinking person...just as bull headedness can't be relied on as ability. the truth always lies somewhere in the middle.

you make your choice... just be fully aware I was a master of the craft and got humbled...so with the choice comes the possibility of the heavy negative...and experience nor skill is a defense...lots of "masters" get humbled.

as long as you accept that with maturity, you make your choice.
those people "against" have as much of a point as all of us "for".

even with the limp and shuffle, I'm "for"...but less naive.
there is also the possibility of sailing thru unscathed...but that hasn't been my personal experience.

my only advice is learn ALL the nuts stuff in dirt first where it doesn't hurt as much, then ride well within your ability around other people.

what's the saying?

there are bold pilots,
and there are old pilots
but there are no bold old pilots.