Thanks for the tip. My local BMW Dealer obtained a Scheda Tecnica Rispondenza Normative UE from BMW Italy for me. Even though they had never done this before, they were quite happy to try, and would not consider charging me even a single centesimo for doing so.
If only BMW North America were remotely as helpful...
I have fully matriculated the motorcyle, passed all the driving exams and received all necessary endorsements (US driver's licenses are not transferable to Italy) and now, I have a whole new continent to ride.
If anyone has any questions regarding my experiences with this, feel free to ask. Keep in mind that past performance is not a guarantee of future success.