Culture, etiquette and the law

Tourist literature has marketed Thailand as the "Land of Smiles" so successfully that a lot of visitors arrive in the country expecting to be forgiven for any outrageous behaviour. This is just not the case: there are some things so universally sacred in Thailand that even a hint of disrespect will cause deep offence. Please use your common sense and above all be polite when with us, we've a reputation to uphold! I don't appreciate having to take somebody aside for a lack of basic good manners. They may be staff and continue to smile while you're berating them but that's no excuse for a lack of common decency. TAT publishes a special leaflet on the subject, entitled Do's and Don'ts in Thailand, reproduced below; I've added my personal experience below the TAT paragraph(s)

Thai people are extremely polite and their behaviour is controlled by etiquette and also influenced by Buddhism. Thai society is non-confrontational, and so avoid confrontations at all costs. In fact it gets you an awful lot further being polite in my experience, even down to haggling for a bargain in the markets. This isn't Turkey/Africa with the hard-nosed business approach. My wife taught me a little trick, don't bargain at all! She simply stands there chewing the fat with them, pleasantly and politely, after 15min or so they figure you're a decent sort, and because they like you the price comes tumbling down without ever even discussing it!

Never lose your patience or show your anger, now matter how frustrating or desperate the situation because this is considered a weakness in the Thai society. It is important to cultivate and art of diplomacy when traveling in Asia. Conflicts can be easily resolved with a smile.

Especially with an authority figure. The more you protest, the more doors slam shut in your face. Don't even DREAM of spouting your rights!

Dress code is also important. Thais like to dress smartly and neatly. Do not wear revealing clothing such as shorts, low cut dresses or bathing suits as they are considered improper attire in Thailand. Keep in mind that this type of clothing is only acceptable on the beach. It is advisable to wear long skirts or long trousers when entering a temple. And, of course, shoes off. You must also never step on the threshold itself, but over it.

Women should not touch monks. If a woman wants to hand something to the monks, she must do so indirectly by placing the item within the monks reach. Remove shoes when entering houses and temples. Public display of affection between sexes is also frowned upon.

Lady guest of ours also had a number of black looks after sitting next to a monk on a bus, not touching but apparently there was a small chance a jolt COULD have thrown them together.

Avoid touching people. The head is the highest part of the body, so avoid touching it. The feet are the least sacred, so avoid pointing it at anyone, as it is extremely insulting to do so. Thais usually do not shake hands.

The Thais are in fact very touchy-feely people without our western reserve. If a bloke puts his arm around you it doesn't mean he's coming on to you, no need to get upset. Still can't get used to it though! Now this feet being the lowest part of the body, leads to all kinds of other complications. Very, VERY rude indeed to show the soles of your feet, so DON'T lean back in your chair with your feet on the table you ignorant so-and-so! Even crossing your leg with ankle on knee and the sole pointing toward somebody is frowned on. You must never point at somebody/something with your feet, or pick something up with your foot and pass it to somebody (Thai traits, we tend to use our fingers!). When sitting in a temple your feet must never point towards Buddha, sit cross-legged or 'mermaid style' with them tucked out behind you. Finally, and this is the BIGGEST no-no, should you drop a coin or note of the realm, to stop it rolling/blowing away YOU MUST NEVER put your foot on it! This is akin to putting your foot on the King's head and the ultimate insult.

The ‘Wai’ is the usual greeting. The hands are placed together and raised upwards towards the face while the head is lowered with a slight bow. The height to which the hands are held depends on the status of the people involved.

In case of monks, higher dignitaries, and elderly, hands are raised to the bridge of the nose, while with equals only as far from the chest. Young people and inferiors are not Wai’d but a slight nod is acceptable.

If in doubt, you can use the stranger's wai, tips of the thumbs at the chin and index fingers to the nose. Or don't instigate the Wai at all, however you must acknowledge one. Don't think you're doing somebody a favour by demonstrating the wai higher than necessary, you're not giving them elevated status, simply showing your ignorance. Any Thai worth his or her salt will reach out and lower your hands to the correct level. As with bowing the head too low, or looking like a nodding dog, very slight dip all that's necessary. As with anywhere else respect must be earned.

Do not blow your nose or lick your fingers while eating. The right hand must be used when picking up food eaten with fingers. When entering a foreign culture for the first time, it is highly likely to make a mistake. If you do so, just smile or ‘Wai’ and you will be forgiven.

Practical this, as you wash your bum with the left hand! It's also considered very rude to spit (can be fined for this) but you'll see it all the time, and having a finger buried to the third knuckle up your nose appears to be perfectly acceptable!

The Royal Family are held in the highest regard, are almost worshipped, and I believe rightly so. The King is considered the father of the country and every single Thai one of his children with equal importance. The amount of good this man does for the country is almost unbelievable. Unlike other royal families he's actually out and about, seeing where improvements need to be made and implementing them. Nothing goes through parliament without his say-so, and he's no dummy figurehead. Many bills have been thrown out in the last few years as he didn't believe they were in the country's best interests. A damn fine man, I won't hear a bad word spoken against him and neither will the Thais, never disrespect him in public. Drunken Swedish chap took a spray can to a few of his posters last year, sentenced to 10 years without chance of parole,so.....

Khun...(Formal)...................You/Mr/Mrs/Miss
Nong...(Informal).................Younger sister/brother/staff/friend
Pii....(Informal).................Older sister/brother, etc.
Loong..(Informal).................Much older sister, etc., but with respect!

All to be used with the appropriate Khrap/Ka as follows, here just for basic attention grabbing. Bottom of list if you're unsure of age, probably most situations!
Nong Khrap/Ka!
Pii Khrap/Ka!
Khatoetd (na) Khrap/Ka...Excuse me (please), but also used for I'm sorry, forgive me etc.

Sawasdee khrap/ka................ Good day, Hello!
Taow rai khrap/ka?............... How much is it?
Khawp khun khrap/ka...............Thank you
Ma................................much
Mak...............................very much
Na................................that/so
Khawp khun ma na khrap/ka.........Thankyou so much
Khawp khun mak khrap/ka...........Thankyou very much
Arai?.............................What?
Arai na?..........................What's that?
Tam...............................Do
Dai...............................Can
So, Khun tam dai mai khrap/ka? Can you do?

Mee...............................Have
So, Khun mee...something...mai khrap/ka? Do you have...?

Mai(falling)......................Not
So, Mai mee, don't have.

Chuue.............................Name
So, Khun chuue arai khrap/ka? What's your name?

Deeselle..........................Diesel
Gaow (falling) nueng.............91 Octane fuel
As above + Gasohol ...............91 Palm oil mix
Gaow (falling) haa (falling).....95 Octane fuel
As above + Gasohol................95 Palm oil mix
Allegedly these palm oil mixes aren't as environmentally friendly as we're led to believe, clearing rainforest to grow the palms.

So, Dterm (fuel choice above), dtem tan noi Khrap.....Fill 'er up with (...) please.
Alternatively, instead of dtem tan (full tank), substitute appropriate cash amount

Geaow.............................Glass/Cup/Mug, drinking receptacle
Jaan..............................Plate
Kuuat.............................Bottle
Kapong............................Can
Lek...............................Small
Yai...............................Big
Bier..............................Beer
Bur-rie...........................Cigarettes
Nam prow..........................Water
Nam keng..........................Ice
Nam som...........................Orange juice
Nam manaow........................Lime juice
Nam man...........................Light oil/fluids including petrol
Mam man krueng....................Heavier including engine oils
Hong naam.........................Toilet (Water room)
So, Hong naam, yu ti nai Khrap/Ka...Where's the toilet?

Hong Ngong........................Bedroom (sleep room)
So, Hong ngong yu ti nai Khrap/Ka...Where's my (the) bedroom(s)?

Cafe..............................Coffee
Char..............................Tea
Rawn..............................Hot
Yen...............................Cool (Iced)
Suue(rising, and that dogpoo sound)Buy
Suua(mid-tone)....................Shirt
Suua(rising)......................Tiger
Cow...............................Rice/White
Phad..............................Fried
Gai...............................Chicken
Kai...............................Egg
Muu...............................Pork
Ngua..............................Beef
Plaa..............................Fish
Goong.............................Shrimp/Prawn
Bpuu..............................Crab
Bpet..............................Duck
Pak...............................Vegetables
Ow................................Literally means take, or more usually I'll have a... followed by the item you're after. If you need to point because you don't know there's always;
Ni................................This
Nan...............................That

Mid-lesson practice!

So, you want some American Fried Rice with chicken? Ow cow phad gai, noi Khrap.
What about a coffee? Ow cafe rawn, noi Khrap/Ka (Hot) Ow cafe yen, noi Khrap/Ka (iced) Easy, simply substitute item required. Two cups? Ow cafe rawn, noi Khrap/Ka, sawng geaow Khrap/Ka. Three? Ow cafe rawn, noi Khrap/Ka, saam geaow Khrap/Ka. All beginning to fall into place yes? See what I mean about the Khrap/Ka being at the end of each phrase rather than sentence? Don't panic, what's the worst that can happen if you get it wrong? A good-natured giggle.

Ow.(something).eek............... Another (something)
Noi...............................Tiny, but if placed at the end of the phrase just before your khrap/ka, means 'please'. Handy.
So, ow beer Chang eek noi Khrap/Ka, another Chang beer same size bottle as the last one, please Sir! More beer!!

Bpii..............................Year
Duan..............................Month
Akiidt............................Week
Wan...............................Day
Mong..............................Preceeded by a number (below), hour, therefore time to the nearest hour.
Chemong...........................Preceeded by a number, hour(s) or multiples of as in how long.
Natii.............................Minute, or multiples thereof

One.......Nueng_________________Twenty-two.....Yee-sip-sawng
Two.......Sawng_________________Twenty-three...Yee-sip-sam
Three.....Saam__________________Thirty.........Sam-sip
Four......Sii___________________Forty..........Sii-sip
Five......Haa (falling)_________Fifty.........Haa-sip
Six.......Hok___________________Sixty.........Hok-sip
Seven.....Djet__________________One hundred...Nueng-roy
Eight.....Bpaet (low)___________Two hundred...Song-roy
Nine......Gaow (falling)________Three hundred.Saam-roy
Sip.......Ten___________________One thousand..Nueng-pan
Eleven.........Sip-et___________Two thousand..Song-pan
Twelve.........Sip-song_________Ten thousand..Nueng-meung
Thirteen.......Sip-saam_________Twenty thou...Sawng-meung
Fourteen.......Sip-sii__________100 thousand..Nueng-saen
Twenty.........Yee-sip__________One million, nueng lan, and so forth.
Twenty-one.....Yee-sip-et

Met......................Metres
Kilomet, but often Kilo..Kilometres
Lo.......................Kilogrammes
Laeo sai.................Turn left
Laeo kwaa................Turn right As against kwai/Kwaey below;
Dtrong bai...............Go straight
Bai nai?.................Go where?
Yaak bai.................I want to go to....
Ba!......................Let's go!
Baa......................Crazy (a little strong and insulting)
Ting-tong................Crazy (far more jovial)
Kwai.....................Buffalo, probably the worst insult you can utter, don't do it!
Kwaey....................The famous river and bridge, notice the difference? They get a little upset with our common mis-pronunciation, basically insulting their bridge, all brought around by the film!

And if you should happen to break down, a few mechanical bits...

Car รถเก๋ง Rot Gaeng
Clutch คลัช Clut
Brake เบรค Braake
Brake Pad ผ้าเบรค Pah Braake
Brake Disc จานเบรค Jaan Braake
Brake fluid น้ำมันเบรค Nam-man Braake
Brake Light ไฟเบรค Fai Braake
Windscreen กระจกหน้า Gra-Jok Nah
Rear Windscreen กระจกหลัง Gra-Jok Lang
Engine Oil น้ำมันเครื่อง Nam-man Krueng
Gearbox Oil น้ำมันเกียร์ Nam-man Gear
Power Steering Oil น้ำมันพาวเวอร์ Nam-man Power
Radiator หม้อน้ำ Mor-Naam
Radiator Fluid น้ำในหม้อน้ำ Naan Nai Mor Naam
Engine เครื่องยนต์ Krueng Yon
Steering Wheel พวงมาลัย Phum-a-Lai
Boot/Trunk ท้ายรถ Tai Rot
Air Filter ฟองอากาศ Fong Aggart
Side View Mirrors กระจกข้าง Gra-Jok Kaang
Rear View Mirror กระจกมองหลัง Gra-Jok Mong Lang
Electric Windows กระจกไฟฟ้า Gra-Jok Fai Fah
Fuel Injector หัวฉีด Hua Cheet
Bonnet/Hood ฝากระโปรงหน้า Fah Gra-Bong Nah
Stereo เครื่องเสียง Krueng Seeang
Tyre ยาง Yaang
Hand Brake เบรคมือ Braake Mue
Exhaust ท่อไอเสีย Tor
Spare Tyre ยางอะไหล่ Yaang Arai
Steering Alignment ตั้งศูนย์ Dang Soon
Front Bumper กันชนหน้า Gan Chon Nah
Rear Bumper กันชนหลัง Gan Chon Lang
Distributor จานจ่าย Jaan Jai
Spark Plugs หัวเทียน Hua Ti-en
Shock Absorber โชคอัพ Chock-Up
Seat Belt เข็มขัด Kem Kat
Timing Belt สายพานไทม์มิ่ง Sy Paan Timing
CV Boot ยางหุ้มเพรา Yang Hum Pow
Suspension Spring สปริง Sa-Pring Leaf
Spring แหนบ Nairb
Rear Light ไฟหลัง Fai Lang
Reverse Light ไฟถอยหลัง Fai Toi Lang
Head Light ไฟหน้า Fai Naa
Indicator/Turn Light ไฟเลี้ยว Fai Leeo
Differential ไฟท้าย Fuang Tai
Horn แตร Dae
Wiper Blades ที่ปัดน้ำฝน Tee Bat Naam Fon
Oil Filter กรองอากาศ Glong Naam-an