More truths
 

A little boy goes to his father and asks,
'What is Politics and why is that Gordon Brown on the television again?'

Dad says, 'Well son, let me try to explain it this way:

I am the head of the family, so call me The Prime Minister.

Your mother is the administrator of the money, so we call her the Government.

We are here to take care of your needs, so we will call you the People.

The nanny, we will consider her the Working Class.

And your baby brother, we will call him the Future.

Now think about that and see if it makes sense.'

So the little boy goes off to bed thinking about what Dad has said.

Later that night, he hears his baby brother crying, so he gets up to check on him.

He finds that the baby has severely soiled his nappy.

So the little boy goes to his parent's room and finds his mother asleep.
Not wanting to wake her, he goes to the nanny's room.
Finding the door locked, he peeks in the keyhole and sees his father in bed with the nanny.
He gives up and goes back to bed.

The next morning, the little boy say's to his father,
'Dad, I think I understand the concept of politics now.'

The father says, 'Good, son, tell me in your own words what you think politics is all about.'

The little boy replies,
'The Prime Minister is screwing the Working Class while the Government is sound asleep.
The People are being ignored and the Future is in deep shit.

The 7 dwarfs
 

seven dwarfs go to the Vatican, and because they are the seven dwarfs, they are immediately ushered in to see the Pope.
Grumpy leads the pack.

'Grumpy, my son,' says the Pope, 'What can I do for you?'


Grumpy asks, 'Excuse me your Excellency, but are there any dwarf
nuns in Rome?'


The Pope wrinkles his brow at the odd question, thinks for a moment
and answers, 'No, Grumpy, there are no dwarf nuns in Rome.'


In the background, a few of the dwarfs start giggling.


Grumpy turns around and glares, silencing them.


Grumpy turns back, 'Your Worship, are there any dwarf nuns in all
of Europe?'


The Pope, puzzled now, again thinks for a moment and then answers,
'No, Grumpy, there are no dwarf nuns in Europe.


'This time, all of the other dwarfs burst into laughter.


Once again, Grumpy turns around and silences them with an angry
glare.


Grumpy turns back and says, 'Mr. Pope! Are there ANY dwarf nuns
anywhere in the world?'


The Pope, really confused by the questions says, 'I'm sorry, my
son, there are no dwarf nuns anywhere in the world.'


The other dwarfs collapse into a heap, rolling and laughing,
pounding the floor, tears rolling down their cheeks, as they begin
chanting......
'Grumpy shagged a penguin!'
'Grumpy shagged a penguin!'

Shipwrecked
>
>
>
> A Welshman was washed up on a beach after a terrible shipwreck. Only a
> sheep and a sheepdog were washed up with him. Looking around, he
> realised that they were stranded on a deserted island.
>
> After being there a while, he got into the habit of taking his two
> animal companions to the beach every evening to watch the sun set.
>
> One particular evening, the sky was a fiery red with beautiful cirrus
> clouds, the breeze was warm and gentle - a perfect night for romance.
>
> As they sat there, the sheep started looking better and better to the
> lonely Welshman.
>
> Soon, he leaned over to the sheep and... put his arm around it.
>
> But the sheepdog, ever protective of the sheep,growled fiercely until
> the man took his arm from around the sheep.
>
> After that, the three of them continued to enjoy the sunsets together,
> but there was no more cuddling.
>
> A few weeks passed by and, lo and behold, there was another shipwreck.
>
> The only survivor was a beautiful young woman, the most beautiful woman
> the man had ever seen.
>
> She was in a pretty bad way when he rescued her and he slowly nursed her
> back to health.
>
> When the young maiden was well enough, he introduced her to their
> evening beach ritual.
>
> It was another beautiful evening...red sky, cirrus clouds, a warm and
> gentle breeze - perfect for a night of romance.
>
> Pretty soon, the Welshman started to get 'those feelings' again.
>
> He fought the urges as long as he could, but he finally gave in and
> realising he now had the opportunity, leaned over to the young woman,
> cautiously, and whispered in her ear -
>
> 'Would you mind taking the dog for a walk?'

A classic........
 

Apologies to any GS owners!!

http://www.fightforlife.co.uk/the-wrong-bike.wmv

oops
 

Sorry I got the link wrong

http://www.flightforlife.co.uk/the-wrong-bike.wmv

Bear in Montana
 

A bear walks into a bar in Billings, Montana . He bangs on the bar with his paw and demands a beer.

The bartender approaches and says, "We don't serve beer to bears in bars in Billings ."

The bear, becoming angry, demands again that he be served a beer.


The bartender tells him again, more forcefully, "We don't serve beer to belligerent bears in bars in Billings ."

The bear, very angry now, says, "If you don't serve me a beer, I'm going to eat that lady sitting at the end of the bar."

The bartender says, "Sorry, we don't serve beer to belligerent, bully bears in bars in Billings ."

The bear goes to the end of the bar and, as promised, eats the woman. He comes back to his seat and again demands a beer.

The bartender states, "Sorry, we don't serve beer to belligerent, bully bears in bars in Billings who are on drugs."

The bear says, "I'm NOT on drugs."

..........You're gonna love this........




The bartender says, "You are now. That was a barbitchyouate."
:thumbdown:

Barn find
 

A lawyer and two friends, - a Rabbi and a Hindu holy man, had car
trouble in the countryside and asked to spend the night with a farmer.

The farmer said, "There might be a problem. You see, I only have room
for two to sleep in the house. So one of you must sleep in the barn."

"No problem," chimed the Rabbi. "My people wandered in the desert for
forty years. I am humble enough to sleep in the barn for one evening."
With that he departed to the barn, and the others bedded down for the
night.

Moments later a knock was heard at the door; the farmer opened the door.
There stood the Rabbi from the barn. "What's wrong?" asked the farmer.
He replied, "I am grateful to you, but I just can't sleep in the barn.
There is a pig in the barn, and my faith believes that is an unclean
animal."
His Hindu friend agrees to swap places with him. But a few minutes later
the same scene reoccurs. There is a knock on the door. "What's wrong?"
the farmer asks. The Hindu holy man replies, "I, too, am grateful for
your helping us out, but there is a cow in the barn. In my country cows
are considered sacred and I can't sleep on holy ground!"

That left only the lawyer to make the change. He grumbled and
complained, but went out to the barn. Moments later there was another
knock on the farmer's door. Frustrated and tired, the farmer opens the
door, and there stood the pig and the cow.

A man in a hot air balloon, realising he was lost, reduced altitude and
spotted a woman below. He descended further and shouted to the lady,
'Excuse me, can you help me? I promised a friend I would meet him an hour
ago, but I don't know where I am.'

The woman below replied, 'You're in a hot air balloon, hovering
approximately 30 feet above the ground. You're between 40 and 41 degrees
north latitude and between 59 and 60 degrees west longitude.'

'You must be in IT,' said the balloonist.

'Actually I am,' replied the woman, 'How did you know?'

'Well,' answered the balloonist, 'everything you have told me is technically
correct but I've no idea what to make of your information and the fact is
I'm still lost. Frankly, you've not been much help at all. If anything,
you've delayed my trip '.

The woman below responded, 'You must be in Management.'

'I am,' replied the balloonist, 'but how did you know?'

'Well,' said the woman, 'you don't know where you are or where you're going.
You have risen to where you are due to a large quantity of hot air. You
made a promise, which you've no idea how to keep, and you expect people
beneath you to solve your problems. The fact is you are in exactly the same
position you were in before we met, but now, somehow, it's my f****** fault.

Great Stuff Walkabout keep em comming

Yet another anti Irish joke to follow the anti Polish joke above......not especially welcome...a bit unpleasant actually.....

Now for something truly awful
 

An englishman an irishman and a scotsman walked into a pub. The barman asks ' is this some kind of joke?'

A horse walks into the bar, the barman says 'why the long face'

A guy walks into a bar with a newt on his shoulder, the barman says "nice newt, what's his name"
The guy says "tiny"
"why's he called that?" asks the barman
"because he's my newt"

I could go on. And on and on....

What's the definition of strain?.................Teeth marks on the toilet door.