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  #1  
Old 8 Feb 2008
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Mystery of the Bent Spoons...(Story for the Camp Fire)

How I became a biker girl...


At the age of six, I was preoccupied with trying to figure out why all
the spoons in our house, had mysterious bends and kinks in the
handles.

Ofcourse, being six, it didn't occur to me to ask someone - instead I
spent many hours cogitating the strange phenomenon, and came up
up with a deeply plausible explanation:

God knew I had been eating green peaches off the tree, and this was
a sign from Him that I had better stop, or my insides will be twisted
and bent;



My most overwhelming suspicion, however, was that it had
something to do with... my brothers.

For a time, I thought that perhaps only I could see the bendy spoons -
since my mum and brothers would sit around the table, spooning
their porridge into their mouths, handles askew, as if nothing was
amiss.

As far as I was concerned, our household was full of mysterious
phenomena: my brothers told me that the garage was off limits,
because they were experimenting with radio-active materials that
would melt my teeth out of my mouth if I came near it.

The thought of my teeth slowly dripping down my chin in a sticky
white, snotty fashion, was enough to keep my mind from even
contemplating how THEIR teeth were safe.


It was only after a couple of years, that my curiosity and growing
distrust of my brothers gave me enough courage to enter the
'forbidden domain':

After careful planning, I decided on a strategy involving several short
recce missions into the hallowed ground. In particular on Saturdays,
when my brothers would disappear in the early morning and not
return for hours.

I also took out some insurance via my nightly prayers, reasoning with
God that IF my suspicions were right, and my brothers were
conducting Satan's business behind the roll-up doors, I could report
on it and thereby ensure a more righteous world for all.


***


I crawled through the gap in the roll-up door for the first time - and
my life has never been the same...

Nothing I could ever have imagined, could
prepare me for what lay between those four walls:
Motorcycles in various stages of decay/rebirth loomed in the darkness
- handlebars like huge antelope horns, menacingly gleaming in the
dim light.

Every breath of space was heaving with amazing and magical things:
grotesque complicated tools and shiny spanners and tubes of vile
liquid and ice cream tubs full of hundreds and thousands of bolts and
nuts and screws and washers...and my mum's missing cooking pot full
of thick, black oil.

And bent spoons everywhere.

The air was thick with an intoxicating mix of grease and rubber and
petrol and breathing deeply, suddenly it came to me:

My brothers are gods!

This is their palace, and all these godly things are theirs and they
know how to use all the magnificent magic potions and where every
one of those hundreds of bolts go...and they were the Benders of
Spoons, because they could fix motorcycles and resurrect them from
the dead and ride them.

From that moment, I was ready to do whatever rites of passage it
took, to raise up the ranks until I was legally allowed in their 'inner
sanctum'.

Well, that was how I imagined it would be...


Reality turned out to be slightly less heroic:

"If you don't LET ME IN, I AM GOING TO TELL MUM ABOUT THE SPOONS AND HER BRAND NEW TEFLON SAUCEPAN that you've S T O L E N !!"


***

Worked a treat!
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  #2  
Old 8 Feb 2008
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Good story IMPASTO, from an eary age my father told me stories of his travels on his Matchless 500 twin and I grew up expecting to have a bike but then his best friends son went out on his birthday bike and killed himself - no bike for me - and i've wanted one ever sinse. Stuck in 4x4 world now but I will get one, I spend too much time on this board not to.

Here's one of my favourite songs

YouTube - Richard Thompson - 1952 Vincent Black Lightning - Seattle 90

Chris
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there I go again
not too hard really
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  #3  
Old 8 Feb 2008
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Cheers Mardi

Nice one Mardi!

The Polar Bear.......
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  #4  
Old 8 Feb 2008
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That will not do!!

Hey Chris --

Thats just about the tragicest tragedy I've heard all day!

You're living in the countryside -- the best place to be biking - whatsamaddawitya??


4x4 travel is great - there are times when a bike just wont do (not often, admittedly)... nothing like cracking open an icy Savannah from the fully equipped fridge, whilst you watch the sun set over the desert... and those lovely soft mattresses in the roof tents... hmmmm.

But riding a bike... its like living a grand adventure EVERY DAY! Just going to the shop, becomes an opportunity to GRIN YOURSELF SENSELESS.

You don't HAVE to go on epic adventures wtih a bike... just get one for 'hopping round in' -- and before you know it, it will take over and lead you to all sorts of happy places!!

GET IT TODAY!
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  #5  
Old 8 Feb 2008
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Quote:
Originally Posted by impasto View Post
Hey Chris --

Thats just about the tragicest tragedy I've heard all day!

You're living in the countryside -- the best place to be biking - whatsamaddawitya??


4x4 travel is great - there are times when a bike just wont do (not often, admittedly)... nothing like cracking open an icy Savannah from the fully equipped fridge, whilst you watch the sun set over the desert... and those lovely soft mattresses in the roof tents... hmmmm.

But riding a bike... its like living a grand adventure EVERY DAY! Just going to the shop, becomes an opportunity to GRIN YOURSELF SENSELESS.

You don't HAVE to go on epic adventures wtih a bike... just get one for 'hopping round in' -- and before you know it, it will take over and lead you to all sorts of happy places!!

GET IT TODAY!
Impasto,
I owe you a big thankyou. I used to be in the same business as you and while looking at your web site you reminded me of some one I was at college with (a missed opportunity if you will) , so I googled and set off a lovely set coincidences - you might even know her.

Re: bike story - these things happen.

Living the adventure:- well I do that with the 4x4. I get to travel around a lot with my job ( clients all over the country) so lots of wild camping in scotland etc. and I camp at least once a week - very easy round here. I think that once you have travelled you never actually settle back in, at least I haven't.
I will get a bike soon and I do envy the simple freedom - I suppose I know it will take over but just have to wait a couple of years.

Once again thanks for a good day
Chris
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"Never have a stupid argument with an idiot - he gets a lot more practice than you"
there I go again
not too hard really

Last edited by silver G; 8 Feb 2008 at 19:55. Reason: poor spelling
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  #6  
Old 10 Feb 2008
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Bikes have that effect!

"...and set off a lovely set coincidences..."

See, just talking about bikes gets the magic going! lol!

"....and I camp at least once a week..."

What SORT of camping??? Is there ANYONE in the UK that camps??

After a year in the UK, I was absolutely CRAVING camping - so I got my tent and set off to Cornwall (everyone told me the best place to go)...

I thought I had stepped through the looking glass!

The signs SAID camp site -- but in actual fact, it was.. la-la-land! Green, clipped lawns with little squares, demarkating each pitch. Tarred paths to the toilets & shops...

I left to find another - and they were all the same....??


What the heck??
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Old 10 Feb 2008
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Quote:
Originally Posted by impasto View Post
"...and set off a lovely set coincidences..."

See, just talking about bikes gets the magic going! lol!

"....and I camp at least once a week..."

What SORT of camping??? Is there ANYONE in the UK that camps??

After a year in the UK, I was absolutely CRAVING camping - so I got my tent and set off to Cornwall (everyone told me the best place to go)...

I thought I had stepped through the looking glass!

The signs SAID camp site -- but in actual fact, it was.. la-la-land! Green, clipped lawns with little squares, demarkating each pitch. Tarred paths to the toilets & shops...

I left to find another - and they were all the same....??


What the heck??
I'm lucky in that I have a roof tent so I can just find a quiet spot and it's easy. I live in a village called Dent, which is on the edge of the yorkshire dales and there are countless places to camp wild - haven't used a site in years. Scotland is very easy. If somewhere else I just find a quiet country road, arriving late and leaving early, don't block gateways - never had any trouble and some nice conversions with local folk who are just interested to meet a stranger. Sometimes it's worth asking at a farm if you can pitch in a field- you might end up giving the farmer a fiver but thats not much for peace and quiet and a good view.
The south east seems to be the hardest place to wild camp but it is possible. I noticed on advrider there was a list of people who had a lawn/garden/field that traveling bikers could use - some were in the UK - fantastic idea, if anyone is up this way send me a pm and I can point you to a few wild camping places.
Don't give up on camping - it keeps me sane inbetween the trips.

Chris
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"Never have a stupid argument with an idiot - he gets a lot more practice than you"
there I go again
not too hard really
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  #8  
Old 12 Feb 2008
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This is one of my favourite camping spots at 5.15pm today
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"Never have a stupid argument with an idiot - he gets a lot more practice than you"
there I go again
not too hard really
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  #9  
Old 14 Feb 2008
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I'm SMITTEN!

OMG! That is unbelievable!

Despite my experiences, it seems that there IS a 'wild' side to the UK... I just haven't been looking in the right place!

I can see why you can survive without a bike!

I wouldn't want you to reveal the spot - because the last thing you need is for it to be inundated with noisy bikers like me!



But if I promise to push my bike the last mile there, and back - would you tell?
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  #10  
Old 14 Feb 2008
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Nice story impasto, My garage wasnt as much fun but I did spend many a dream time sat on my Dads 250 Superdream going about 500mph while not actually moving.

Doesnt that photo just make you want to drop everything and get out there and live.

I was up in the peaks a couple of weeks back and had a great night out wild camping near the top of Ladybower. There are some great wild camps to be had in the UK, sometimes closer to home than you think.

just go into one of the big parks in London and pitch up for a night under the stars. just watch out for them Deers !
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  #11  
Old 15 Feb 2008
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A Garage - or a Temple...

Quote:
Originally Posted by stuxtttr View Post
Nice story impasto, My garage wasnt as much fun...
Lol!

My brother's garage is still a magical domain, even today!

You simply will NOT believe anything like it exists! Still a bike enthusiast, he now ALSO builds and races Alfa Romeo's...

He had a QUADRUPLE garage built WITH a large STORAGE ROOM ANNEXED, when he got married (15 yrs ago) - and yet, his wife's BRAND NEW Audi and his 4x4, has always slept outside, because...

The ENTIRE space, is completely HEAVING... with... OMG!.. EVERYTHING right up to the RAFTERS... and not a THING is in a box...total (perceived) CHAOS...

He even now, emerges from the depths of it regularly, with some sort of miracle having been performed: an extra few (impossible!) bhp cajoled out of his race car... or an old Plymouth, lovingly restored....

Now, if I can only smuggle our XTs in there.. .who KNOWS what will come out the other end... lol!
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Old 16 Feb 2008
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you gotta GET them there......

Quote:
Originally Posted by impasto View Post
Lol!


Now, if I can only smuggle our XTs in there.. .who KNOWS what will come out the other end... lol!

First you gottaa GET them there Mardi!.... when Gigi stops worrying about inflateable leathers n Mascara n 1Vjs blowing up ( Oh n passes her test!) and Drum brakes etc etc etc etc then maybe, just maybe, yer Brother Sieg can get the Spanners on em!
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