Unlikely to be your 'ex', Loxsmith, unless you consider him to be an ‘urban legend’. That one’s got a bit of history to it.
Stephan

A mechanic was removing a cylinder head from the motor of a Harley motorcycle when he spotted a well-known heart surgeon in his shop. The surgeon was there waiting for the service manager to come take a look at his bike when the mechanic shouted across the garage, "Hey Doc, can I ask you a question?"
The surgeon, a bit surprised, walked over to where the mechanic was working on the motorcycle. The mechanic straightened up, wiped his hands on a rag and asked, "So Doc, look at this engine. I open its heart, take the valves out, repair any damage, and then put them back in, and when I finish, it works just like new. So how come I get such a small salary and you get the really big bucks, when you and I are doing basically the same work?"
The surgeon paused, smiled and leaned over, and whispered to the mechanic... "Try doing it with the engine running"

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Feb 2014, currently travelling the America's on a Tiger 800XC

Live every day like it's your last, one day you'll get it right!!!

Confucious say...man who ride mis-firing Triumph twin,thank his lucky stars he not riding BSA thumper.

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Just going for a short ride on my bike....

A man appeared before St. Peter at the pearly gates.

"Have you ever done anything of particular merit?" St. Peter asked.

"Well, I can think of one thing," the man offered. "Once, on a trip to
the Black Hills out in South Dakota, I came upon a gang of
high-testosterone bikers, who were threatening a young woman.
I directed them to leave her alone, but they wouldn't listen.
So, I approached the largest and most heavily tattooed biker and smacked him on the head, kicked his bike over, ripped out his nose ring and threw it on the ground. I yelled, "Now, back off biker boy or you'll answer to me!" "

St. Peter was impressed. "When did this happen?"

"Just a couple minutes ago."

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Feb 2014, currently travelling the America's on a Tiger 800XC

Live every day like it's your last, one day you'll get it right!!!

A shy biker was slow dancing with a girl at a nightclub, stumped for something to say he blurted "you smell nice , what perfume you wearing?" she replied "Chanel No5". after a couple more minutes on the dance floor she returned the compliment and said " you also smell nice, what have you got on?" to which he replied "well I've got a HARD-ON but I didn't think you could smell it!"

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'He who laughs last, was too slow to get the joke'
Never confuse the map with the journey.

Not adv type bikes but amusing all the same !

What Your Motorcycle Says About You!!

No. Motorcycle of Choice ------Your Psychoanalysis!! :-)
1 Ducati 916 SPS monoposto: ----------My wife is having an affair with her tennis coach.
2 Honda ST1100:--------- I really do understand the stock market.
3 1967 Triumph T120 Bonneville ----------If I'd had this bike instead of a Cushman Eagle when I lived at the fraternity house in 1965, I might now be married to a former cheerleader named Veronica.
4 Harley-Davidson XR1000 ---------All my left shoes are made of steel, and all my motorcycle boots have laces.
5 Yamaha TZ250 ---------My other bike is a van.
6 Brough Superior SS100 ----------My mother was an Episcopalian.
7 Moto Guzzi Eldorado ----------If I'd wanted a Harley, I'd have bought a Harley. But I didn't, and I didn't.
8 Honda GL1500 Gold Wing Aspencade ----------The wife and I both feel that donuts are an unfairly maligned and under-appreciated source of protein and minerals.
9 BMW R1100RT ----------The sound system on my bike is permanently tuned to Public Radio, but when I play it too loud I can't hear the cell phone.
10 Velocette Thruxton ---------I have a professional-quality dartboard in our basement rec room, next to the real ale tapper on the wet bar.
11 Yamaha V-Max --------I am the only mechanical engineer in our office with a Mohawk hair cut.
12 Ural Tourist ---------My Yugo is waiting for parts.
13 India Enfield Bullet --------My 1965 short-wheelbase Land Rover is waiting for parts. [how did he know this ?]
14 Triumph Speed Triple ------I'm not waiting for any parts. Ever again.
15 Honda Elite 80 ---------My mom is knitting me a warmer scarf for going to class.
16 Vincent Series C Black Shadow-------- If you need to borrow any books or videos on the Battle of Britain, the life of Winston Churchill or Gordon's defense of t Khartoum, I have an extensive library.
17 Honda CBX --------I can pronounce both "Soichiro" and "Irimagiri" correctly. Also I own many valve shims.
18 Suzuki TL1000R -----Desmo Shcmezmo: I just wanna ride.
19 MV Agusta 750S -------Our firstborn son is the only Ago Schmiddlekopf in the Milwaukee phone book.
20 Kawasaki ZX-11 ------I am on my way to our insurance agent's office for a personal conference, during which I will explain everything.
21 Honda 400F ----------My husband thinks I believe he bought this bike just for me.
22 Suzuki GSX1300R Hayabusa -------The Honda CBR1100XX was making me late for work.
23 Triumph Trophy TR6-C -------I have seen "The Great Escape", starring Steve McQueen 27 times. And so have my two remaining friends.
24 Munch Mammoth ---------I have been fighting a lifelong, losing battle with the Dark Side.
25 Honda CBR600F2 ----------My older brother is in the Air Force.
26 Pope 998 V-Twin ----------I am on my way to the annual stationary steam engine and vintage farm implement meet.
27 Norton 750 Atlas ------I tried smooth and found it overrated.
28 Harley-Davidson WLA 45 Flathead ---------I am saving for a Stearman.
29 1942 BMW R75 ----------I show the Luger collection only to a few close friends who know how to handle them without leaving acidic or salty fingerprints
30 Harley FX Super Glide "Night Train": ------There are only six things in my refrigerator, and they are all .
31 Henderson Four -----------My grandson thinks these computers are quite the coming thing, apparently.
32 Yamaha R1 -------My hair is not actually on fire, it's just a figure of speech.
33 Maico 360 X4-------- Since the bypass surgery, my dirt riding and energy level have improved tremendously.
34 Bimota DB3Mantra-------- Ducatis are all very well, but I don't find them quite Italian enough.
35 Moto Guzzi Centauro -----------Sometimes I misspell the word "eccentric" on purpose, just to be different.
36 Whizzer/Schwinn Phantom: --------I still own my first baseball glove, Warren Spahn-autograph model.
37 Boss Hoss V8 --------I can curl more weight with one arm than you can move on a refrigerator dolly.
38 MV Agusta F4 Oro ---------My wife is spending exactly $37,000 on our kitchen, just as soon as she can find a contractor.
39 Honda Valkyrie I tried vibration and lassitude and found them overrated.
40 Harley-Davidson 883 Sportster ----------I am on my way to the Harley shop to purchase a larger set of pistons.
41 Buell Thunderbolt -------This big air-cleaner housing is coming right off, just as soon as I can get home to my toolbox.
42 Honda CL77 305 Scrambler ---------My high school letter jacket still fits. More or less.

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Blessed are the cracked, for they let in the light. - Spike Milligan
"When you come to a fork in the road ,take it ! When you come to a spoon in the road ,take that also ."

Three New Zealanders and three Aussies are travelling by train to a cricket match at the World Cup in England. At the station, the three Kiwis each buy a ticket and watch as the three Aussies buy just one ticket between them.

"How are the three of you going to travel on only one ticket?" asks one of the Kiwis.

"Watch and learn," answers one of the Aussies.

They all board the train.

The Kiwis take their respective seats but all three Aussies cram into a toilet and close the door behind them.

Shortly after the train has departed, the conductor comes around collecting tickets.

He knocks on the toilet door and says, "Ticket please." The door opens just a crack and a single arm emerges with a ticket in hand.

The conductor takes it and moves on.

The Kiwis see this and agree it was quite a clever idea.

So after the game, they decide to copy the Aussies on the return trip and save some money (being clever with money, and all that).

When they get to the station, they buy a single ticket for the return trip. To their astonishment, the Aussies don't buy a ticket at all!!

"How are you going to travel without a ticket?" says one perplexed Kiwi.

"Watch and learn," answers an Aussie.

When they board the train the three Kiwis cram into a toilet and soon after the three Aussies cram into another nearby.

The train departs. Shortly afterwards, one of the Aussies leaves the toilet and walks over to the toilet where the Kiwis are hiding. He knocks on the door and says, "Ticket please."

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Feb 2014, currently travelling the America's on a Tiger 800XC

Live every day like it's your last, one day you'll get it right!!!

Confucius say:

Man who run in front of motorcycle, get tyred.

Man who run behind motorcycle, get exhausted.

Confucius also say:

Man who has holes in pockets...

Feels cocky all day....

keep then rolling in

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R.n.B. Caves Beach, NSW.

Live life to the MAX!! "one knows that one can, if one wants too".

The same mechanic was removing a cylinder head from the motor of a Harley motorcycle when he spotted a well-known Gynaecologist in his shop. The Gynaecologist was there waiting for the service manager to come take a look at his bike when the mechanic shouted across the garage, "Hey Doc, can I ask you a question?"
The surgeon, a bit surprised, walked over to where the mechanic was working on the motorcycle. The mechanic straightened up, wiped his hands on a rag and asked, "So Doc, look at this engine. I reach inside, deal with its intimate parts, and when I finish, it works just like new. So how come I get such a small salary and you get the really big bucks, when you and I are doing basically the same work?"
The Gynaecologist paused, smiled and leaned over, and whispered to the mechanic... "Try doing it all through the exhaust pipe"

Sorry ladies!

What was she thinking of??

Attached Thumbnails

 

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R.n.B. Caves Beach, NSW.

Live life to the MAX!! "one knows that one can, if one wants too".

Picture says it all!

Attached Images

 

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Feb 2014, currently travelling the America's on a Tiger 800XC

Live every day like it's your last, one day you'll get it right!!!

A Priest was about to finish his tour of duty, and was leaving his Mission in the jungle where he has spent years teaching the natives when he realizes that the one thing he never taught them was how to speak English.

So he takes the chief for a walk in the forest. He points to a tree and says to the chief, "This is a tree."

The chief looks at the tree and grunts, "Tree."

The Priest is pleased with the response. They walk a little further and he points to a rock and says, "This is a rock."

Hearing this, the chief looks and grunts, "Rock."

The Priest was really getting enthusiastic about the results when he hears a rustling in the bushes. As they peek over the top, he sees a couple of natives in the midst of heavy sexual activity.

The Priest is really flustered and quickly responds, "Man riding a bike."

The chief looks at the couple briefly, pulls out his blowgun and kills them..

The Priest goes ballistic and yells at the chief that he has spent years teaching the tribe how to be civilized and be kind to each other, so how could he kill these people in cold blood that way?

The chief replied, "My bike."

ENJOY YOUR DAY and remember to keep off the roads when riding somebody else's bike.

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Feb 2014, currently travelling the America's on a Tiger 800XC

Live every day like it's your last, one day you'll get it right!!!

Queensland Country Petrol Station
A petrol station in country QLD was trying to increase its sales, so the owner put up a sign saying, "Free Sex with Fill-Up."Soon a local pulled in, filled his tank, and then asked for his free
sex. The owner told him to pick a number from 1 to 10. If he guessed correctly, he would get his free sex.
The bloke then guessed 8, and the proprietor said, "You were close. The number was 7. Sorry, no sex this time." A week later, the same bloke come along, with his mate, Bluey, pulled in for a fill-up. Again he asked for his free sex. The proprietor again gave him the same story, and asked him to guess the correct number.
The bloke guessed 2 this time. Again the proprietor said, "Sorry, it was 4. You were close, but no free sex this time." As they were driving away, the bloke said to his mate, "I think that game is rigged and he doesn't really give away free sex." Blue replied, "No, it ain't, Bill. It ain't rigged -- my Missus won twice last week."

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Feb 2014, currently travelling the America's on a Tiger 800XC

Live every day like it's your last, one day you'll get it right!!!

My wonderful girlfriend and I had been dating for over a year, and so we
> decided to get married. There was only one little thing bothering me.
>
> It was her beautiful younger sister.
>
> My prospective sister-in-law was twenty-two, wore very tight miniskirts,
> and generally was bra less.
>
> One day 'little' sister called and asked me to come over to check the
> wedding invitations. She was alone when I arrived, and she whispered to me
> that she had feelings and desires for me that she couldn't overcome.
>
> She told me that she wanted to make love to me just once before I got
> married and committed my life to her sister.
>
> Well, I was in total shock, and couldn't say a word.
>
> She said, 'I'm going upstairs to my bedroom, and if you want one last wild
> fling, just come up and get me.' I was stunned and frozen in shock as I
> watched her go up the stairs.
>
> When she reached the top she pulled off her panties and threw them Down the
> stairs at me. I stood there for a moment, then turned and made a beeline
> straight to the front door.
>
> I opened the door, and headed straight towards my car.
>
> Lo and behold, my entire future family was standing outside, all clapping!
>
> With tears in his eyes, my future father-in-law hugged me and said, We are
> very happy that you have passed our little test.....we couldn't Ask for a
> better man for our daughter. Welcome to the family.'
>
> And the moral of this story is:
>
> Always keep your condoms in your car.....