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  #1  
Old 20 Feb 2009
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Overheard

I have to share the conversation I overheard in the staff cafeteria today. Two people sat down to eat, one had fish and chips. The other said (I'm not making this up):

A) Is that haddock?

B) What?

A) Is that haddock?

B) What? What do you mean?

A) What kind of fish is that?

B) Oh! It's just fish. Like from the fish and chip shop. You know, "Fish and Chips"?

A) Yes, but they have "cod and chips" or "haddock and chips".

B) Oh, I never have anything like that, I always just get fish.

A) Right. I think that's probably haddock.

B) What? Ew!! I'm not eating this! I wanted fish!

Me)
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  #2  
Old 20 Feb 2009
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Are you going to tell us where you work? I'm sort of hopeful it's not somewhere doing brain surgery, atomic weapons research, developing the new BMW drive spline, that sort of thing

Andy
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  #3  
Old 21 Feb 2009
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Threewheelbonnie View Post
Are you going to tell us where you work? I'm sort of hopeful it's not somewhere doing brain surgery, atomic weapons research, developing the new BMW drive spline, that sort of thing

Andy
The guy ordering fish definately helps to build BMW shaft splines and rear bearings
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Old 21 Feb 2009
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I love snippets of real conversations like that!
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  #5  
Old 21 Feb 2009
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Quality!!

Absolutely classic. What do you think they did for those first 16 compulsory years in school??
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  #6  
Old 21 Feb 2009
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Confession!

I have a confession. Me and the good lady were at a french restaurant the other night and the following conversation took place:

Me: (on returning from the lavvy) "You should see some of the champagne bottles they've got by the the bar. They're massive."

Marie: "Really?"

Me: "Yes, they must be three feet tall!"

Marie: "Are you sure they're not faux?"

Me: "They must be. They've still got the corks in."

Matt
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  #7  
Old 22 Feb 2009
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My mate picked up one of the free maps at the entrance to Alton Towers. Started looking through it while walking through the crowds into the park, stopped and shouted over to us...

"What kind of stupid map is this? There's no "You Are Here" sign".

Quickly followed by, "S**t, I don't believe I just said that".
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Old 22 Feb 2009
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Overheard in local Maccy D's

"If i put this turbo badge onto to the back of your Corsa, you'll get better airflow into your engine and go faster"

reply

"What about the insurance though? I won't be able to afford it!"



Andy
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  #9  
Old 22 Feb 2009
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Back when I was a student, I was in Windsor for the day, around Christmas time.

Whilst looking at the crimbo light and santas in a shop window, a nearby elderly transatlantic tourist said to her spouse...

"Look, honey, they have Christmas her too...!"

I was somewhat nonplussed.. (and, no, I was not the "honey" in question)
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  #10  
Old 2 Mar 2009
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I work with inner city Scouse kids who we take on holidays out of the city. We have an entire collection of gems from them, but one of them did ask last summer, as she ate her fish and chips, "What exactly is fish?"
We were a bit baffled as to how to explain the bleeding obvious, came up with, "They're animals that swim in the sea, and you kill them and eat them". Which prompted much disgust but didn't stop her eating it, so I'm not sure she believed us...

Laura
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  #11  
Old 2 Mar 2009
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Laura Bennitt View Post
I work with inner city Scouse kids who we take on holidays out of the city. We have an entire collection of gems from them, but one of them did ask last summer, as she ate her fish and chips, "What exactly is fish?"
We were a bit baffled as to how to explain the bleeding obvious, came up with, "They're animals that swim in the sea, and you kill them and eat them". Which prompted much disgust but didn't stop her eating it, so I'm not sure she believed us...

Laura
You should hear about the things the fish get up to in the sea, yuk

My best one from work was a mechanic who asked to describe a brake valve he needed technical info on said "It's black or maybe silver and has some hose things sticking out, or maybe they're wires". I think I might have suggested that those were made by our competitors and he should ring them, but I'm bad like that. . I did note which dealer network he worked for though.

Andy
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  #12  
Old 2 Mar 2009
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Speaking of elderly transatlantic tourists in Windsor, one was allegedly heard to say, as a fully loaded Jumbo Jet took off from Heathrow and groaned slowly over Windsor Castle:

"Jeeez, why on earth did the Queen build this place under the flight path!"

Also went in a fantastic old Gales pub in Surrey once that had hundreds of clay pipes hanging from the ceiling, many original oak beams and the Lager pump hidden under a curtain.

The two old brothers who owned it were always out to tease the tourists and had a selection of very realistic skulls sitting behind the bar and I couldn't help myself from falling into the trap and casually asked if they were real.

One of the old geezers said, well as your with Rob, (it was his local), I'll tell you what we do. When a party of tourists come in, he says it works best on the Americans, as they always ask about the skulls, so we tell em and the best one went something like this when a party of 20 came in and the ring leader asked the expected question:

"Hey, Barman, why have you got all those old skulls at the back of the bar?"

To which he replied " Ah the skulls, we have been most fortunate to have procured them over many years and they are all original and we are very proud of our collection"

"Well do you know who they were?" asks the tourist, on behalf of the now spellbound group.

"Oh, see that one at the back, that was Dickens"

" What Charles Dickens, the author?"

"Yes, that's the one"

"That's awesome, who is the one next to it?

" Oh that's Dick Turpin and that's his hat behind him"

"Oh My God Mrytle, did you hear that, it's Dick Turpin and his hat"

And so it goes on until the last two skulls, of which one is smaller then the other.

"Wow, that's amazing, to think that we have just seen Shakespeare's skull. Tell me Barman, what's the story about those two? " he asks.

"Well, the big one is Nelson's skull, which was detatched and stored in a small barrel of rum, just after the Battle of Trafalgar"

With this, the tourists are at fever pitch and can't believe that there is so much history and are all so glad they were bought into this amazing old pub, but all are keenly looking at the smaller and last skull in the collection.

"Well, don't keep us all in suspense, whose is the small skull next to Nelson's skull?"

Oh, it's still him, that was Nelson when he was a boy!"

After a few minutes of total confusion, he looked the Barman right in the eyes and said:

"Oh, get out of here, you're just kidding, right?" and then the whole place collapses into uncontrolable laughter, as all the locals are listening in.

Wish I'd been there that night. Funny!

Cheers


Chris
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  #13  
Old 2 Mar 2009
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Was it?

Well don't keep us on tenter hooks. Was it or not? Linzi.
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  #14  
Old 3 Mar 2009
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I see no ships!

Hi Linzi

It was his, the giveaway being the eyepatch and smell of rum!

Hoping to get to Brighton meet, so I can put a face to a name. Catch up soon.

Cheers

Chris
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